Swimming— Part 1 Report

Suggestion: Be more concise and natural: begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and correct grammar (e.g., “phobia of water,” “I chose”).

Example: I don’t like swimming yet because I have a phobia of water, so I’ve never learned. However, I’d like to overcome this fear and take lessons in the future; when I was in elementary school I chose art classes instead of swimming, so I missed the opportunity.

Suggestion: Start with a direct answer, then give a brief reason and one specific example. Fix unclear phrases (e.g., “I have a fear of water”) and use linking words like “however” and “eventually” accurately.

Example: I don’t think swimming is impossible to learn; I learn new skills quickly. However, because I have a fear of water, I expect initial challenges, but with regular lessons and practice I’m confident I’ll improve eventually.

Suggestion: Answer directly and give one clear reason with specific details. Correct grammar and use linking words (“because,” “also,” “otherwise”). Replace vague phrases with concrete ones (e.g., “public pools in amusement parks,” “apartment buildings’ pools”).

Example: Most people in my country prefer swimming at public pools in amusement parks because they are safer and have life guards and proper equipment. People who live in apartment buildings often use their building’s pool for convenience.

Suggestion: Give a clear comparison with specific, accurate reasons and correct grammar. Use linking words like “for example” and “on the other hand.” Avoid unclear or incorrect statements ("go to sleep in the water" is confusing).

Example: In my opinion, swimming in a pool is safer than swimming in the sea because pools have controlled depth, lifeguards, and no strong currents. For example, children are safer in pools since there are shallow areas and supervising staff, whereas the sea can have unpredictable waves and currents.

× To be very honest, I have a phobia from water.

✓ To be very honest, I have a phobia of water.

The correct preposition with 'phobia' is 'of,' not 'from.' Use 'phobia of' to indicate what one is afraid of. Suggestion: say 'a phobia of water' or 'a fear of water.'

× I never tried swimming.

✓ I have never tried swimming.

When referring to life experience up to now, use present perfect 'have never tried' rather than simple past 'never tried.' Suggestion: use present perfect for experiences without a specific time.

× However, to overcome my fear of water, I would love to learn swimming.

✓ However, to overcome my fear of water, I would love to learn to swim.

After 'learn' the infinitive 'to swim' is more natural than the gerund 'swimming' when referring to acquiring the skill. Suggestion: use 'learn to swim' for learning a skill.

× I remember when I was in elementary school, I was asked to learn swimming.

✓ I remember when I was in elementary school, I was asked to learn to swim.

Same issue: use 'learn to swim' (infinitive) rather than 'learn swimming.' It is more idiomatic when describing being asked to acquire a skill.

× Instead, I choose the art subject to explore my art skills.

✓ Instead, I chose the art subject to explore my art skills.

The sentence refers to a past event ('when I was in elementary school'), so the verb should be past tense 'chose' instead of present 'choose.' Suggestion: keep past tense consistent.

× Later on, I didn't get chance to learn swimming.

✓ Later on, I didn't get a chance to learn to swim.

Missing article 'a' before 'chance' and maintain idiomatic 'learn to swim.' Also use past tense 'didn't get' which is correct; add 'a' and change 'swimming' to 'to swim.' Suggestion: 'didn't get a chance to learn to swim.'

× In my opinion, nothing is impossible to learn.

✓ In my opinion, nothing is impossible to learn.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable. No correction needed. (Kept for completeness.)

× I am a good deal and quick learner so I believe that it would be very easy to learn swimming.

✓ I am a quick learner, so I believe that it would be very easy to learn to swim.

'A good deal' is incorrect here; likely intended 'a good and quick learner' or simply 'a quick learner.' Also use 'learn to swim' not 'learn swimming.' Use a comma before 'so.' Suggestion: 'I am a quick learner, so I believe it will be easy to learn to swim.'

× However, as I have a water for PIA so in the beginning I would definitely face challenges, but in the end with the practice and experience I will definitely learn swimming.

✓ However, since I have a fear of water, at the beginning I would definitely face challenges, but with practice and experience I will definitely learn to swim.

Multiple issues: 'have a water for PIA' is incorrect—likely 'have a fear of water.' 'Since' expresses reason better than 'as' + extra 'so.' 'At the beginning' fits better than 'in the beginning' here optionally, and 'learn to swim' is idiomatic. Remove redundant 'definitely.' Suggestion: simplify to 'Since I have a fear of water, I would face challenges at first, but with practice I will learn to swim.'

× In my country most of the people prefer to go on swimming in the amusement parks.

✓ In my country, most people prefer to go swimming in amusement parks.

Remove 'the' before 'people' and 'on' before 'swimming.' Use plural 'amusement parks' without 'the' for general statement. Suggestion: 'most people prefer to go swimming in amusement parks.'

× They the reason behind this is the safety.

✓ The reason behind this is safety.

Original repeats subject incorrectly ('They the'). Simplify: 'The reason is safety.' No pronoun needed. Suggestion: avoid redundant words.

× The reason parks are always skewed and they have they provide the appropriate equipment to do swimming.

✓ Parks are always safe, and they provide appropriate equipment for swimming.

Original is unclear and has extra words ('skewed', 'they have they provide'). 'Skewed' is wrong; likely meant 'supervised' or 'safe.' I used 'safe.' Also use 'equipment for swimming' rather than 'to do swimming.' Suggestion: 'Parks are usually safe and provide appropriate equipment for swimming.'

× On the other hand if sometimes person live in the meeting they choose the their buildings.

✓ On the other hand, if someone lives in a complex, they choose their own buildings' pools.

Original has many errors: 'sometimes person live in the meeting' is incorrect. Use 'if someone lives in a housing complex' or 'apartment building.' 'They choose their buildings' is unclear; specify 'their buildings' pools.' Ensure subject-verb agreement: 'someone lives.' Suggestion: rephrase clearly.

× To my opinion, swimming in the pool would be more safer than swimming in the sea.

✓ In my opinion, swimming in a pool is safer than swimming in the sea.

Use 'in my opinion' not 'to my opinion.' 'More safer' is redundant; use 'safer.' Use 'a pool' for general comparison. Suggestion: 'In my opinion, swimming in a pool is safer than swimming in the sea.'

× For instance, if a child is swimming in the pool, it would be safer for him or her because he would not go to sleep in the water.

✓ For instance, if a child is swimming in a pool, it is safer because they are less likely to get into trouble in the water.

Pronoun 'it' as subject is awkward; use 'it is safer' or restructure. 'He would not go to sleep in the water' is odd and unlikely; better to say 'they are less likely to get into trouble' or 'drown.' Use singular 'they' for gender neutrality. Suggestion: avoid unlikely example and use clearer phrasing.

× Whoever in the sea it would case definitely.

✓ However, in the sea, the risk of drowning is definitely higher.

Original is ungrammatical ('Whoever in the sea it would case definitely'). Rephrase to convey intended meaning: higher risk in the sea. Use correct nouns and verbs: 'risk of drowning is higher.' Suggestion: be explicit: 'the risk is higher in the sea.'