Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise: start with a clear topic sentence stating your status, then give one or two specific details. Reduce repetition and correct key vocabulary (e.g. 'home support worker' or 'care worker', 'elderly people'). Use linking words only if adding more detail.

例: I work as a home care worker. I look after two elderly people, helping them with daily tasks like cooking and personal care.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence naming the workplace, then add one or two specific responsibilities and a short comment about the employer. Avoid repeating phrases and use correct prepositions (e.g. 'in someone's home', 'provide personal care to her').

例: I work in a client’s home, where I provide personal care such as bathing and medication reminders. My client is very polite and easy to get along with.

提案: Start with a clear opinion, then give two specific reasons connected with linking words (e.g. 'because', 'and'). Correct grammar (e.g. 'it gives me emotional satisfaction' and 'it helps me stay fit'). Avoid filler words and shorten sentences to meet the 5-sentence guideline.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because it gives me emotional satisfaction and I feel appreciated. Also, it teaches me new skills in caregiving and helps me stay physically active.

提案: Give a direct answer followed by two clear, specific reasons using linking words (e.g. 'because', 'also'). Replace vague phrasing ('enhance every day') with concrete examples of what you learn or improve.

例: Yes, I like my workplace because it is peaceful and the atmosphere is calm. I also learn something new every day, such as better communication and practical care techniques.

提案: Start with a clear plan statement, then briefly explain the steps you are taking and a realistic timeline. Correct terminology (e.g. 'registered nurse' or 'RN') and avoid unclear phrases ('preparation for our'). Use linking words like 'so' or 'therefore' to show progression.

例: I plan to continue in the same field and train to become a registered nurse. At the moment I am preparing for the nursing entrance exams and gaining more experience, so I hope to qualify as an RN in the next few years.

× As I do work and I do work as a home sport worker and I have two older people.

✓ I work as a home support worker and I care for two older people.

The original uses unnecessary auxiliary 'do' and incorrect pronoun/word 'sport' instead of 'support'. Use simple present for habitual actions: 'I work' and 'I care for'. Also replace 'have' with 'care for' to clarify relationship.

× I do work in someone home and I do personal care to her and she's very polite and nice.

✓ I work in someone's home and I provide personal care to her; she is very polite and nice.

Use possessive form 'someone's home' and use simple present 'I work' not 'I do work'. 'Provide personal care to her' is more natural than 'do personal care to her'. Replace contraction 'she's' with 'she is' for clarity in formal speech.

× Definitely this place is very good for work and it's give it.

✓ Definitely, this place is very good to work at and it gives me emotional satisfaction.

Use the preposition 'to work at' or 'for working' instead of 'for work'. Remove 'it's give it' and replace with correct verb 'it gives'. Include comma after 'Definitely' for natural pause.

× It gives me emotional satisfaction and I'm learning so many things in this work, even I I'm fit.

✓ It gives me emotional satisfaction and I'm learning many things from this work; it also keeps me fit.

Avoid 'so many' with uncountable 'things' — 'many' is fine though 'many things' is acceptable. Remove redundant 'I' and repeated contraction 'I'm'. Clarify 'fit' by saying 'keeps me fit'.

× Yes, I do like this place where I do work because this uh, because this place is very peaceful and there's so many things that I enhance every day.

✓ Yes, I like the place where I work because it is very peaceful and I improve many skills every day.

Remove unnecessary 'do' auxiliary in positive statements: say 'I like' and 'I work'. Use 'it is' instead of 'this place is'. 'There's so many things that I enhance' is ungrammatical; say 'I improve many skills' or 'I learn many things'.

× Well my future work plan continue with same field and in my future now I'm doing preparation for our and so in my future I will become RN hopefully.

✓ My future plan is to continue in the same field. I am currently preparing for the required exams and I hope to become a registered nurse in the future.

Original sentence has run-on structure and missing verbs and articles. Use 'My future plan is to...' for clarity, 'continue in the same field' for natural phrasing, 'preparing for the required exams' instead of 'preparation for our', and expand RN to 'registered nurse' in formal speech. Add 'I hope' to express intention politely.