Advertisement— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition and correct small grammar issues (e.g., "it sticks in my head" or "it stuck in my head").

Example: A good answer: "Yes — the Nokia ringtone and its 'Connecting People' slogan really impressed me as a child. Because mobile phones were just becoming popular, the ringtone felt new and memorable, and it stuck in my head for years. As a result, whenever I hear that tune now I feel nostalgic and remember that era."

Suggestion: Start with a direct topic sentence, avoid informal or exaggerated phrases like "brainwash our brains," and link ideas with connectors. Provide one clear example with a brief explanation of its effect.

Example: A better response: "Yes, I see many ads on trains and other transport. Advertisements are ubiquitous now, so companies use public transport to reach many people. For example, I recently saw a large sunscreen poster on a train that caught my attention because of its bright design, and it made me consider buying that brand."

Suggestion: Give a clear topic sentence with a reason and one or two specific examples; avoid trailing off and colloquial fillers. Use linking words (because, so, for example) and finish your thought coherently.

Example: Improved answer: "No, I generally don't like advertisements because they interrupt my online activities. For example, when I search on websites or scroll through Instagram, many pop-ups and banners appear, which is distracting; consequently, I often ignore or block them."

Suggestion: Start with a clear topic sentence and expand with specific reasons and an example. Avoid vague claims like "real, not fake"—explain what you mean by "real." Use linking words to connect ideas.

Example: Stronger reply: "I prefer funny and relatable ads, especially short video clips, because they feel authentic and are easy to share. For instance, a short humorous ad about daily life makes me laugh and want to send it to friends, which increases the ad's appeal."

Suggestion: Provide a clear topic sentence, correct grammatical errors (e.g., "I am bombarded by advertisements"), and give one concise specific example. Use linking words to explain why it frustrates you.

Example: Clearer answer: "Yes, I often see advertisements when I'm on my phone or computer; I am frequently bombarded by ads on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. For example, after searching for sunscreen, I received many targeted ads for sunscreens, which frustrates me because it feels intrusive and repetitive."

× It sticks to my head.

✓ It stuck in my head.

The student is describing a past memory, so the verb should be in past tense rather than present participle. Use 'stuck' (past simple) to match the time frame of 'I remember'. Suggestion: use past tense verbs when referring to past events.

× It made me feel that time.

✓ It made me feel that way at the time.

The original phrase 'that time' is not the correct collocation for describing a feeling then. Use 'that way' to describe the feeling and add 'at the time' to indicate the past moment. This fixes sentence structure and clarity.

× It's the best.

✓ It was the best.

The student refers to a past impression, so the verb should be past tense. Change 'It's' to 'It was' to match the past context.

× Like ads are everywhere.

✓ Ads are everywhere.

Beginning with 'Like' is colloquial and unnecessary here, causing sentence fragmentation. Removing 'Like' produces a complete declarative sentence.

× A lot of companies they like, they want to brainwash our brains with their products and it actually works.

✓ A lot of companies want to brainwash us with their products, and it actually works.

The original has a redundant subject 'they' and an awkward phrase 'brainwash our brains.' Remove the extra pronoun and use 'us' to refer to people generally. 'Brainwash us' is concise and idiomatic. Also split into two clauses with a comma and conjunction for clarity.

× I remember when I was on a train before I saw a picture or an ad for a sunscreen.

✓ I remember when I was on a train before, I saw a picture or an ad for sunscreen.

The sentence needs a comma after 'before' to separate the time clause, and 'sunscreen' usually appears without an article here. Also 'a sunscreen' is acceptable if referring to a specific product, but 'sunscreen' generalizes the product type and reads more naturally.

× No I don't they are so annoying to me.

✓ No, I don't; they are so annoying to me.

Two independent clauses are run together. Insert punctuation to separate 'No, I don't' from 'they are so annoying to me.' Also add a comma after 'No' for natural speech punctuation.

× Whenever I go search for something online on websites or Facebook, Instagram a lot of pop ups and banners are there.

✓ Whenever I search for something online on websites like Facebook or Instagram, a lot of pop-ups and banners appear.

Use 'search' without 'go' (native collocation), and 'websites like Facebook or Instagram' is clearer than listing without preposition. 'Pop-ups' and 'banners' are plural nouns; use 'appear' instead of 'are there' for a natural verb choice.

× It's like you know you so you see something at your home every day and you got bored of it.

✓ It's like, you know, you see something at home every day and you get bored of it.

Fix informal disfluencies: insert commas around 'you know', remove the extra 'you', use 'get bored of it' to match present habitual sense rather than 'got'.

× So I don't like seeing ads anymore because they are.

✓ So I don't like seeing ads anymore because they annoy me.

The clause 'because they are' is incomplete. Provide a complement such as 'they annoy me' to complete the sentence and express the intended reason.

× I like funny and relatable ads because they can be easily shared with my friends and they are so fresh.

✓ I like funny and relatable ads because they can be easily shared with my friends and feel fresh.

'They are so fresh' is acceptable but 'feel fresh' is more natural when describing the impression of ads. Also avoid redundancy; smoothing the phrase improves style.

× I prefer advertisements with short videos because they are real, not fake.

✓ I prefer advertisements with short videos because they feel real, not fake.

Using 'feel real' better conveys perception. 'They are real' isn't incorrect but 'feel real' aligns with subjective judgment. This addresses subtle register and verb usage.

× Yes I do, whenever I am browsing websites or social media like Instagram, Facebook, Tiktoks, I keep bombarding by advertisements uh, about screen sunscreens, especially about the things that I have recently searched about and it makes me feel so frustrated.

✓ Yes, I do. Whenever I browse websites or social media like Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok, I keep being bombarded by advertisements about sunscreens, especially for things I have recently searched for, and it makes me feel very frustrated.

Multiple issues: use present simple 'browse' for habitual actions; 'keep being bombarded' is the passive form needed (not 'I keep bombarding by'); 'TikTok' is singular proper name; 'sunscreens' rather than 'screen sunscreens' and remove redundant 'about'. Use 'searched for' to complete the phrasal verb. Also split into clearer sentences and replace 'uh' with punctuation. 'Very frustrated' is more natural than 'so frustrated' in formal correction.

× I keep bombarding by advertisements uh, about screen sunscreens, especially about the things that I have recently searched about and it makes me feel so frustrated.

✓ I keep being bombarded by advertisements about sunscreens, especially for things I have recently searched for, and it makes me feel very frustrated.

Clarifies passive voice ('being bombarded'), removes filler 'uh', corrects 'screen sunscreens' to 'sunscreens', and places the preposition 'for' after 'searched' to complete the phrasal verb. This fixes pronoun and verb usage and improves clarity.