Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 답변이 명확하지 않고 문법적으로 부자연스러운 부분이 있습니다. 문장을 간결하고 명확하게 구성하며, 불필요한 중복을 피하고, 문법적 오류를 줄이는 연습이 필요합니다.

例: I am currently a university student. This semester, I am focusing on preparing to study abroad.

提案: 답변이 혼란스럽고 문법적 오류가 많으며, 문장이 길고 중복되어 이해하기 어렵습니다. 간결하고 명확하게 답변하며, 문법과 어휘 사용에 주의해야 합니다.

例: I work part-time at a cupcake shop from Monday to Friday, where I make drinks and cupcakes.

提案: 답변이 모순되고 어색한 표현이 있습니다. 장단점을 명확히 구분하고, 자연스러운 연결어를 사용하여 논리적으로 답변하는 연습이 필요합니다.

例: Yes, working at the cupcake shop has both advantages and disadvantages. For example, I can enjoy eating cupcakes, but the job can be quite hard and tiring.

提案: 답변이 다소 어색하고 문법적 오류가 있습니다. 장소에 대한 구체적인 묘사와 자연스러운 연결어 사용으로 답변을 개선할 수 있습니다.

例: Yes, I like the cupcake shop because it is bright and clean. The fresh air, cozy furniture, and lively music make it a pleasant place to work.

提案: 답변에 중복과 문법 오류가 있으며, 문장이 명확하지 않습니다. 계획을 간결하고 명확하게 표현하고, 문법적 정확성을 높이는 연습이 필요합니다.

例: I plan to work abroad, especially in Australia. I want to go there on a working holiday visa and do part-time jobs.

× I am currently a student of university.

✓ I am currently a student at university.

The phrase 'student of university' is incorrect because 'university' is a countable noun and requires a preposition. The correct preposition is 'at' when referring to being enrolled in an institution. Therefore, 'a student at university' is the proper expression.

× But now I'm in the rest of my studying in this semester because I want to prepare and study to go abroad as an.

✓ But now I'm in the rest period of my studies this semester because I want to prepare to go abroad.

The original sentence is awkward and incomplete ('as an' is left hanging). 'In the rest of my studying' is not a natural phrase; 'rest period of my studies' is clearer. Also, 'prepare and study to go abroad' is redundant; 'prepare to go abroad' suffices.

× Oh no I'm doing my part time jobs and cupcake shop and Mesa Academy I I usually work in cupcake shop one day to Friday and I make some drinks and cupcakes.

✓ Oh no, I'm doing part-time jobs at a cupcake shop and Mesa Academy. I usually work at the cupcake shop from Monday to Friday, and I make drinks and cupcakes.

The original sentence lacks proper punctuation and conjunctions, making it confusing. 'Part time jobs' should be hyphenated as 'part-time jobs.' 'One day to Friday' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'from Monday to Friday.' Also, 'in cupcake shop' should be 'at the cupcake shop'.

× Yes, I think umm, those jobs have each advantage and disadvantages.

✓ Yes, I think, umm, those jobs each have advantages and disadvantages.

The phrase 'each advantage and disadvantages' is incorrect. 'Each' should modify 'have,' and 'advantages and disadvantages' should be plural to match the context.

× Unfortunately, working in a cupcake shop has many advantages.

✓ Unfortunately, working in a cupcake shop has many disadvantages.

The sentence contradicts itself by saying 'Unfortunately' but then stating 'many advantages.' It is likely the speaker meant 'disadvantages' here.

× I can eat a lot of cupcakes, but it's so hard and difficult.

✓ I can eat a lot of cupcakes, but it's very hard and difficult.

The phrase 'so hard and difficult' is informal; 'very hard and difficult' is more appropriate in this context. Also, 'hard' and 'difficult' are synonyms, so using both is redundant; better to use one or rephrase.

× Yes, I like my cupcake shops place because it's very white and the air of the place is fresh and clean I think, and there are some cozy furniture and exciting musics in the place so I like.

✓ Yes, I like my cupcake shop's place because it's very bright, and the air in the place is fresh and clean, I think. There is some cozy furniture and exciting music in the place, so I like it.

'Cupcake shops place' should be possessive 'cupcake shop's place.' 'Very white' is incorrect; 'very bright' is better. 'Air of the place' should be 'air in the place.' 'Furniture' is uncountable, so 'some cozy furniture' is correct. 'Musics' is incorrect; 'music' is uncountable and should not be plural.

× Or I have a plan to work in other countries especially in Australia.

✓ I have a plan to work in other countries, especially in Australia.

The word 'Or' at the beginning is unnecessary and incorrect here. It should be removed to make the sentence clear.

× I want to stay there as as a working holidays students or workers.

✓ I want to stay there as a working holiday student or worker.

'Working holidays students' is incorrect; the correct term is 'working holiday student.' Also, 'as as' is a repetition error. 'Worker' is singular to match 'student.'

× I want to do part time job in there.

✓ I want to do a part-time job there.

'Part time job' should be hyphenated as 'part-time job.' The preposition 'in' is incorrect here; 'there' does not require a preposition. Also, 'a' is needed before 'part-time job.'