Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is relevant but could be more natural and concise. Avoid redundancy like 'going forward to pursue'; instead, say 'I plan to pursue my master's degree.' Also, try to keep your answer within 3-4 sentences for clarity.

例: I'm currently a student. I recently completed my bachelor's degree and now I plan to pursue my master's.

提案: Your answer is clear but can be improved by adding linking words and more specific details. For example, explain what kind of family business it is and how you handle staff issues. Also, avoid repeating 'basic duties' and use more natural phrases.

例: I work as a Business Executive Officer in my family's retail business. Mainly, I recruit new staff and help resolve any problems they face to ensure smooth operations.

提案: Your answer has some grammar mistakes and awkward phrasing. For example, 'stuff' should be 'staff'. Also, use linking words like 'and' or 'also' to connect ideas. Try to be more specific about why the workplace is interesting and how the staff are supportive.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because the environment is pleasant and the view is beautiful. Also, the staff and supervisors are very supportive and helpful.

提案: Your answer has several errors and unclear phrases like 'hostilities of beautiful view'. Please avoid repeating previous answers and try to express your ideas clearly and correctly. Use linking words to connect points and correct grammar, e.g., 'the staff are well supported' and 'the superiors have good communication skills.'

例: Yes, I like my workplace because it has a beautiful view. Moreover, the staff are well supported, and the supervisors have excellent communication and leadership skills.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains many grammatical errors. Try to organize your ideas logically and use correct sentence structures. For example, start with your plan to pursue a master's degree, specify the field and country, and then mention your career goals. Use linking words like 'after' or 'then' to connect ideas.

例: In the future, I plan to pursue a master's degree in International Business in the USA. After completing my studies, I hope to work in the corporate sector.

× I'm a student, recently I completed my bachelors and now I'm going forward to pursue my masters.

✓ I'm a student. Recently, I completed my bachelor's degree and now I'm going forward to pursue my master's.

The sentence needed proper punctuation and possessive form for 'bachelor's' and 'master's'. Also, 'bachelors' and 'masters' should be possessive nouns when referring to degrees. Adding a period after 'student' separates ideas clearly.

× I work in my family business as Business Executive Officer.

✓ I work in my family business as a Business Executive Officer.

The sentence is missing the indefinite article 'a' before the job title. In English, job titles usually require an article when used in this context.

× My basic duties are to recruit new staff and resolve their problems.

✓ My basic duties are to recruit new staff and resolve their problems.

This sentence is correct and does not contain any grammar mistakes based on the provided list.

× Yes indeed, my workplace is very interesting and the view there is beautiful.

✓ Yes, indeed, my workplace is very interesting and the view there is beautiful.

Commas are needed after 'Yes' and 'indeed' to separate the interjections properly, improving sentence clarity.

× Moreover, the stuff and the supervisors are very supportive.

✓ Moreover, the staff and the supervisors are very supportive.

The word 'stuff' is incorrect here; the correct word is 'staff' when referring to employees.

× Yes, as I mentioned above, I love my place where I work because I have hostilities of beautiful view.

✓ Yes, as I mentioned above, I love the place where I work because I have a beautiful view.

The phrase 'I have hostilities of beautiful view' is incorrect. 'Hostilities' is wrong; the intended word is likely 'hostility' or more appropriately 'a beautiful view'. Also, 'my place where I work' is better as 'the place where I work'.

× Another is that the staff is very well supported and the superiors are also have good communication skills and leadership roles.

✓ Another reason is that the staff is very well supported and the superiors also have good communication skills and leadership roles.

The phrase 'Another is that' is incomplete; it should be 'Another reason is that'. Also, 'are also have' is incorrect; it should be 'also have'.

× In the future good plans of my are not.

✓ I do not have good plans for the future.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. The corrected sentence conveys the intended meaning clearly and correctly.

× Firstly, I want to pursue my masters again in international business in USA of computing my study I would work as corporate life.

✓ Firstly, I want to pursue my master's again in international business in the USA. After completing my studies, I would like to work in corporate life.

The original sentence is confusing and lacks proper structure. 'Masters' should be possessive 'master's'. 'USA' needs the definite article 'the'. The phrase 'of computing my study' is incorrect and replaced with 'After completing my studies'. 'Work as corporate life' is incorrect; it should be 'work in corporate life'.