Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 文法と発音の誤りを直し、簡潔なトピック文と補足情報を明確に分ける練習をしてください。例えば不定冠詞（"an IT consultant"）や時制・語順（"I really work hard" の位置）を正しく使い、情報を一つのまとまりにまとめると自然になります。

例: I work as an IT consultant. After graduating from university, I moved to Tokyo and have been working hard to build my career.

提案: 場所の説明での語順と繰り返しを避け、時間の表現を自然にしましょう。"where where"のような重複を避け、方角や所要時間は簡潔に述べる練習をしてください。

例: I work in Hachioji, which is located in the far western part of Tokyo. It takes about an hour and a half to commute from my home.

提案: 意見を述べるときはトピック文で結論を示し、その後に理由を2つ程度、接続詞でつなげてください。地名の発音やスペル（"Hachioji"）を正確にし、冗長な表現を簡潔に直しましょう。

例: Yes and no. On the positive side, Hachioji is relatively rural so the trains are not crowded, making commuting pleasant. On the negative side, it is quite far from central Tokyo, so visiting the city takes longer.

提案: 肯定の立場を最初に示し、"although" と "but" を同時に使わないようにしてください。理由は具体的に一文ずつで述べ、語彙（"convenience stores" → "convenient stores" は不自然）や複数形に注意しましょう。

例: Yes, I do. Although Hachioji is somewhat rural, commuting is easy and our office is well-equipped. There are also several convenience stores nearby, which is very convenient.

提案: 将来計画はまず簡潔なトピック文で述べ、その後現在の行動を理由として説明してください。語法（"working overseas" や "abroad" を使う）と冗長な表現を避け、自然な副詞の位置を確認しましょう。

例: My future plan is to work overseas. So right now I am working hard and studying English intensively to prepare for international opportunities.

× I work as a IT consultant.

✓ I work as an IT consultant.

Use 'an' before a vowel sound. 'IT' begins with a vowel sound 'eye', so the correct article is 'an'. Suggestion: Use 'a' before consonant sounds and 'an' before vowel sounds.

× After graduating university, I moved to Tokyo and I really work hard.

✓ After graduating from university, I moved to Tokyo and I really worked hard.

The first part needs the preposition 'from' after 'graduating'. The actions refer to the past (moved), so 'work' should be in past tense 'worked'. Suggestion: Use 'graduated from university' and keep consistent past tense for past events.

× I work in Hachioji where where is located in the very West side of Tokyo.

✓ I work in Hachioji, which is located on the western side of Tokyo.

Use 'which' to introduce a relative clause, not 'where where'. Use 'on the western side' rather than 'in the very West side'. Also use 'western' adjective and 'on' for sides of areas. Suggestion: Use 'which is located on the western side of Tokyo'.

× It takes one and half hours from my home.

✓ It takes one and a half hours from my home.

Standard expression is 'one and a half hours' with the article 'a'. Also you might say 'It takes an hour and a half to get to work from my home.' for clarity. Suggestion: Use 'one and a half hours' or rephrase to 'an hour and a half'.

× I can say yes and no because Hachi OG is kind of rural area therefore commuting there is easy because not crowded in trains.

✓ I can say both yes and no because Hachioji is a kind of rural area; therefore commuting there is easy because the trains are not crowded.

Need 'both' with 'yes and no' for clarity. 'Hachioji' spelling consistent and needs article 'a kind of rural area'. Use semicolon or conjunction to join clauses. 'Trains are not crowded' requires subject and verb. Suggestion: Break into clearer sentences: 'Hachioji is somewhat rural, so commuting is easy because the trains are not crowded.'.

× On the other hand to go to city with so very far.

✓ On the other hand, going to the city is quite far.

Original lacks proper verb structure. Use gerund 'going' or full clause 'it is'. 'Quite far' is natural; 'so very far' is informal and awkward here. Suggestion: 'On the other hand, going to the city is quite far.' or 'On the other hand, the city is quite far.'.

× Yes, I do, although Hachioji is a little rural but commuting is easy and the office equipment is quite nice.

✓ Yes, I do. Although Hachioji is a little rural, commuting is easy and the office equipment is quite nice.

Avoid using 'although' together with 'but'—they are redundant. Use punctuation to separate ideas. Also split into two sentences for clarity. Suggestion: Use either 'Although...' at sentence start or '... but ...' within a sentence, not both.

× There is convenience stores.

✓ There are convenience stores.

Subject-verb agreement and article: 'stores' is plural so use 'there are'. If singular, say 'There is a convenience store.' Suggestion: Match 'there is/are' to singular/plural noun.

× My future work plan is working in overseas, so right now I. Work hard and I am working hard and studying English very hard.

✓ My future work plan is to work overseas, so right now I am working hard and studying English very hard.

Use infinitive 'to work' after 'plan is'. Use 'overseas' without 'in'. Remove the stray period and combine verbs correctly: 'I am working hard'. Keep present continuous for current ongoing actions. Suggestion: 'My future plan is to work overseas, so right now I am working hard and studying English.'.