Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and 'um' to make your answer sound more natural and confident. Also, be concise and avoid repeating the same information. For example, you mentioned 'currently' and 'now' multiple times unnecessarily. Use a clear topic sentence and support it briefly.

例: I am currently a 12th-grade student studying mathematics at high school. After I graduate, I plan to work while continuing my university studies.

提案: Avoid filler words and be more specific about your interests. Instead of saying 'stuff like backends and other things,' specify what kind of work you want to do. Also, start with a direct answer before adding details.

例: I don't work currently because I am still in high school. However, I hope to work at Microsoft as a software engineer, focusing on backend development and contributing to their projects.

提案: Try to avoid repetition such as 'experience, experience' and improve sentence structure for clarity. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Also, be more precise in describing the environment.

例: Although I don't work there, my brother, who is a software engineer at Microsoft, says it is a great workplace. The environment is collaborative, with everyone supporting each other and sharing innovative ideas openly.

提案: Reduce hesitation and filler words to sound more confident. Use linking words like 'because' and 'so' properly to connect your ideas. Also, correct grammar mistakes such as 'there it's progression' to 'its progression'.

例: I would like to work at Microsoft because, based on my brother's experience, it has an amazing environment. Moreover, Microsoft leads in technology, and I want to contribute to the future development of AI and its progression.

提案: Avoid filler words and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect your ideas logically. Also, clarify phrases like 'researchers research' to 'research projects' or 'research activities'.

例: I plan to study software engineering for my bachelor's degree and then pursue management studies. My dream is to become an executive in a big tech company, so I will participate in various competitions and research projects to gain experience.

× I'm now currently at the last year of my high school.

✓ I'm now currently in the last year of my high school.

The preposition 'at' is incorrect here; the correct preposition to indicate being in a particular year or grade is 'in'. So, 'in the last year' is the proper phrase.

× Uh, but I really like to work after I graduate.

✓ Uh, but I would really like to work after I graduate.

The phrase 'really like to' is better expressed with the modal verb 'would' to indicate desire or intention in the future, so 'would really like to' is more appropriate.

× Uh, even if I'm working, if I'm, even if I'm studying in the university.

✓ Uh, even if I'm working, or even if I'm studying at the university.

The phrase 'if I'm, even if I'm' is redundant and awkward; also, the correct preposition for university is 'at' not 'in'. The sentence is better structured as 'even if I'm working, or even if I'm studying at the university'.

× I want to be a software engineer at Microsoft and do, umm, stuff like backends and other things on their projects.

✓ I want to be a software engineer at Microsoft and do, umm, stuff like backend development and other things in their projects.

The term 'backends' is informal and plural; 'backend development' is more appropriate. Also, the preposition 'on' should be 'in' when referring to working within projects.

× Everybody are helping each other out and there are many cool ideas around and they are very open to each other about their ideas and they help each other.

✓ Everybody is helping each other out and there are many cool ideas around and they are very open to each other about their ideas and they help each other.

The subject 'Everybody' is singular and requires the singular verb 'is' instead of 'are'.

× I, I believe I would what I would like to work in Microsoft because, uh, for my brother's experience, they have an amazing environment and Microsoft is leading in technology as well.

✓ I believe I would like to work at Microsoft because, uh, from my brother's experience, they have an amazing environment and Microsoft is a leader in technology as well.

The phrase 'I would what I would like to work' is incorrect and redundant; it should be 'I would like to work'. Also, the preposition for companies is 'at' not 'in'. 'Leading in technology' is better expressed as 'a leader in technology'.

× So I really like to be a part of that and be useful in the, uh, future of AI and there it's progression.

✓ So I really want to be a part of that and be useful in the, uh, future of AI and its progression.

The phrase 'there it's progression' is incorrect; it should be 'its progression' to show possession. Also, 'like to be' is better as 'want to be' for clarity.

× I like to study software engineering for bachelor and then I like to study about management as well.

✓ I would like to study software engineering for my bachelor's degree and then I would like to study management as well.

The phrase 'I like to study' is better expressed as 'I would like to study' to indicate future intention. Also, 'for bachelor' is incomplete; it should be 'for my bachelor's degree'. The preposition 'about' is unnecessary after 'study'.

× And for that I have to, uh, take part in many different competitions and researchers research.

✓ And for that, I have to, uh, take part in many different competitions and research projects.

The phrase 'researchers research' is incorrect; it should be 'research projects' or simply 'research'. Also, a comma after 'for that' improves clarity.