Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more fluent and natural by avoiding filler words like 'uh' and 'umm'. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details using linking words. For example, start by stating your status, then explain your interest with specific reasons.

例: I'm currently a student who recently graduated with a degree in biotechnology. I chose this field because I have a strong interest in science subjects, especially biology, genetics, and molecular biology.

提案: Avoid filler words and improve sentence coherence by using linking words. Also, answer directly and clearly. For example, start by stating you don't work, then add details about your studies and location with clear connections.

例: I don't work at the moment because I recently completed my degree in biotechnology. I studied at a small university in Viterbo, which is a small city about an hour's drive from Rome.

提案: Make sure to answer the question directly and avoid ambiguity. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific reasons. Also, clarify any unclear terms or incomplete sentences.

例: Although I don't work there, I believe the university is a great place to study because it offers a peaceful and stimulating environment. Moreover, small universities often provide better support and attention to students.

提案: Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences. Use linking words to connect your ideas and provide clear, specific reasons. Also, ensure your sentences are complete and grammatically correct.

例: I would really like to work in a place with a peaceful and motivating environment because it helps me stay focused and become more productive every day.

提案: Try to avoid filler words and complete your sentences fully. Use linking words to express your plans clearly and provide specific examples. Make sure your answer is coherent and complete.

例: In the future, I definitely plan to work for a large pharmaceutical company, such as Angelini or Sanofi, because I want to apply my biotechnology knowledge in a professional environment.

× I study, uh, biotechnology because I like so much science subjects such as umm, biology, genetics, and molecular biology.

✓ I study, uh, biotechnology because I like science subjects such as umm, biology, genetics, and molecular biology very much.

The phrase 'like so much' is incorrect in this context. The correct adverbial phrase is 'like ... very much' to express strong liking. The adverb 'very much' should follow the object 'science subjects' to properly modify the verb 'like'.

× I just had my degree in biotechnology.

✓ I just got my degree in biotechnology.

The verb 'had' is not typically used to express the recent completion of a degree. The correct verb is 'got' or 'received' to indicate obtaining a degree. 'Had' implies possession rather than completion.

× my recently, uh, degree, umm, was taken in Viterbo, a small city near Rome, at about one hour by car.

✓ my recent degree was obtained in Viterbo, a small city near Rome, about one hour by car away.

The phrase 'was taken in' is incorrect for degrees; 'was obtained in' or 'was earned in' is correct. Also, 'recently' should be 'recent' as an adjective modifying 'degree'. The phrase 'at about one hour by car' is awkward; 'about one hour by car away' is clearer.

× And it, uh, is a small university.

✓ It is a small university.

The commas around 'uh' interrupt the sentence unnecessarily. Removing them improves fluency and clarity.

× I think that a small university can provide a better UMM.

✓ I think that a small university can provide a better environment.

The word 'UMM' is unclear and likely a mispronunciation or error. Replacing it with 'environment' fits the context and meaning.

× I like I would like so much the place where I work because of the peaceful and motivated environment.

✓ I would like the place where I work very much because of the peaceful and motivating environment.

The original sentence has redundant and misplaced phrases ('I like I would like so much'). The corrected sentence uses 'would like' properly and places 'very much' after the object. Also, 'motivated environment' should be 'motivating environment' to describe the environment's effect.

× Help me to stay focused and be more productive day by day.

✓ It helps me to stay focused and be more productive day by day.

The original sentence lacks a subject. Adding 'It' clarifies what helps the speaker. This corrects the sentence structure error.

× And it can.

✓ And it can.

This sentence is incomplete and unclear. It should be connected to the previous sentence or completed for clarity. However, without additional context, no correction is possible here.

× A prediction of my future, uh, can be definitely to have a work umm, in a big pharmaceutical company, uh, such as Angelini or Sanofi and umm, I would like to.

✓ My future plan is definitely to work in a big pharmaceutical company, such as Angelini or Sanofi, and I would like to.

The original sentence is awkward and ungrammatical. 'A prediction of my future can be definitely to have a work' is incorrect. The corrected sentence uses 'My future plan is definitely to work' which is clearer and grammatically correct.