Work— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and fluent: begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, I) and unnecessary repetition. Use correct collocations (e.g., “create haircuts and colors” → “create haircuts and color” or “design haircuts and color”). Add one specific detail (e.g., types of clients or services) using a linking word to connect ideas.

Example: I work full time as a hairstylist. I design haircuts and color treatments for clients, and I especially enjoy creating modern looks for young professionals. Because my aim is to boost their confidence, I often suggest styles that suit their lifestyle and face shape.

Suggestion: Start with a direct location sentence and remove hesitations. Use one fluid sentence to name the salon and one to describe it. Avoid repeating phrases. Include a specific detail such as salon size, atmosphere, or nearby landmark.

Example: I work at Rodney Wayne Hair Salon in Queensgate Mall in Lower Hutt, Wellington. It’s a fairly large mall, and our salon is busy and modern, near the main food court.

Suggestion: Be precise and avoid repeating phrases. Use a topic sentence plus one or two supporting reasons with linking words (e.g., “because”, “so”). Replace 'CEO' with 'manager' or 'owner' if more appropriate. Provide a concrete example of how she supports staff.

Example: Yes, it’s a great place to work because my colleagues are friendly and supportive. For example, our manager regularly checks in with us and arranges extra training and flexible shifts to help us balance work and life.

Suggestion: Answer directly and reduce repetition. Use clear linking words to connect ideas (e.g., “also”, “because”). Give one specific reason why you like it (commute, colleagues, environment) and quantify the commute correctly (a 20-minute walk).

Example: Yes, I really like it. It’s only a 20-minute walk from my home, so my commute is easy, and I enjoy working with friendly colleagues which makes the day comfortable.

Suggestion: Give a clear plan with specific goals and use linking words (e.g., “after”, “so that”). Remove filler words and improve phrasing (e.g., “give young hairstylists the opportunity to work and train”). Mention a timeframe or concrete steps for credibility.

Example: I’ve been a stylist for almost 20 years, and I plan to open my own salon within the next three years. I want to create a training program there so that young hairstylists can gain paid work experience and learn professional skills.

× I'm a full time, I'm, I work full time as a hairstylist.

✓ I'm a full-time hairstylist and I work full time.

Redundant fragments and awkward phrasing. Use 'full-time' as a hyphenated adjective before the noun and combine clauses into a single present simple statement to describe current occupation. Suggestion: Use concise present tense statements for ongoing facts (I am a full-time hairstylist; I work full time).

× I like to create your haircuts and the colors and I like to, uh, help my clients for new look and give them more confidence.

✓ I like creating haircuts and colors, and I like helping my clients get a new look and more confidence.

Incorrect use of 'your' and unnatural preposition 'for'. Use 'my clients' as the object and gerund forms 'creating' and 'helping' for preferences. Replace 'for new look' with 'get a new look'. Suggestion: Use gerunds after 'like' when referring to general preferences and ensure correct object pronouns.

× I work as a hair stylist, uh, Rodney Wayne hair salon in Queens Gate Mall in Lowerhart Wellington.

✓ I work as a hairstylist at Rodney Wayne Hair Salon in Queensgate Mall in Lower Hutt, Wellington.

Article and preposition issues and proper noun formatting. Use 'at' for workplaces, capitalize the salon name, and correct place names spacing. Use 'a hairstylist' (or 'as a hairstylist') consistently. Suggestion: Use 'at' for specific businesses and ensure correct capitalization and locality names.

× So it's, it's a quite, uh, it's a quite big, uh, mall in the Queens Gate area.

✓ So it's quite a big mall in the Queensgate area.

Word order is incorrect: use 'quite a big mall' rather than 'a quite big'. Remove fillers and duplicate phrases for clarity. Suggestion: Place adverb 'quite' before the article and adjective phrase: 'quite a big mall'.

× It's really good place to work and I really like my team as well.

✓ It's a really good place to work, and I really like my team too.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'really good place'. 'As well' is acceptable but 'too' is more natural at sentence end. Suggestion: Always include the article before singular countable nouns: 'a place'.

× I really like my uh, CEO of the company.

✓ I really like the CEO of the company.

Use definite article 'the' with a specific role. 'My CEO' implies ownership and is less natural in this context than 'the CEO'. Suggestion: Use 'the' before titles when referring to a specific person in the company.

× She's really helpful and always she asks about take care of us and make us happy as well.

✓ She's really helpful and always asks about how to take care of us and make us happy.

Incorrect word order 'always she asks' should be 'always asks'. Missing 'how' before 'to take care' and verb agreement with 'asks'. Remove redundant 'as well'. Suggestion: Use correct subject-verb order and include connectives like 'how' when describing manner: 'asks how to take care of us'.

× She always, uh, all the time.

✓ She always does that.

Fragment without a verb. 'She always, all the time' is incomplete. Supply verb to complete the idea. Suggestion: Turn the fragment into a complete sentence: 'She always does that' or 'She always checks in with us all the time'.

× Would you like the place where you work?

✓ Do you like the place where you work?

Question meaning is about current preference, so use 'Do you like' instead of 'Would you like' which asks about hypothetical preference. No pronoun error but wrong modal. Suggestion: Use present simple to ask about general likes: 'Do you like...'. Note: follows modal verb usage rules.

× I I really do like my working place and it's really close to my home as well.

✓ I really do like my workplace, and it's also really close to my home.

'Working place' is unnatural; 'workplace' is the correct compound noun. Remove duplicate 'I' and streamline 'also' for 'as well'. Suggestion: Use standard noun forms: 'workplace'.

× It's quite 20 minutes walking as well.

✓ It's about a 20-minute walk as well.

Incorrect structure and preposition. Use 'about a 20-minute walk' or 'about 20 minutes' with no 'walking'. Hyphenate '20-minute' as a compound adjective. Suggestion: Express duration properly: 'about a 20-minute walk' or 'it's about 20 minutes on foot'.

× I really enjoy walking into work as well, so it's very comfortable to work with my other colleague as well.

✓ I really enjoy walking to work, and it's very comfortable working with my colleagues.

Use 'walking to work' rather than 'into work'. 'Work with my other colleague' is odd—use plural 'colleagues' if referring to team. 'Comfortable working with' is natural. Suggestion: Use 'to work' for commuting and pluralize 'colleague' if referring to more than one.

× I'm working as a stylist for almost 20 years.

✓ I've been working as a stylist for almost 20 years.

For an action that started in the past and continues to present, use present perfect continuous 'have been working'. Suggestion: Use present perfect (continuous) with time expressions like 'for almost 20 years'.

× I would like to open my own salon and give the uh, young hair stylist the opportunity to work as a job and help two other people to learn hairdressing as well.

✓ I would like to open my own salon and give young hairstylists the opportunity to work and help others learn hairdressing.

Article and pluralization issues: 'the young hair stylist' should be plural 'young hairstylists' for general opportunity. 'Work as a job' is redundant; 'the opportunity to work' suffices. 'Help two other people to learn' awkward—use 'help others learn'. Suggestion: Use plural when speaking generally and simplify redundancy. Combine ideas concisely.