Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one short supporting detail about future plans. Use correct tense and eliminate filler words.

例: I am currently a student. Once I finish my studies, I plan to look for a suitable job related to my field, possibly in agriculture or farm management.

提案: Give a direct answer first and then add specific details using linking words. Reduce hesitations and correct grammar (use present simple if you still work there).

例: I work at my family's dairy farm and sometimes from home. At the farm we care for many buffaloes and cows, and I help with feeding and cleaning routines.

提案: Answer directly and then give two concise reasons using linking words (e.g., because, also). Avoid long repetition and fillers. Be specific about what makes it good.

例: Yes, it is. Because the farm is surrounded by gardens and flowers, the atmosphere is peaceful, and there are recreational facilities such as a cricket ground, which help people relax after work.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence then support with specific reasons and smoother linking. Fix grammar (e.g., ‘helps me relax and socialize with coworkers’). Keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy working there because it has good recreational facilities, such as a cricket ground, which help me relax and socialize with my coworkers after shifts.

提案: State your current focus clearly and then outline a brief plan for after exams. Use linking words like ‘at the moment’ and ‘after that’. Avoid repeating ‘right now’.

例: At the moment I am preparing for my arts examinations, so I do not have definite work plans. After the exams, I plan to explore job options in farm management or continue studying related subjects.

× Basically I am a student and when I whenever I completed my education and then I will think about my work.

✓ Basically I am a student and when I complete my education I will think about my work.

The sentence mixes past tense 'completed' with future intention 'will think' and misuses 'whenever'. Use simple present 'complete' for the time clause referring to a future event (when I complete my education) and keep the future in the main clause. Suggestion: use 'when I complete my education I will...' or 'after I complete my education, I will...'.

× Uh, I've, I've worked at my house and, uh, at my dairy farm, We have a lot of buffaloes and cows in our dairy farm and other type of, uh, animals we have.

✓ I've worked at my house and at our dairy farm. We have a lot of buffaloes and cows and other types of animals on the farm.

Run-on and awkward phrasing: sentences should be split and pronouns/possessives made consistent. Use 'our' for the farm if speaking of family farm and 'types of animals' (plural). Also use 'on the farm' rather than repeating 'in our dairy farm'.

× And, uh, I worked in my, at my dairy farm.

✓ And I have worked at my dairy farm.

Inconsistent tense with previous statement 'I've worked'. Use present perfect 'have worked' to connect past experience to the present. Also use 'at my dairy farm' without extra words. Avoid redundant prepositions.

× Yes, definitely. I like the place where I work, there is a lot of facilities like cricket playground and uh, recreational facilities.

✓ Yes, definitely. I like the place where I work; there are a lot of facilities like a cricket ground and recreational areas.

Use 'there are' (plural) for 'a lot of facilities' and 'a cricket ground' or 'a cricket playground' requires article. 'Recreational areas' is a clearer plural noun. Also replace comma splice with proper punctuation.

× Uh, that helps to me relax and both with coworkers and after works.

✓ That helps me relax and spend time with coworkers after work.

Incorrect pronoun 'to me' should be 'me' after 'helps'. 'Both with coworkers and after works' is unclear; rephrase to 'spend time with coworkers after work'. 'Work' is uncountable here, so 'after work' is correct.

× Right now I don't have any future plan about my work and basically I'm doing about my arts examination preparation right now.

✓ Right now I don't have any plans about my work and I am preparing for my arts examinations.

Use plural 'plans' and avoid redundant 'right now'. 'Doing about my arts examination preparation' is ungrammatical; use 'preparing for my arts examinations'. Maintain present continuous for ongoing action.

× So after that I will think about my work in future.

✓ So after that I will think about my future work.

'In future' is non-native; use 'in the future' or rephrase 'my future work'. 'I will think about my future work' is concise and fits the future tense context.