Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is a bit unclear and contains some grammatical errors. Try to make your sentences simpler and more direct. Also, avoid redundancy and focus on clear information about your job and workplace. Use linking words to connect ideas logically.

例: I have been working as a bank manager for the last 10 years at a well-known local bank in Russia. This bank is one of the prestigious institutions that provides subsidized loans to farmers to support their farming activities.

提案: Your answer is confusing and contains irrelevant or unclear phrases. Focus on directly answering the question with clear and relevant information. Use linking words to explain the role of your workplace clearly.

例: I work at a famous financial institution in our region that offers low-interest loans to farmers. The government subsidizes part of the interest to help farmers sustain their agricultural production.

提案: Your answer has grammatical mistakes and unclear phrases. Try to use simple sentences and correct grammar. Also, explain why the environment is good with specific details and use linking words to connect ideas.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because the working environment is excellent. We cooperate well as a team, and as a manager, I try to create a friendly atmosphere. This teamwork helps us achieve our goals effectively.

提案: Your answer is repetitive and incomplete. Avoid repeating words and finish your sentences properly. Provide clear reasons why you like the place and use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: Yes, I like the place where I work. I have been there for the last two years, and it is about 60 miles from my hometown. The area is very beautiful and peaceful, which makes it a pleasant place to work.

提案: Your answer is unclear and incomplete. Try to clearly state your future plans and explain your reasons with specific details. Use linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: In the future, I plan to continue working in the banking sector, focusing more on helping poor farmers. I find this work rewarding because it supports the poorest people in our country, especially through government subsidies.

× Actually, I've been working in a bank for the last 10 years and I'm bank manager.

✓ Actually, I've been working in a bank for the last 10 years and I'm a bank manager.

The sentence is missing the indefinite article 'a' before 'bank manager'. In English, singular countable nouns usually require an article. Here, 'bank manager' is a singular countable noun and needs 'a' before it.

× I've been working in Russia, which is a famous local bank in our area and it is all of the prestigious institutions which provides finance to the farmers at very subsidized range in order to enhance them harming activity.

✓ I've been working in Russia, which is a famous local bank in our area and it is one of the prestigious institutions which provides finance to the farmers at a very subsidized rate in order to enhance their farming activity.

The phrase 'all of the prestigious institutions' is incorrect; it should be 'one of the prestigious institutions' to indicate a single institution among many. Also, 'subsidized range' is incorrect; the correct term is 'subsidized rate'. 'Enhance them harming activity' is incorrect; it should be 'enhance their farming activity' because 'them' is a pronoun used incorrectly and 'harming' is a typo for 'farming'.

× I've been talking in the classic cuisine moment.

✓ I've been working in the classic cuisine moment.

The verb 'talking' is incorrect in this context; the intended meaning is likely 'working'. Also, 'in the classic cuisine moment' is unclear and likely incorrect; however, without more context, only the verb correction is made here.

× It is a one of the famous financial institutions in in our region and it provides a low interest loan to the farmers and the other part of the interest is subsidized by our government.

✓ It is one of the famous financial institutions in our region and it provides low-interest loans to the farmers and the other part of the interest is subsidized by our government.

The phrase 'a one of the famous' is incorrect; 'one of the famous' is correct. Also, 'a low interest loan' should be plural 'low-interest loans' to match the plural 'farmers'. Hyphenation in 'low-interest' is standard when used as an adjective.

× It actually acts on behalf of government to survive a health pharmacy or the produce.

✓ It actually acts on behalf of the government to support healthy farming or the produce.

'Survive a health pharmacy or the produce' is incorrect and unclear. Likely intended meaning is 'support healthy farming or the produce'. Also, 'government' needs the definite article 'the' before it.

× Are parking environment is very excellent, it helps us to cooperate with each other and as I'm a manager, I create the most favourable environment for our colleagues.

✓ Our working environment is excellent; it helps us cooperate with each other and, as I'm a manager, I create the most favourable environment for our colleagues.

'Are parking environment' is incorrect; it should be 'Our working environment'. Also, 'helps us to cooperate' is better as 'helps us cooperate'. The sentence is also split for clarity.

× Moreover, it is a team or so both environment is also helpful for us to achieve our targets.

✓ Moreover, it is a team-oriented environment which is also helpful for us to achieve our targets.

The phrase 'a team or so both environment' is unclear and ungrammatical. The intended meaning is likely 'a team-oriented environment'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and correctness.

× So I think our environment.

✓ So I think our environment is very good.

The sentence is incomplete and lacks a verb. Adding 'is very good' completes the sentence and conveys the intended meaning.

× Actually, I've been talking in a place for last five years and my present posting is for the last two years, which is a very beautiful and beautiful place.

✓ Actually, I've been working in this place for the last five years and my present posting has been for the last two years, which is a very beautiful place.

'Talking in a place' is incorrect; it should be 'working in this place'. Also, 'for last five years' needs the definite article 'the' before 'last'. The phrase 'very beautiful and beautiful' is redundant; one 'beautiful' suffices.

× Then it is situated almost 60 mile away from our hometown.

✓ It is situated almost 60 miles away from our hometown.

'Then' is unnecessary and removed. '60 mile' should be plural '60 miles' because the distance is more than one mile.

× Actually the place is very charming, charming to the people and.

✓ Actually, the place is very charming to the people.

The sentence is incomplete and repeats 'charming'. The correction removes redundancy and completes the sentence.

× Ads have been working in a bank and in a peninsula institution which provides finance total.

✓ I have been working in a bank and in a financial institution which provides finance support.

'Ads' is likely a typo for 'I'. 'Peninsula institution' is unclear; likely 'financial institution' is intended. 'Finance total' is incorrect; 'finance support' or 'financial services' is more appropriate.

× How much I think I should involve more attentively in my heart because I've been doing a prestigious job helping the poorest people of the country in various ways.

✓ I think I should be more involved and attentive in my work because I've been doing a prestigious job helping the poorest people of the country in various ways.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. The correction clarifies the meaning and corrects sentence structure.

× Moreover, government subsidies are also encouraging for the poor farmer and it is necessary for.

✓ Moreover, government subsidies are also encouraging for the poor farmers and are necessary for them.

'Poor farmer' should be plural 'poor farmers'. The sentence is incomplete; adding 'and are necessary for them' completes the thought.