Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant but could be more natural and concise. Avoid redundancy such as 'tracking payments of goods' and 'securing procurement' which could be simplified. Also, try to add a linking phrase to make it flow better.

例: I work as a finance officer at LBHLC, where I manage payments and procurement processes to ensure smooth operations.

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains repetition and grammatical errors. Try to structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and then explain your company's role with specific details, using linking words for coherence.

例: I work at LBHLC, an aggregate company in Ghana. It helps smallholder farmers by providing quality inputs and connecting them to financial institutions, which has been a challenge for many farmers here.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains incomplete sentences and repetition. Focus on giving a direct answer first, then support it with specific reasons using linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, LBH is a good place to work because it supports smallholder farmers who often lack access to financing, helping them increase productivity.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant but could be more concise and natural. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly and avoid repeating 'like to work at LBH'.

例: Yes, I enjoy working at LBH because it offers a conducive environment and is committed to supporting small farmers through financial inclusion.

提案: Your answer is understandable but could be more fluent and structured. Avoid repeating the same idea and use linking words to connect your sentences.

例: I have several future plans, but my main goal is to become a general manager in a multinational company like KPMG one day.

× Helping smallholder farmers secure quality input and also connecting small other farmers farmers to financial institution as source of financing has been a menace until these smallholder farmers in Ghana.

✓ Helping smallholder farmers secure quality inputs and also connecting smallholder farmers to financial institutions as sources of financing has been a challenge for these smallholder farmers in Ghana.

The sentence contains incorrect prepositions and plural forms. 'Input' should be plural 'inputs' to match the context. 'Small other farmers farmers' is redundant and incorrect; it should be 'smallholder farmers'. 'Financial institution' should be plural 'financial institutions' to indicate multiple sources. 'As source of financing' should be 'as sources of financing' to agree in number. 'Has been a menace until these smallholder farmers' is unclear; 'has been a challenge for these smallholder farmers' is clearer and grammatically correct.

× Will the area of good places one can work but I choose to work at LBH because of the because of the mission to support smallholder farmers for instance, our farmers here in Ghana lack access to financing to increase productivity and hence LBH does the.

✓ There are many good places one can work, but I choose to work at LBH because of its mission to support smallholder farmers. For instance, our farmers here in Ghana lack access to financing to increase productivity, and hence LBH addresses this issue.

The original sentence is fragmented and lacks proper structure. 'Will the area of good places one can work' is unclear and incomplete. The phrase 'because of the because of the mission' is repetitive. The sentence needs to be split for clarity and coherence. The correction provides a clear subject and verb, proper conjunctions, and completes the thought logically.

× Yes, I like the place where I work because it's a conducive environment and the mission to support smaller farmers here in Ghana with financial inclusion is also a reason why I like to work at LBH.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because it's a conducive environment and the mission to support smallholder farmers here in Ghana with financial inclusion is also a reason why I like to work at LBH.

The adjective 'smaller' is incorrectly used to describe 'farmers'. The correct term is 'smallholder farmers', which is a specific term referring to farmers who manage small plots of land. Using the correct adjective improves clarity and accuracy.

× Well, I have a lot of future work plans, but the major future work plan I have is to be a general manager one day. Aspire to be a general manager in a multinational company such as KPMG.

✓ Well, I have a lot of future work plans, but the major one is to be a general manager one day. I aspire to be a general manager in a multinational company such as KPMG.

The second sentence 'Aspire to be a general manager...' lacks a subject, making it a sentence fragment. Adding the subject 'I' corrects the sentence structure. Also, 'future work plan I have' is repetitive; simplifying to 'the major one' improves fluency.