Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use clearer sentence structure: start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid redundancy (e.g., saying both “when I have free time or off days”).

例: I work as a doctor at a hospital. My main shifts are 24-hour duties, but they occur only eight days a month, so I use the remaining time to study for my postgraduate exams.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence naming the workplace, then add one specific detail about your role. Remove filler words like “uh” and avoid long run-on sentences by using linking words or punctuation.

例: I work at Max Hospital, Shalimar Park in North Delhi. Specifically, I am in the medical oncology department, where we administer chemotherapy to cancer patients.

提案: Avoid repeating the main idea; state your opinion briefly, then give two concise, specific examples. Use linking words (for example, moreover) to organise details and keep sentences within the five-sentence limit.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work. For example, the hospital provides a well-equipped doctor’s lounge with 24/7 food, and there are sleeping facilities plus daily toiletries and bedding for staff.

提案: Make the topic sentence direct, then give one specific reason and a brief future preference. Avoid awkward phrasing like “because I not only the place” and long sentences—use connectors such as “because” or “as well as.”

例: Yes, I like working there. I would prefer a similar hospital in the future because I enjoy the supportive team and the good facilities, so I hope to continue working in a similar environment.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence about your long-term goal, then add two specific steps using linking words like “first” and “then.” Keep sentences concise and avoid informal phrasing such as “over there.”

例: After completing my postgraduate training in psychiatry, I plan to work as a psychiatric consultant at a hospital. Then, in the evenings I intend to open my own clinic to see patients privately.

× I work as a doctor at a hospital and my shifts are of 24 hours.

✓ I work as a doctor at a hospital and my shifts are 24 hours long.

The phrase 'shifts are of 24 hours' is unnatural in English. Use the plural noun 'shifts' with 'are' and the adjective phrase '24 hours long' to indicate duration. Suggestion: say 'my shifts are 24 hours long.'

× However, the shifts are for only 8 days a month and alongside when I have free time or off days, I also study.

✓ However, the shifts are only for 8 days a month and, when I have free time or days off, I also study.

Word order and noun phrase 'off days' should be 'days off' in English; 'for only 8 days a month' is correct but 'are for only' is less natural than 'are only for'. Also insert a comma before 'when' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'days off' and 'are only for 8 days a month.'

× I'm studying to prepare for my postgraduate exams.

✓ I am studying to prepare for my postgraduate exams.

Contraction is acceptable in speech, but for formal clarity expand 'I'm' to 'I am'. This is not strictly a grammar error but improves formality and matches tense expectation: present continuous for an ongoing action. Suggestion: use 'I am studying...' in formal responses.

× I work at a hospital in North Delhi, it is Max Hospital, Shalimar Park.

✓ I work at a hospital in North Delhi; it is Max Hospital, Shalimar Park.

The original is a comma splice (run-on sentence). Use a semicolon or separate sentences. Also 'a hospital' is fine; keep article. Suggestion: 'I work at a hospital in North Delhi. It is Max Hospital, Shalimar Park.' or use semicolon.

× It is one of the uh, well known chains in India and I work in the medical oncology department which deals with chemotherapy administration to cancer patients.

✓ It is one of the well-known chains in India, and I work in the medical oncology department, which deals with chemotherapy administration for cancer patients.

Hyphenate 'well-known' when used as a compound adjective. Add commas to set off clauses. Use 'for cancer patients' or 'to treat cancer patients'—'for' is more natural with 'administration'. Suggestion: hyphenate and add commas for readability.

× The infrastructure is good and we have many facilities such as a doctor's lounge where food is available 24/7 and we also have facilities for sleeping and they provide us with toiletries and bedding every day so it is a good place to work.

✓ The infrastructure is good, and we have many facilities such as a doctor's lounge where food is available 24/7. We also have sleeping facilities, and they provide us with toiletries and bedding every day, so it is a good place to work.

Run-on sentence and repetition of 'facilities'. Use 'sleeping facilities' rather than 'facilities for sleeping'. Break into shorter sentences and add commas for clarity. Suggestion: avoid repetition and split long sentences.

× I like the place where I work and in the future if I have to change my job, I would still prefer working at a place like Max Hospital where I work currently because I not only the place, I also enjoy working with my team and I hope to continue working here for as long as I can.

✓ I like the place where I work, and in the future, if I have to change my job, I would still prefer working at a place like Max Hospital where I currently work, because I not only like the place, I also enjoy working with my team and hope to continue here for as long as I can.

Missing verb 'like' after 'I not only'. Reorder 'where I work currently' to 'where I currently work' for natural word order. Add commas to separate clauses. Suggestion: include the missing verb and place adverbs in typical positions.

× In the future, after doing my post graduation in psychiatry, I plan to work as a psychiatric consultant at a hospital and in the evening also open my own clinic and see patients over there.

✓ In the future, after completing my postgraduate training in psychiatry, I plan to work as a psychiatric consultant at a hospital and in the evening also open my own clinic to see patients there.

Use 'completing my postgraduate training' or 'doing my postgraduate training' instead of 'doing my post graduation'. 'Postgraduate' is one word as adjective. 'See patients over there' is informal; use 'see patients there.' Maintain parallel structure with 'plan to work... and... open'. Suggestion: use 'complete my postgraduate training' and 'see patients there'.