Work— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Improve grammar, sentence clarity and fluency. Begin with a clear topic sentence stating current status, then add concise supporting details (when you moved, qualification, reasons you enjoy the job). Reduce hesitations and avoid redundancy. Use linking words (e.g., since, because) correctly and keep answer to no more than 3–4 sentences.

Example: I currently work as a store supervisor. I moved to Canada in 2023 after completing a master’s degree in mathematics and finance, and I have been in this role since then. I enjoy it because I learn a lot about customer service and management, which is valuable for my career development.

Suggestion: Make the response more concise and correct factual and grammar errors. Start with the store name and type, then add 1–2 specific details (branches, location, commute time). Use linking words like "and" or "which" for coherence and avoid repetition (e.g., 'home to home').

Example: I work at a shoe store called Designer Brands Canada, which is an international retail chain with branches in Canada and the USA. The store is located in Timings Square Mall and is only about a ten-minute walk from my home.

Suggestion: This answer is clear and relevant but could be slightly improved by tightening language and using one or two concrete examples of support or development opportunities. Keep to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' to add coherence.

Example: Yes, it is. The management and team members are very supportive, and we share responsibilities according to our strengths. For example, my manager assigns regular training sessions and I have opportunities to lead shift briefings, which helps my professional development.

Suggestion: Good answer: clear topic sentence and specific reasons. To improve further, add a linking phrase and one concrete example (e.g., a memorable customer interaction or how the atmosphere affects mood). Keep it concise (2–3 sentences).

Example: Yes, I like working there because the mall is busy and has a food court right outside the store, so the atmosphere is lively. For example, talking to regular customers during busy afternoons makes shifts more enjoyable and keeps me motivated.

Suggestion: Clarify intent and correct grammar and word choice. State the plan clearly, give specific reasons (career stability, demand for advisors), and avoid incorrect or informal phrases like 'steal my permanent residency.' Use linking words such as 'because' and 'so' and limit to 2–3 sentences.

Example: I plan to obtain a license as a financial advisor while working as a store supervisor. I want this qualification because there is strong demand for financial advisors in Canada and it will help me build a stable long-term career and improve my prospects for permanent residency.

× I work everyday store supervisor after I finish my masters degree in mathematics finance and move to the Canada in 2023.

✓ I have worked every day as a store supervisor since I finished my master's degree in Mathematical Finance and moved to Canada in 2023.

The original mixes tenses and omits necessary articles and prepositions. Use present perfect 'have worked' to show an action continuing from the past to present ('since I finished...'). Add 'as' before the role and 'every day' as two words. Include the possessive apostrophe in 'master's', capitalize the formal program name 'Mathematical Finance', and remove the article 'the' before 'Canada'. Also use past simple 'moved' for the completed action in 2023. Suggestion: keep tense consistency and include necessary articles/prepositions.

× And since then I have been working in this role and I really enjoy it because there is a lot of learning and a customer service experience that give me a valuable, uh, learning.

✓ Since then I have been working in this role and I really enjoy it because there is a lot of learning and customer service experience that give me valuable learning.

The original had redundancy and agreement issues. 'I have been working' is fine for ongoing action. Remove the extra article 'a' before 'customer service experience' and the filler 'uh'. 'Customer service experience' is an uncountable idea here, so no 'a'. Also 'give' should be 'gives' to agree with singular subject 'experience' or revise to plural 'experiences give'. In the correction we rephrase to 'experience that give me valuable learning' but better: use 'provides me with valuable learning' or 'has given me valuable experience'. Maintain subject-verb agreement and avoid redundant words.

× I work at a shoe store named called Designer Brands Canada.

✓ I work at a shoe store called Designer Brands Canada.

The phrase 'named called' is redundant; use either 'named' or 'called'. The corrected sentence uses 'called' which is natural. Keep simple verb structure.

× It is international retail chain with branches in Canada and the USA and they show up by work, is only about 10 minutes from my home, home to home and is located in the mall, the Timing Square Mall.

✓ It is an international retail chain with branches in Canada and the USA. The store I work at is only about 10 minutes from my home and is located in the mall, The Timings Square Mall.

Missing indefinite article 'an' before 'international retail chain'. The original is run-on and confusing: split into two sentences. 'They show up by work' is unclear; likely intended 'the store I work at'. Remove repeated 'home'. Use correct article 'the' when naming the mall and fix mall name spelling to 'The Timings Square Mall' if that is the intended name. Ensure clear subject reference.

× Oh yes, it's a really good place to work because everyone here is a very supportive, good management and team members.

✓ Oh yes, it's a really good place to work because everyone here is very supportive, including management and team members.

Original misorders adjectives and mixes noun groups. 'A very supportive, good management and team members' is ungrammatical. Use 'very supportive' as a predicate adjective describing people and include both groups 'management and team members' as objects of 'including'. Keep parallel structure.

× We all work together, share responsibilities according to our strengths, and there are many opportunities for learning and professional development.

✓ We all work together and share responsibilities according to our strengths, and there are many opportunities for learning and professional development.

The original lacked a conjunction between the first two coordinated verbs. Adding 'and' clarifies the coordination. The rest of the sentence is fine.

× I like the place where I work because it is a busy shopping mall with a food court in front of my shoe store.

✓ I like the place where I work because it is a busy shopping mall with a food court in front of my shoe store.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It correctly uses present tense to express a habitual preference. No change needed.

× The lively atmosphere and the chance to meet customers and the other people every day make some shifts very enjoyable and refreshing.

✓ The lively atmosphere and the chance to meet customers and other people every day make some shifts very enjoyable and refreshing.

Remove the unnecessary definite article 'the' before 'other people'. The subject 'The lively atmosphere and the chance...' is plural, so 'make' is correct. Ensure articles are used only when needed.

× I currently work as a store supervisor but I am starting to get my license as a financial advisor.

✓ I currently work as a store supervisor, but I am starting to get my license to become a financial advisor.

Use 'to become a financial advisor' to clarify the purpose of the license. The rest is fine; comma improves readability. 'Starting to get' is informal but acceptable; 'working toward getting' is an alternative.

× I want this qualification because financial advising has a strong perspective in Canada and it will help me to steal my permanent residency and will build build a stable career.

✓ I want this qualification because financial advising has good prospects in Canada, and it will help me obtain permanent residency and build a stable career.

'Has a strong perspective' is incorrect collocation; use 'has good prospects'. 'Steal my permanent residency' is incorrect and likely a wrong word choice for 'secure' or 'obtain'—use 'obtain'. Remove duplicated word 'build'. Use parallel structure 'help me obtain... and build...'. These revisions correct word choice and sentence structure.