Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and incomplete. Try to respond directly to the question with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy, and keep your answer concise within 5 sentences. Also, use correct verb tenses and avoid trailing off mid-sentence.

例: I am currently working full-time as a security guard with VP Protection in Toronto. I enjoy this job because it helps me improve my communication and problem-solving skills, which are important for my career growth.

提案: Your answer has some grammar mistakes and lacks coherence. Use present tense if you are currently working, and connect your ideas with linking words. Also, be specific about your interactions to enrich your answer.

例: I work as a security guard with GP Protection in Toronto. I really enjoy my job because I interact with many different types of people every day, which helps me develop my communication skills.

提案: Your answer is confusing and contains many errors. Focus on directly answering the question with clear sentences. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid irrelevant information. Also, correct vocabulary and grammar mistakes are important.

例: From my perspective, it is a very good place to work because it helps me improve my communication and problem-solving skills by interacting with different people daily. Additionally, the flexible schedule allows me to manage other tasks during the day.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains awkward phrasing. Try to express your opinion clearly and use correct vocabulary and sentence structure. Also, avoid filler words and be specific about why you like the place.

例: Yes, I really like the place where I work because it gives me a sense of freedom and is very close to my house, which makes commuting easy.

提案: Your answer is incomplete and unclear. Try to organize your thoughts before answering. Start with your current situation, then mention your past aspirations and future goals clearly and concisely, using proper grammar.

例: At the moment, I have not decided on my future work plans. However, when I was studying, I wanted to become a business owner. If I get the chance, I plan to study more and pursue that goal.

× At present I'm on a work permit. I worked as a security guard with VP protection as a full time in Toronto.

✓ At present I'm on a work permit. I work as a security guard with VP Protection full time in Toronto.

The sentence incorrectly uses the past tense 'worked' when referring to a current job. Since the student is currently working, the present tense 'work' should be used to match the present situation.

× I worked as a security guard with VP protection as a full time in Toronto.

✓ I work as a security guard with VP Protection full time in Toronto.

The phrase 'as a full time' is incorrect. 'Full time' is an adverbial phrase and should not be preceded by 'as a'. Also, 'VP protection' should be capitalized as 'VP Protection' if it is a proper noun.

× I really love my job because it helps me to enhance my communication skills, problem solving skills which helps me to grow in my career. Moreover, I'm.

✓ I really love my job because it helps me enhance my communication and problem-solving skills, which help me grow in my career.

The sentence is incomplete and has structural issues. 'Helps me to enhance' can be simplified to 'helps me enhance'. 'Problem solving skills' should be hyphenated as 'problem-solving skills'. The relative clause 'which helps me' should agree in number with 'skills' and be 'which help me'. The sentence ending with 'Moreover, I'm.' is incomplete and should be removed or completed.

× I worked as a security guard with GP protection in Toronto. I really enjoyed my job. Additionally I interacting with different type of people.

✓ I worked as a security guard with GP Protection in Toronto. I really enjoyed my job. Additionally, I interacted with different types of people.

The phrase 'I interacting' is incorrect; it should be 'I interacted' to maintain past tense consistency. Also, 'different type of people' should be pluralized to 'different types of people' to be grammatically correct.

× Additionally I interacting with different type of people.

✓ Additionally, I interacted with different types of people.

The preposition 'with' is correct here, but the verb form 'interacting' is incorrect and should be 'interacted' to match past tense. Also, 'different type' should be plural 'different types'.

× She was from my perspective, it is very good place to work because it enhances my communication skills as well as my problem sogging skills I have with the different type of people on my daily basis.

✓ From my perspective, it is a very good place to work because it enhances my communication skills as well as my problem-solving skills I use with different types of people on a daily basis.

The sentence incorrectly starts with 'She was' which is unrelated and confusing. 'Problem sogging' is a typo and should be 'problem-solving'. 'The different type of people' should be 'different types of people'. 'On my daily basis' should be 'on a daily basis'. Also, 'a very good place' requires the article 'a'.

× I have with the different type of people on my daily basis.

✓ I have with different types of people on a daily basis.

The phrase 'on my daily basis' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'on a daily basis'. Also, 'the different type of people' should be 'different types of people'.

× Well, uh, I did umm, I went to seven jobs so I have enough time to do other job during the daytime.

✓ Well, I have done seven jobs, so I have enough time to do other jobs during the daytime.

The phrase 'I did umm, I went to seven jobs' is awkward and unclear. 'I have done seven jobs' is clearer. Also, 'other job' should be plural 'other jobs' to match the context.

× Yes, I really like the place where I work little.

✓ Yes, I really like the place where I work a little.

The word 'little' is an adverb and needs the article 'a' to form the phrase 'a little' meaning 'somewhat' or 'to some extent'.

× It does give me a sense of freedom as well as it is uh, this nearly to my house.

✓ It does give me a sense of freedom as well as it is near my house.

The phrase 'this nearly to my house' is incorrect. The correct phrase is 'near my house' to indicate proximity.

× Well, umm, right now I didn't decide anything for my future plans.

✓ Well, umm, right now I haven't decided anything about my future plans.

The phrase 'didn't decide' is simple past, but 'right now' indicates present relevance, so present perfect 'haven't decided' is more appropriate. Also, 'for my future plans' should be 'about my future plans'.

× I still remember when I'm when I did study.

✓ I still remember when I was studying.

The phrase 'when I'm when I did study' is incorrect and confusing. The correct form is 'when I was studying' to indicate past continuous action.

× So that time I want to become a business owner so if ever I get a chance.

✓ At that time, I wanted to become a business owner, so if I ever get a chance,

The sentence mixes tenses incorrectly. 'I want' should be past tense 'I wanted' to match 'at that time'. Also, 'so if ever I get a chance' is better as 'so if I ever get a chance'.

× So I did study more and then I want to become.

✓ So I studied more and then I wanted to become one.

'Did study' is awkward; simple past 'studied' is better. 'I want to become' should be past tense 'I wanted to become' to maintain consistency. The sentence is incomplete; adding 'one' clarifies the meaning.