Hometown— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be concise and correct geographic facts; start with a clear topic sentence and add one brief supporting detail. Avoid uncertain or mixed country references (you said Nepal but later mentioned Japan). Use linking words only if needed.

Example: My hometown is Bertamur Zappa, in the eastern part of Nepal near the West Bengal border. It is a small town close to the India–Nepal frontier, which makes cross-border trade and travel common.

Suggestion: Start with a direct topic sentence and then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Use varied vocabulary (e.g., ‘scenic mountain views’, ‘clean air’, ‘lush greenery’) and keep the answer within 2–4 sentences.

Example: I love the fresh air and the scenic mountain views in my hometown. For example, the town is surrounded by lush green hills, so I often go for walks to enjoy the quiet atmosphere and clear views of the peaks.

Suggestion: Give a clear, direct answer about duration first, then clarify with one or two concise supporting details. Avoid confusing or contradictory country references. Use correct tense and simpler sentence structure.

Example: I have lived in my hometown for most of my life. However, I moved to a city for my university studies and I plan to return to my hometown after I finish my education.

Suggestion: Start with a clear opinion, then give specific reasons and one brief example. Use linking words (because, therefore) to structure your response and avoid overgeneralisation. Mention alternatives or possible improvements briefly.

Example: I don't think it is a great place for young people because there are limited higher education and job opportunities. Therefore, many young people move abroad to countries like Australia or the USA to pursue careers and studies; improving local universities and businesses could help retain them.

× My hometown is in the eastern part of Nepal, which is known as Bertamur Zappa and it is near to the West Bengal border.

✓ My hometown is in the eastern part of Nepal, which is called Bertamur Zappa, and it is near the West Bengal border.

Use of 'known as' is acceptable but 'called' is more natural here; 'near to' is incorrect — the correct preposition is 'near' without 'to'. Also replace the comma splice by keeping conjunction 'and' with proper commas and wording. Suggestion: use 'near the West Bengal border' and prefer 'called' or 'known as' consistently.

× So the one thing that I love about my hometown is the fresh air and the green and scenery views of the mountain region from my hometown.

✓ One thing I love about my hometown is the fresh air and the green, scenic views of the mountains.

Word choice and adjective order: 'scenery views' is incorrect — use 'scenic views'. 'Green' and 'scenic' should be coordinated with a comma. 'Mountain region' can be shortened to 'mountains' for naturalness and conciseness. Remove redundant phrases like 'from my hometown' when already contextually clear.

× I have lived there for my whole life as I'm from Japan, Nepal so only The thing is that I used to live in the city area for my studies but after my studies are over then I will be coming to my hometown to live in.

✓ I have lived there my whole life because I'm from Nepal. However, I used to live in the city for my studies, and after my studies are over I will return to my hometown to live.

Multiple sentence structure issues: 'as I'm from Japan, Nepal' is confusing and likely contains an incorrect country name — corrected to 'Nepal'. 'For my whole life' is better as 'my whole life'. 'So only The thing is that' is ungrammatical and redundant; replace with 'However' or 'But'. 'Used to live' is correct for past habit, and future intention should be expressed simply as 'I will return to my hometown to live.' Ensure sentences are split to avoid run-on and improve clarity.

× I don't think my hometown is a very good place for the young people because young people are very eager to search for new opportunities like career development, for good education.

✓ I don't think my hometown is a very good place for young people because they are eager to look for new opportunities such as career development and better education.

Article error: 'the young people' is unnatural; use 'young people' without 'the' when speaking generally. Word choice: 'search for' is better as 'look for' and 'for good education' should be 'better education' or 'quality education'. Also avoid repeating 'young people' by using a pronoun.

× So for that they need to go and settle in abroad like Australia and USA for better opportunities.

✓ So they need to go and settle abroad in countries like Australia and the USA for better opportunities.

Preposition error: 'settle in abroad' is incorrect — use 'settle abroad' or 'settle in' followed by a place. Country names need articles when appropriate: use 'the USA' and include 'countries like' for clarity. Maintain parallel structure and remove unnecessary 'So' at sentence start if repetitive.

× That is the only thing that I suggest.

✓ That is my main suggestion.

Awkward phrasing: 'the only thing that I suggest' is wordy and slightly odd; 'my main suggestion' is concise and natural. Use simpler, direct phrasing to improve clarity.