Hobby— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: 문법과 표현이 자연스럽지 못한 부분들을 고치고 문장을 더 간결하고 정확하게 만드세요. 예를 들어 시제와 관용표현 오류(“would like to do play tennis”, “I have learned it when I was in university”)를 수정하고, 연결어를 사용해 정보의 흐름을 명확히 하세요. 또한 구체적인 빈도나 상황(얼마나 자주, 어디서 등)을 덧붙여 내용을 풍부하게 하세요.

Example: I enjoy playing tennis. I learned it at university, and I often play with my friends from campus or colleagues. I try to play twice a week to stay fit and have fun.

Suggestion: 많은 말더듬(음성적 채움어)과 문법 오류가 점수를 낮춥니다. 불필요한 반복을 줄이고 시제와 조건문 표현을 정확하게 사용하세요. 예를 들어 ‘if I could live another life’ 같은 가정법을 정확히 쓰고, 경험의 구체적 상황(몇 살 때, 어떤 활동)을 덧붙이세요.

Example: When I was a child, I loved playing baseball. I remember practicing catch with my father after I got my first baseball glove, which was a lot of fun. If I could live another life, I might try to become a professional baseball player.

Suggestion: 문장 구조와 시제를 정리하고 중복 표현을 제거하세요. ‘would like to’와 같은 표현을 과거 사실 설명에 맞게 바꾸고, 전환구(linking words)를 사용해 의미 전환(과거→현재)을 명확히 하세요. 또한 구체적인 예(얼마나 자주 플레이하는지, 왜 좋아하는지)를 추가하면 좋습니다.

Example: I don't have a hobby that I have kept since childhood. In elementary school I enjoyed playing baseball, but as I grew older I started playing video games, especially League of Legends. Nowadays I play it a few times a week because I enjoy the strategy and teamwork.

Suggestion: 문장의 일관성, 문법(관계표현)과 논리 흐름을 개선하세요. 가족 관계와 현재 상황을 명확히 구분하고, 불필요한 반복을 제거하세요. 감정 표현은 간단명료하게 하고 구체적 기억(특정 사건)을 덧붙이면 더 설득력 있습니다.

Example: Yes, my two younger brothers also enjoyed playing baseball when they were children. Although we don't see each other as often now and sometimes argue, I am proud of the memories we made playing together during our childhood.

× Yes, I would like to do play tennis.

✓ Yes, I would like to play tennis.

The student used an incorrect combination 'do play'. After 'would like to' the base verb without 'do' should be used. Use 'would like to play' for a polite statement of preference.

× I have learned it when I was in university and it's very fun.

✓ I learned it when I was at university and it was very fun.

The sentence mixes present perfect 'have learned' with a specific past time 'when I was in university'. Use simple past 'learned' for actions at a definite past time. Also use 'at university' (common collocation) and match tense for 'was very fun.'

× I'd like to play with my colleagues in university or my friends.

✓ I'd like to play with my university colleagues or my friends.

Use the prepositional phrase 'university colleagues' or 'colleagues at university' rather than 'colleagues in university'. Reordering improves naturalness.

× One of my hobby when I was young was playing baseball, Uh, after, since I bought my first baseball gloves, I uh, played catch ball with my father and it was very fun.

✓ One of my hobbies when I was young was playing baseball. After I bought my first baseball gloves, I played catch with my father and it was very fun.

Use plural 'hobbies' after 'one of my'. 'Catch ball' is unnatural; native speakers say 'played catch'. Remove filler words and correct verb tense: 'After I bought' (simple past) and 'played'.

× And maybe I, if I can leave another life, then I would like to be a baseball player.

✓ And maybe, if I could live another life, I would like to be a baseball player.

Use conditional 'if I could live another life' rather than 'can leave'. 'Could' expresses hypothetical ability. 'Live another life' is the correct phrase.

× Actually, I don't have any hobby from my childhood because when I was really young, when I was in elementary school, I would like to play baseball as as I said to you before.

✓ Actually, I don't have any hobbies from my childhood because when I was really young, in elementary school, I used to play baseball as I said before.

Use plural 'hobbies'. 'Would like to play' indicates desire now; to describe past habitual action use 'used to play' or 'played'. Also remove duplicate 'as'.

× But after I grow up, I rather prefer to play a video games or computer games, which is League of Legends.

✓ But after I grew up, I prefer to play video games or computer games, such as League of Legends.

Use past tense 'grew up' for completed action. 'Rather prefer' is redundant; use 'prefer'. 'Video games' is plural and no article 'a'. Use 'such as' to give an example and match number agreement.

× Yes, actually I have two younger brothers and the two younger brothers, they are really like to play baseball.

✓ Yes, actually I have two younger brothers and they really like to play baseball.

Avoid repeating 'the two younger brothers'. Use 'they really like' (no 'to' after 'like'). Correct plural agreement and remove redundancy.

× Of course when they were young because we don't have good relationship with right right now because they are fully grown and we sometimes we argue.

✓ Of course, when they were young we had a good relationship, but now that they are fully grown we sometimes argue.

Sentence was a run-on with misplaced conjunctions. Use 'when' for past clause and 'but' to contrast present. Match tenses: 'had' for past relationship and 'now' with present 'are' and 'argue'. Remove duplicated words.

× So that's the reason. But I'm proud of that, that I have a great memory with them.

✓ So that's the reason. But I'm proud that I have great memories with them.

'Proud of that, that I have' is awkward. Use 'proud that' and plural 'memories' for multiple recollections. Improve natural word order and idiomatic phrasing.