Birthday— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence saying what you usually do, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Reduce repetition and correct small grammar mistakes (e.g. "along with" used incorrectly). Aim for 2–4 sentences.

Example: I usually spend my birthday with both friends and family. For example, I meet my friends in the afternoon to go out for coffee and then have a small family dinner in the evening, so I get to enjoy both social time and quality family time.

Suggestion: Give a clear past-tense statement and specific details. Use correct grammar (e.g. "ordered a chocolate cake", "we had decorations", "we lit candles"). Use linking words like "for example" or "also" appropriately. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

Example: When I was a child, we always had a small party at home. For example, my parents ordered a large chocolate cake, put up colorful decorations, and we all sang and blew out the candles together.

Suggestion: Give a direct opinion sentence and explain with one or two clear reasons. Use correct verb forms and vocabulary (e.g. "leads" not "LED"). Avoid vague phrases and improve cohesion with linking words like "because" and "for example".

Example: Yes, I think celebrating birthdays is important because it helps people keep in touch with relatives and friends. For example, birthday gatherings give family members a chance to reconnect and strengthen their relationships.

Suggestion: Answer directly which person(s) you consider most important and give specific cultural reasons. Use clear structure: topic sentence + supporting reason(s) with linking words. Correct grammar (e.g. "important to celebrate for family members", "helps them build strong bonds").

Example: I think immediate family members, such as parents and grandparents, are the most important to celebrate. In China, celebrating elders' birthdays is especially valued because it shows respect and brings family members together to honor them.

× For example, I try to hang out with my friends along with also spend quality time with my family members.

✓ For example, I try to hang out with my friends and also spend quality time with my family members.

The phrase 'along with also' is redundant and incorrect as a conjunction here. Use 'and' or 'and also' to connect two coordinated activities. Suggestion: use 'and' or 'and also' to join parallel verbs.

× I also enjoy the birthday party.

✓ I also enjoy birthday parties.

Using the definite article 'the' makes the sentence refer to a specific party, which is unclear. Plural 'birthday parties' fits the general statement about enjoyment. Alternatively 'enjoy the birthday party' could be used if referring to a particular event.

× When I was a child, I did several activities on my birthday.

✓ When I was a child, I did several activities on my birthdays.

If speaking about habitual past actions on each birthday, use plural 'birthdays' to indicate repeated events. The past tense 'did' is correct; only the noun number needed adjustment.

× More specifically, I ordered magnificent chocolate flavor cake along with I also arrangements according to the party.

✓ More specifically, I ordered a magnificent chocolate-flavored cake and also made arrangements for the party.

Multiple issues: 'chocolate flavor cake' should be 'chocolate-flavored cake' (compound adjective), 'ordered' needs the article 'a', 'along with I also arrangements' is ungrammatical — use 'and also made arrangements', and 'according to the party' is incorrect preposition use; 'for the party' is correct.

× Apart from that, I also lighting our.

✓ Apart from that, I also helped with the lighting.

Original sentence lacks a correct verb form and object. 'Lighting our' is incomplete. Use a past tense verb 'helped' with the noun phrase 'the lighting' or 'the decorations'. Ensure subject-verb-object structure.

× I believe that celebrating birthday is highly crucial for every person because it LED them to connect their relatives and friends and also neighbors which is highly beneficial for them and bonds strong.

✓ I believe that celebrating birthdays is very important for everyone because it leads them to connect with their relatives, friends, and neighbors, which is highly beneficial and strengthens bonds.

Several errors fixed: use plural 'birthdays' for general meaning; 'highly crucial' is awkward—'very important' is natural; 'LED' is wrong tense/case—use 'leads'; add 'with' after 'connect'; use commas to separate items; 'bonds strong' should be 'strengthens bonds' (correct verb/noun order).

× When it comes to my personal thoughts, I guess most of the family members are very crucial to celebrate their birthday in China and they by celebrating this birthday they connect and made strong bonds.

✓ In my opinion, most family members consider celebrating birthdays in China very important, and by celebrating them they connect and build strong bonds.

Rephrasing improves clarity: 'When it comes to my personal thoughts' is awkward—use 'In my opinion'; 'most of the family members are very crucial to celebrate their birthday' is incorrect pronoun and structure—use 'most family members consider celebrating birthdays very important'; 'they by celebrating this birthday they connect and made strong bonds' mixes tenses and repeats subject—use 'by celebrating them they connect and build strong bonds' to maintain present-tense general statement and correct verb forms.