Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your response directly answers the question and gives useful background, but it is a bit long and contains minor grammatical issues and redundancy (e.g., "I've worked since 2016" and "I've been working as an optician" convey the same idea twice). To improve, make a clear topic sentence, follow with one or two specific supporting details, and avoid repetition. Also correct small grammar points ("I have a lot to say" → "I have a lot of responsibility" or "I have a lot to do").

例: I have been working as an optician since I graduated from optometry school in 2016. I work in Lund and enjoy my job because I can make decisions about patient care and influence my daily schedule.

提案: Good identification of the workplace and a relevant short anecdote. However, avoid informal idioms like "the grass wasn't greener" in an exam and correct article usage ("an optician" not "a optician"). Keep sentences concise and use linking words for chronology (e.g., "before" or "after").

例: I work at Augmention, an optician and doctor's clinic in Lund, and I have worked there since 2016. I spent one year on an exchange at another clinic, but after that I returned because I preferred my original workplace.

提案: You answer clearly and give several reasons, which is positive. Improve grammatical accuracy ("practically my own boss"; "change my schedule"; "book unbooked people" → "schedule walk-in patients" or "accept unscheduled patients"). Use linking words to list reasons (e.g., "because", "and"), and limit to three concise points to avoid overlong answers.

例: Yes, it is. I am practically my own boss, so I can change my schedule as needed. Because I can accept walk-in patients and attend new professional courses, I have many opportunities to develop my skills.

提案: The answer expresses opinion and gives a specific reason and a suggestion for improvement, which is good. Edit for natural phrasing and concision ("I really like my workplace"; avoid repeating "more"). Use conditional form correctly ("if we moved to a smaller boutique, we could invest in better equipment").

例: Yes, I really like my workplace. However, because rent is very high, if we moved to a smaller boutique we could reduce costs and invest in better equipment to help the business grow.

提案: You state clear ambitions and a reason, which is good. Make the answer more concise and varied in vocabulary (avoid repeating "I want to"). Add a specific plan or step (e.g., taking courses, gaining experience) to show feasibility. Use linking words for cohesion (e.g., "because", "and").

例: In the future, I would like to work as an optician in Edinburgh because I fell in love with the city. To achieve that, I plan to take advanced training courses and gain more clinical experience so I can move and work there.

× So I've worked since 2016 when I graduated from optometry school so I've been working as an optician.

✓ So I've worked since 2016, when I graduated from optometry school, and I've been working as an optician.

The original sentence had run-on coordination with repeated 'so' creating awkward flow. Use a comma and 'and' to connect the clauses. Also add a comma after the time clause 'when I graduated from optometry school' for clarity. This preserves the present perfect and present perfect continuous meanings correctly.

× I work at the Augmention, which is a optician slash doctor's clinic in Lund, and I've worked there since 2016.

✓ I work at the Augmention, which is an optician's/doctor's clinic in Lund, and I've worked there since 2016.

Use 'an' before a vowel sound and possessive form 'optician's' to indicate a clinic run by or for opticians. 'Doctor's clinic' is more natural as 'doctor's' (possessive). Alternatively use 'an optician and doctor's clinic' but possessive forms are clearer.

× I took a brief exchange for one year and worked at the other place before I came back.

✓ I took a brief exchange for one year and worked at another place before I came back.

'The other place' implies a specific contrasting place already mentioned; 'another place' fits when introducing an unspecified different location. This makes the sentence more natural and grammatically correct.

× The grass wasn't greener.

✓ But the grass wasn't greener.

The original fragment is grammatically acceptable but feels abrupt in context. Adding 'But' signals a contrast with the previous clause and improves coherence.

× I am my own boss practically and I can change my scheme as I want to.

✓ I am practically my own boss, and I can change my schedule as I want to.

'Practically' modifies 'my own boss' so its position is adjusted. 'Scheme' is incorrect in this context; 'schedule' is the correct noun for working hours. This preserves meaning and corrects word choice.

× I can book an unbooked people that I want to, I can change the location, I can go to new courses and I can really grow.

✓ I can book unbooked people I want to see, change the location, attend new courses, and really grow.

'An unbooked people' is ungrammatical: 'people' is plural and cannot take 'an' and 'unbooked' needs clearer phrasing. 'Book unbooked people I want to see' or 'book appointments with clients who aren't scheduled' is clearer. Also use parallel verb forms: 'change', 'attend'.

× Yes, I do really like my place where I work.

✓ Yes, I really like the place where I work.

'Do' is unnecessary for emphasis here; remove it for natural speech. 'My place where I work' is redundant; 'the place where I work' is clearer.

× I wish that maybe we could move into a smaller place because the rent is really, really high and I think that if we would move to a smaller boutique, then we could invest in even more instruments and grow even more.

✓ I wish we could move into a smaller place because the rent is really high, and I think that if we moved to a smaller boutique, we could invest in more instruments and grow further.

Use of 'that maybe' is awkward; remove 'maybe' when already expressing 'wish'. Conditional 'if we would move' is incorrect in the hypothetical past/future-in-past clause — use past tense 'if we moved' for second conditional. Reduce repetition ('really, really', 'even more') for conciseness.

× So in the future I would love to be working as an optician in Edinburgh because I fell in love with the city when I was there.

✓ In the future, I would love to work as an optician in Edinburgh because I fell in love with the city when I was there.

'Would love to be working' is not wrong but 'would love to work' is more natural when stating a desire for a future job. Keep past tense 'fell' for the past event.

× And I also want to grow. I want to know more and I want to learn more. I want to evolve, evolve as an optician.

✓ I also want to grow; I want to know more and learn more. I want to evolve as an optician.

Repetition is acceptable in speech but for polished grammar remove redundant words and duplicate 'evolve'. Use parallel verb forms 'know more and learn more' without repeated 'I want to' where possible for conciseness.