Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence ("I work as..."), avoid hesitation sounds, and combine related roles smoothly. Use plural/singular and tense correctly ("They sell baby milk"). Keep it to 1–2 sentences and remove fillers.

例: I work as a veterinarian at a veterinary hospital, and I also work part-time as a medical representative for a company called Evola, which sells baby milk products.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the workplace, then add one or two specific details using linking words (e.g. "There, I..." or "For example,..."). Reduce hesitations and grammatical errors ("Aden Square," "some cases come to the hospital," "I perform surgery and physical treatment").

例: I work at a veterinary hospital located on Aden Square. There I treat different cases; for example, I perform surgeries and provide physical therapy for injured animals.

提案: Answer directly then support with specific reasons using linking words ("because," "for example"). Avoid repetition and filler words. Use correct plural forms and parallel structure ("sheep, goats, and cows, as well as small pets like dogs and cats").

例: Yes, it's a great place to work because we handle a wide variety of animals. For example, we treat livestock such as sheep, goats, and cows, as well as small pets like dogs and cats.

提案: Start with a clear opinion ("Yes, I like working there") and give two concise, specific reasons linked with connectors ("because," "also"). Fix grammar ("people are kind") and avoid repeated fillers. Be precise about features ("easy to reach because there is little traffic").

例: Yes, I like working there because the hospital is pleasant and easy to reach. Also, there is little traffic on the way, and the staff and clients are very kind.

提案: Give a clear, forward-looking topic sentence ("In the future, I plan to...") and use specific goals with linking words. Correct vocabulary ("PhD," "improve my skills," "upgrade my clinic" rather than "apartment") and remove filler words. Explain briefly how each plan will affect your work.

例: In the future, I plan to study for a PhD to improve my professional skills. Then I want to upgrade my clinic so we can offer more surgeries and better physical rehabilitation for animals.

× Yes, I work in veterinary hospital as a veterinarian and also I work as medical representative in company called Evola.

✓ Yes, I work in a veterinary hospital as a veterinarian and I also work as a medical representative for a company called Evola.

Pronoun/determiner missing and preposition misuse: 'in veterinary hospital' needs the article 'a' before a singular count noun. 'as medical representative in company called' is unnatural; use 'as a medical representative for a company called' to show employment relationship and include the article 'a'. Improve by remembering to use articles with singular countable nouns and 'for' to indicate working for an organization.

× They, uh, sold. Baby milk.

✓ They, uh, sell baby milk.

Article and verb tense issue: The fragmented sentence 'They, uh, sold. Baby milk.' is incorrect. If describing the company's product generally, use present simple 'sell' and keep 'baby milk' as a noun phrase without an initial capital letter or extra period. Use present tense for habitual or general facts.

× I do work in veterinary hospital, uh, it's located on the Aden square.

✓ I work in a veterinary hospital; it's located on Aden Square.

Singular/plural and article errors: 'in veterinary hospital' needs 'a'. 'the Aden square' should be 'Aden Square' as a proper noun with no 'the' typically. Use consistent capitalization for place names. Also remove the unnecessary emphatic 'do' unless for emphasis.

× Uh, some cases are, uh, come to hospital and I do some, uh, surgery, also physical, uh, treatment.

✓ We receive some cases at the hospital, and I perform surgeries and provide physical treatments.

Awkward structure and verb choice: 'some cases are come to hospital' is ungrammatical; use 'we receive cases at the hospital.' 'I do some surgery' is informal; prefer 'I perform surgeries.' 'physical treatment' should be 'physical treatments' or 'physiotherapy' depending on meaning. Use active voice and pluralize where appropriate.

× Yes, it is very good a place, uh, we work on different cases or on different animals, uh, like uh, sheep, uh goat and uh cow and also small pet, uh, small animal pets like dog and cat.

✓ Yes, it is a very good place. We work on different cases and different animals, such as sheep, goats, cows, and small pets like dogs and cats.

Article and pluralization errors: 'very good a place' is incorrect word order; use 'a very good place.' 'sheep' can be singular or plural but listing with others requires consistent plural forms: use 'goats' and 'cows.' 'small pet, small animal pets' is redundant; simplify to 'small pets like dogs and cats.' Use commas to separate list items.

× Yes, I think, uh, the veterinary hospital is a very good place, uh, beautiful, uh, simple and uh, easy to reach. There is no traffic, uh, uh, in the way, uh, or on the path to reach the hospital and the people is kind.

✓ Yes, I think the veterinary hospital is a very good place: it's beautiful, simple, and easy to reach. There is no traffic on the way to the hospital, and the people are kind.

Pronoun/verb agreement and article use: 'the people is kind' has subject-verb agreement error; use 'people are kind.' Remove redundant 'the' before 'way' and streamline phrasing. Use contractions or punctuation to improve flow.

× In my in in the future, I would uh, study PhD and improve my working skills to improve uh, my hospital and uh, develop my apartment to do some surgery and uh, physical exam.

✓ In the future, I would like to study for a PhD and improve my professional skills to develop my hospital and equip my clinic to perform surgeries and physical examinations.

Tense and word choice problems: 'study PhD' should be 'study for a PhD' or 'pursue a PhD.' 'Improve my working skills' is awkward; use 'improve my professional skills.' 'Develop my apartment to do some surgery' is incorrect: likely means 'equip my clinic' or 'develop my hospital facilities.' 'physical exam' should be 'physical examinations.' Use 'would like to' for polite future intention and parallel structures for clarity.