Hobby— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be direct and clear: start with a topic sentence stating your hobbies, avoid unclear words (e.g. “Kobi”) and redundancy, and keep to 2–3 concise sentences. Add one brief specific detail about your dancing (style, frequency or reason) using a linking word.

Example: Yes, my main hobby is dancing. I usually practise contemporary and hip-hop for two hours every weekend because dancing helps me relieve stress and stay fit.

Suggestion: Give a clear, confident topic sentence and use natural phrasing (avoid “thought I loved to enjoy”). Provide a specific detail about what you painted or how often, and use a linking word to connect ideas.

Example: Yes, when I was nine I loved painting. For example, I often painted landscapes and family portraits, which helped me express my feelings and improve my attention to detail.

Suggestion: Correct factual and grammatical errors and be concise: say since what age (not time). Start with a direct statement and then give one specific supporting detail, connected with a linking word like “because” or “so”.

Example: Yes, I have danced since I was nine years old. I continue dancing because it helps me express emotions and improves my mood after a long day.

Suggestion: Answer directly about your family first, then give one or two specific comparisons. Use correct grammar (subject–verb agreement) and clearer phrasing (e.g. “my brother enjoys reading”). Keep sentences short and coherent with linking words like “however” or “while”.

Example: Not really — we have different hobbies in my family. For example, my brother enjoys reading in his free time, while I prefer painting because it lets me be creative.

× I think Kobi is a part of life.

✓ I think hobbies are a part of life.

The student likely intended to refer to 'hobbies' but used 'Kobi', which is a noun error; also singular 'is a part of life' with a plural concept is inappropriate. Replace with 'hobbies are a part of life' to match meaning and plural agreement.

× When I was a child, I loved to dance.

✓ When I was a child, I loved dancing.

Both forms are grammatically acceptable, but 'loved dancing' is more natural in this context because it treats the activity as a hobby. No tense change needed; this is a stylistic improvement.

× When I was 9, I thought I loved to enjoy painting.

✓ When I was nine, I discovered I loved painting.

The original uses 'thought I loved to enjoy', which is awkward and mixes mental-state verbs. Use 'discovered I loved painting' or 'I realized I loved painting' to clearly express when the feeling began. Also write numbers under ten in words for formality.

× I think painting is an art which helps us to show our emotions.

✓ I think painting is an art that helps us show our emotions.

Use 'that' instead of 'which' in a defining relative clause in informal spoken English; 'helps us show' is more natural than 'helps us to show'. This fixes word choice and flow.

× Since 9:00, I love to dance.

✓ Since I was nine, I have loved to dance.

'Since 9:00' is incorrect for referring to age; use 'since I was nine'. Use present perfect 'have loved' to indicate a hobby continuing from childhood to present.

× Dance is a form of art which helps us to express our emotions, our feelings, how I feel during the day too.

✓ Dance is a form of art that helps us express our emotions and feelings, and it also helps me show how I feel during the day.

Use 'that' for a defining clause; remove unnecessary 'to' before 'express'. The clause 'how I feel during the day too' is a sentence fragment; connect it with 'and it also helps me show' to make a complete, clear sentence.

× Everyone have their own personality, different people have different hobbies.

✓ Everyone has their own personality; different people have different hobbies.

'Everyone' is singular and requires the singular verb 'has'. Keep 'their' as a singular gender-neutral pronoun. Use a semicolon or period to separate the two independent clauses.

× My brother loves to eat, he read books all the way during his free time.

✓ My brother loves to eat; he reads books all the time during his free time.

'Read' here should be present tense 'reads' to match 'loves' and describe habitual actions. Also replace 'all the way' with 'all the time' which is the correct idiom. Use a semicolon or period between independent clauses.

× But I love to paint paintings.

✓ But I love painting.

'Paint paintings' is redundant; use 'love painting' or 'love to paint'. 'Love painting' is concise and natural for expressing a hobby.