Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to make your response more natural and concise by directly stating your current status and job, and avoid redundancy. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: I recently graduated and now work full-time in mobile veterinary clinics. We visit farmers' homes to treat their animals, which helps me gain practical experience in large animal care.

提案: Your answer is relevant but could be improved by using clearer sentence structures and linking words. Also, provide more specific details about your work and the challenges you face.

例: I work in a remote village called Pasmaru, which is a great place despite its challenges. The cases I handle are often difficult, but with the support of my assistant director, I manage them effectively.

提案: Your answer is generally good but can be improved by avoiding repetition and using more precise vocabulary. Use linking words to connect your ideas clearly.

例: Yes, it's a good place to work because the village is quiet and surrounded by nature. Moreover, the friendly people and challenging cases make the job more interesting.

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical mistakes. Try to express your feelings more clearly and avoid unnecessary repetition. Use linking words to organize your ideas logically.

例: I really like the place where I work because the pleasant nature makes me feel connected to the environment. Additionally, the friendly people offer unique experiences, making it a peaceful place to work.

提案: Your answer conveys your plans but has grammatical errors and redundancy. Try to express your goals clearly and use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

例: In the future, I plan to complete my postgraduate studies because it is essential nowadays. I want to specialize in large animal veterinary medicine, which is why I took this job to gain practical experience handling large animals carefully.

× I'm a recently undergraduate student.

✓ I'm a recent undergraduate student.

The adjective 'recently' is an adverb and cannot modify the noun 'undergraduate student'. The correct adjective form is 'recent' to describe the noun properly.

× After completion of my undergraduation, I really got into a nice job that is full time.

✓ After completing my undergraduate studies, I got a nice full-time job.

The phrase 'After completion of my undergraduation' is awkward; 'After completing my undergraduate studies' is more natural. Also, 'really got into a nice job that is full time' is better expressed as 'got a nice full-time job' for clarity and correctness.

× So I joined in job to know more about the large animal practice so that I could.

✓ So I joined a job to learn more about large animal practice so that I could.

The phrase 'joined in job' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'joined a job'. Also, 'know more about the large animal practice' should be 'learn more about large animal practice' for better usage.

× I work in a very remote village named Pasmaru.

✓ I work in a very remote village called Pasmaru.

While 'named' is not incorrect, 'called' is more commonly used in spoken English to refer to the name of a place.

× It's really a good place to work and the cases where I have treated are really a bit difficult.

✓ It's really a good place to work and the cases I have treated are quite difficult.

The phrase 'cases where I have treated' is incorrect; it should be 'cases I have treated'. Also, 'really a bit difficult' is awkward; 'quite difficult' is more natural.

× But somehow I work in all this with the help of my assistant director who helped me.

✓ But somehow I manage all this with the help of my assistant director who helps me.

The phrase 'I work in all this' is incorrect; 'I manage all this' is more appropriate. Also, 'who helped me' should be 'who helps me' to maintain present tense consistency.

× It's it's really good place to work because the village is very quiet and you can feel the nature.

✓ It's really a good place to work because the village is very quiet and you can feel nature.

The phrase 'feel the nature' is incorrect; 'feel nature' is the correct expression. Also, 'good place' needs the article 'a' before it.

× So it's really a bit more interesting to work there because the people, they are very good to you and the cases are also challenging at the same time.

✓ So it's really more interesting to work there because the people are very good to you and the cases are also challenging at the same time.

The pronoun 'they' is unnecessary after 'the people'; it causes redundancy. Removing 'they' improves sentence clarity.

× As I really do like the place where I work because the nature is quite pleasant and you can feel you're connected to that nature and the people are so friendly and they offer you a different things.

✓ I really do like the place where I work because nature is quite pleasant and you can feel you're connected to it, and the people are so friendly and they offer you different things.

The phrase 'As I really do like' is unnecessary; starting with 'I really do like' is better. 'The nature' should be 'nature' without 'the'. 'A different things' is incorrect; it should be 'different things'. Also, 'connected to that nature' is better as 'connected to it' for conciseness.

× But it's A and the thing, but it's really quite place to work there.

✓ But it's a quiet place to work there.

The phrase 'A and the thing' is incorrect and unclear; it should be removed. 'Quite place' needs the adjective 'quiet' and the article 'a' before it.

× In my future, I want to complete my post graduation study because it's a very requiring nowadays to complete my post graduation so that I could be a master in veterinary studies and I want to do in a particular area that is large animals.

✓ In the future, I want to complete my postgraduate studies because it is very necessary nowadays to complete postgraduate studies so that I can become a master in veterinary studies, and I want to specialize in a particular area, which is large animals.

The phrase 'it's a very requiring' is incorrect; 'it is very necessary' is correct. 'Post graduation study' should be 'postgraduate studies'. 'So that I could be' should be 'so that I can become' to express future possibility. 'I want to do in a particular area' is incomplete; 'I want to specialize in a particular area' is correct.

× So that's the reason why I joined a job to to know how to handle a large animals very carefully.

✓ So that's the reason why I joined a job to learn how to handle large animals very carefully.

The phrase 'joined a job' is awkward; 'got a job' or 'started a job' is better, but 'joined a job' is acceptable in some contexts. 'To to know' has a repeated 'to'. 'A large animals' is incorrect; 'large animals' without 'a' is correct.