Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “I work full-time.”), then give one or two brief supporting details. Avoid repetition and incorrect verb forms (use “I graduated” not “I'm graduated”).

例: I work full-time as a designer. I graduated from university two years ago, and I have been working since my student days to gain experience.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and one specific reason. Use correct article and verb forms (“a graphic designer”), and connect ideas with a linking word like “so” or “therefore.”

例: I work as a freelance graphic designer. I originally trained as an industrial designer, but because I haven't secured industrial projects recently, I take on graphic work to keep earning.

提案: Be specific and correct vocabulary. Start with a direct answer (“Yes, it suits me.”), correct unclear words (“bus” likely meant “bossed around” or “a boss”), and give one reason with a linking phrase (“because”). Avoid long awkward clauses.

例: Yes, it suits me because I prefer working independently. As a freelancer I’m my own boss and I don’t have to report to a manager.

提案: Answer directly and polish phrasing. Use linking words (e.g., “because” or “so”) and avoid filler words. Be specific about benefits and correct phrasing (“I’m not forced to sit at a desk all day”).

例: Yes, I like working from home because it lets me plan my own schedule. For example, I can take breaks when needed and avoid sitting at a desk all day.

提案: State your plan clearly, avoid fillers, and use correct grammar (e.g., “master’s degree”, “the road will be smoother”). Use linking words to show steps (e.g., “first… then…”). Give one or two concrete actions and a brief reason.

例: My goal is to become a creative director. To achieve this, I am applying to master's programs in design so I can gain advanced skills and improve my career prospects.

× I'm graduated from school and I'm working full time but I've I have worked ever since I was a student.

✓ I graduated from school and I have been working full time ever since I was a student.

The original mixes present perfect and incorrect 'I'm graduated' construction. 'Graduate' as a simple past 'I graduated' is correct for a completed action. For ongoing employment from past to present use present perfect continuous 'have been working' rather than 'have worked' to emphasize continuity. Remove the extra 'I've'. Suggestion: Use 'I graduated' for completed past events and 'have been working' to stress continuous action.

× Well, I'm a freelance industrial designer, but I can't get projects related to that, so I just work as an graphic designer.

✓ Well, I'm a freelance industrial designer, but I can't get projects related to that, so I just work as a graphic designer.

The phrase 'an graphic designer' uses the wrong indefinite article. 'Graphic' begins with a consonant sound, so 'a' is correct. Also sentence structure is otherwise acceptable. Suggestion: Choose 'a' before consonant sounds and 'an' before vowel sounds.

× Well, yeah, for me, because I'm not the kind of person that likes to have a bus and this way I'm the boss of my own and I don't have to answer anyone.

✓ Well, yeah, for me, because I'm not the kind of person who likes to have a boss, and this way I'm my own boss and I don't have to answer to anyone.

Multiple errors: 'that' should be 'who' when referring to a person (pronoun issue) and 'have a bus' is a wrong word; context requires 'boss' (spelling). 'the boss of my own' is incorrect word order; use 'my own boss'. Also add 'answer to anyone' to use the correct preposition. Suggestion: Use 'who' for people, correct spelling 'boss', and 'my own boss' for possession; use 'answer to'.

× Well, I work from home and it gives me the freedom to plan my schedule as what I want and I'm not. Like forced to sit on a chair all day long.

✓ Well, I work from home and it gives me the freedom to plan my schedule as I want, and I'm not forced to sit in a chair all day long.

Awkward phrasing 'as what I want' should be 'as I want' or 'how I want'. The fragment 'I'm not. Like forced' is broken; combine and remove filler. Use 'sit in a chair' rather than 'on a chair' for prolonged sitting. Suggestion: Use 'as I want' or 'how I want', avoid sentence fragments and fillers, and use 'sit in a chair' for continuous sitting.

× Well, my goal is to become a creative director and I'm trying to, uh, apply for universities and get accepted to continue my studies and get my masters degrees.

✓ Well, my goal is to become a creative director and I'm trying to apply to universities and get accepted to continue my studies and get my master's degree.

Use 'apply to universities' (preposition correction) rather than 'apply for' when referring to applying to an institution. 'Masters degrees' should be 'master's degree' (possessive and singular if referring to one degree). Also remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: Use 'apply to' for institutions and 'master's degree' for the qualification; if plural, write 'master's degrees'.

× I think that way, umm, the road would be so smoothly.

✓ I think that way, the road would go smoothly.

'So smoothly' is adverb adjective misuse; 'smoothly' modifies 'go' or 'be', so use 'go smoothly' or 'be smooth'. 'The road would be so smoothly' is ungrammatical because 'smoothly' cannot modify 'be' directly here. Remove filler 'umm'. Suggestion: Use 'go smoothly' or 'be smooth' and avoid unnecessary fillers.