Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Jawaban Anda sudah cukup jelas dan relevan, namun kalimatnya agak panjang dan ada beberapa kesalahan tata bahasa seperti 'a master degree in abroad' yang seharusnya 'a master's degree abroad'. Cobalah untuk membuat kalimat lebih singkat dan langsung ke poin utama, serta perbaiki tata bahasa agar lebih natural.

例: I work as a project engineer in a government oil and gas company. I've been in this field for seven years. I plan to pursue a master's degree abroad to advance my career.

提案: Jawaban Anda sudah memberikan informasi yang baik, tetapi ada beberapa kesalahan tata bahasa dan kalimat yang tidak lengkap seperti 'including my patient' dan 'it combined my technical'. Gunakan kalimat yang lengkap dan perhatikan penggunaan kata yang tepat. Selain itu, gunakan kata penghubung untuk membuat jawaban lebih koheren.

例: I work at a government institution in the oil and gas sector and have been there for seven years. In the future, I hope to become a data engineer by applying the skills and knowledge I will gain from my master's degree. This career change excites me because it combines my technical background with new data science skills.

提案: Jawaban Anda sudah mengandung opini yang jelas, namun kalimatnya agak panjang dan ada kesalahan tata bahasa seperti 'at the first time'. Cobalah untuk membuat kalimat lebih singkat dan gunakan kata penghubung untuk memperjelas alasan Anda.

例: It depends on the employees. For junior engineers, I would not recommend it because the starting salary is quite low and not very rewarding.

提案: Jawaban Anda sudah jelas dan relevan, tetapi ada kesalahan tata bahasa seperti 'my currently workplace' dan 'It took long hours'. Gunakan kalimat yang lebih tepat dan singkat untuk membuat jawaban lebih natural.

例: Generally, I don't like my current workplace because it is far from my home. I spend almost two hours commuting every day due to heavy traffic. Therefore, I hope to find a workplace closer to home.

提案: Jawaban Anda kurang jelas dan terdapat kesalahan tata bahasa serta penggunaan kata yang tidak tepat seperti 'nurture my patient'. Cobalah untuk menyusun kalimat yang lebih jelas dan gunakan kosakata yang sesuai untuk menjelaskan rencana masa depan Anda.

例: After I graduate with my master's degree next year, I hope to become a digital energy expert. I want to work in the oil and gas industry while applying my data science skills.

× I work as project engineer in an oil and gas government institution.

✓ I work as a project engineer in an oil and gas government institution.

The sentence is missing the indefinite article 'a' before the singular noun 'project engineer'. In English, singular countable nouns usually require an article or determiner. Adding 'a' makes the sentence grammatically correct.

× I've been working for seven years in this industry and I hope I can redefine my career after taking a master degree in abroad.

✓ I've been working for seven years in this industry and I hope I can redefine my career after taking a master's degree abroad.

The phrase 'a master degree' should be 'a master's degree' to correctly indicate possession. Also, the preposition 'in abroad' is incorrect; 'abroad' does not require a preposition. The correct form is simply 'abroad'.

× I work at a government institution in the oil and gas sector, where I have been employed for seven years.

✓ I work for a government institution in the oil and gas sector, where I have been employed for seven years.

The preposition 'at' is less appropriate here; 'work for' is commonly used to indicate employment by an organization. Using 'for' clarifies the relationship between the employee and the institution.

× In the future, I hope to transition into a data engineering role using the skills I have developed, including my patient and the knowledge gained from my master's degree in the future.

✓ In the future, I hope to transition into a data engineering role using the skills I have developed, including my patience and the knowledge gained from my master's degree.

The word 'patient' is a noun meaning a person receiving medical care, but the intended word is 'patience', which means the ability to wait calmly. Also, 'in the future' is redundant here since it was already mentioned at the start of the sentence.

× This career change excites me because it combined my technical.

✓ This career change excites me because it combines my technical skills.

The verb 'combined' is past tense, which does not agree with the present tense 'excites'. It should be 'combines'. Also, the sentence is incomplete; 'my technical' needs a noun such as 'skills' to complete the thought.

× I think it depends on the specific people that work.

✓ I think it depends on the specific people who work.

The relative pronoun 'that' is less appropriate when referring to people; 'who' is the correct relative pronoun for people.

× For example when we talk about the younger people or junior engineer, I would say not recommended because the compensation or salary at the first time is limited and not worth it at all.

✓ For example, when we talk about younger people or junior engineers, I would say it is not recommended because the compensation or salary at the beginning is limited and not worth it at all.

The phrase 'junior engineer' should be plural 'junior engineers' to match 'younger people'. Also, 'at the first time' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'at the beginning'. Adding 'it is' before 'not recommended' completes the sentence.

× Generally speaking, I don't like my currently workplace because it is far away from my home.

✓ Generally speaking, I don't like my current workplace because it is far away from my home.

The word 'currently' is an adverb and cannot modify a noun directly. The correct adjective form is 'current' to describe 'workplace'.

× It took long hours, like almost two hours every single day with a massive traffic congestion.

✓ It takes a long time, almost two hours every single day with massive traffic congestion.

The verb tense should be present 'takes' to match the habitual action. 'Long hours' is better expressed as 'a long time' in this context. Also, 'a massive traffic congestion' is incorrect because 'traffic congestion' is uncountable; the article 'a' should be removed.

× So I hope I can replace my current workplace.

✓ So I hope I can change my current workplace.

The verb 'replace' is not appropriate here because one cannot replace a workplace oneself. The correct verb is 'change' to express the desire to work somewhere else.

× I hope after graduating from master's degree in the next year, I can redefine my career as digital energy expert, that I can work in the oil and gas industry, but then I can nurture my patient in terms of the data science skills.

✓ I hope after graduating from my master's degree next year, I can redefine my career as a digital energy expert, so that I can work in the oil and gas industry, and nurture my patience in terms of data science skills.

The phrase 'graduating from master's degree' needs the possessive 'my master's degree'. 'In the next year' is better as 'next year'. 'Digital energy expert' requires the article 'a'. The conjunction 'that' is incorrect here; 'so that' expresses purpose. 'But then' is replaced with 'and' for better flow. 'Nurture my patient' is incorrect; it should be 'nurture my patience'. Also, 'the data science skills' is better as 'data science skills' without 'the'.