Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the response more grammatically correct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “an optician,” “what I enjoy about my work is…”). Avoid emotional metaphors that sound unnatural; instead describe the reaction succinctly.

例: I'm currently working as an optician and have done so for the past ten years. What I enjoy most about my job is helping people restore their vision, for example when a patient puts on their first pair of glasses and smiles with relief, which is very rewarding.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence then add concise, specific details. Use correct plural and article forms (e.g., “a family-owned clinic,” “two colleagues who are optician assistants”) and avoid redundancy. Use a linking phrase to connect the description with why you like it.

例: I work in Lund, Sweden at a small family-owned clinic. There are four of us: the optometrist, two optician assistants, and myself, and because we work closely together we feel like a family, which makes it pleasant and efficient when treating a wide variety of patients.

提案: Avoid informal or vague phrases like “till the Max” and ensure vocabulary is natural. Give one clear reason supported by a specific example. Keep it within 3–4 sentences and use linking words like “because” or “so” for coherence.

例: Yes, it is a very good place to work because we have a supportive atmosphere and strong teamwork. For example, colleagues regularly cover for each other during busy periods, which helps us give patients better care and makes the workplace more enjoyable.

提案: Answer directly and then explain one specific change with reasons and a linking phrase. Use more formal phrasing (avoid “Yeah”) and be concise—focus on the key point (rent is high; smaller premises would free funds for equipment).

例: Yes, I like my workplace, but I would prefer if we moved to a smaller premises to reduce rent costs. That way we could invest the savings in better equipment and training, which would benefit both staff and patients.

提案: Organize into a clear plan: state your goal, then list steps with linking words (first, then). Correct collocations (take an English language test, apply to the GOC) and avoid vague phrases like “hopefully everything will go smooth and perfect.” Be specific about the timeline or next actions if possible.

例: My goal is to work in Scotland. First, I'm preparing for an English language test, then I will apply to the General Optical Council, and finally I will start looking for jobs in Edinburgh or Glasgow once my registration is approved.

× I'm currently working as optician and have been working for the last 10 years.

✓ I'm currently working as an optician and have been working for the last 10 years.

Missing definite/indefinite article before a singular countable noun. 'Optician' is a singular countable noun and requires an article; use 'an' before a vowel sound. Suggestion: use 'an optician' or 'the optician' depending on context.

× But I enjoy about my work is that I can help people restore the vision.

✓ But what I enjoy about my work is that I can help people restore their vision.

Incorrect or missing phrase structure and wrong/missing pronoun. Use 'what I enjoy about my work' to introduce the clause and possessive pronoun 'their' to refer to people. Also omit 'the' before 'vision'.

× The feeling when the person put their first glasses on and seeing their happy reaction makes me melt.

✓ The feeling when a person puts their first glasses on and sees their happy reaction melts me.

Mixed verb forms and incorrect tense/subject-verb agreement. 'Put' should be 'puts' for third-person singular; 'seeing' should be 'sees' to maintain parallel structure. Also 'the person' is better as 'a person' in general statements. Suggest: use consistent present simple for habitual or general truths.

× I work in Lund in Sweden in a family owned clinic.

✓ I work in Lund in Sweden in a family-owned clinic.

Missing hyphen for a compound adjective 'family-owned'. No definite article error per se but compound adjective punctuation improves clarity. Keep prepositions 'in Lund in Sweden' is acceptable. Suggest hyphenate compound adjectives before a noun.

× It's me, my boss who's the doctor there and then my 2 colleagues who are optician assistant.

✓ It's me, my boss who is the doctor there, and then my two colleagues who are optician assistants.

Pronoun and number agreement issues and punctuation. Use 'who is' instead of contraction for clarity in speech transcript, spell out 'two' in formal writing, and pluralize 'assistant' to 'assistants' to agree with plural 'colleagues'.

× What I really like about my job is that we feel like a family, we enjoy being together and we see a very variety of patients coming through.

✓ What I really like about my job is that we feel like a family; we enjoy being together, and we see a wide variety of patients coming through.

'Very variety' is ungrammatical; use 'a wide variety' or 'a great variety'. Also punctuation improvements and consistent parallel structure.

× Yes, it really is a good place to work, mostly because we have such a good atmosphere at work.

✓ Yes, it really is a good place to work, mostly because we have such a good atmosphere at work.

Sentence is acceptable grammatically; minor stylistic repetition 'at work' could be omitted. No change necessary. (Included for completeness.)

× We trust each other and we help each other till the Max.

✓ We trust each other and we help each other to the max.

Incorrect phrase 'till the Max' — use idiomatic expression 'to the max' meaning to the greatest extent. 'Max' should not be capitalized.

× We have a great variety of patients coming through and everyone of us feels great when we can help someone else.

✓ We have a great variety of patients coming through, and every one of us feels great when we can help someone else.

Use 'every one' rather than 'everyone' when referring to each individual among a group in this context; both can be correct but 'every one of us' emphasizes each member. Added comma for clarity.

× Yes, I do like the place where I work, Yeah.

✓ Yes, I do like the place where I work.

'Yeah' is informal and extraneous; grammatically the sentence is fine. Removed filler for clarity. Modal 'do' is acceptable for emphasis.

× But one thing that would change is downsizing to a smaller place so we can keep the rent lower because at the moment the rent is really high and we are losing money on something that could be invested in instruments or something that could benefit us as workers or the patients.

✓ But one change I would make is downsizing to a smaller place so we can keep the rent lower, because at the moment the rent is really high and we are losing money on something that could be invested in instruments or other things that would benefit us as workers or the patients.

Awkward structure and mixed subjects. Rephrase to 'one change I would make' and adjust 'something' to 'other things' and 'would' for conditional clarity. Improve parallelism and word choice.

× I hope to be able to work in Scotland.

✓ I hope to be able to work in Scotland.

Sentence is grammatically correct and fits the future intent. No change needed.

× I'm currently trying to take a grammar test in English, then apply for GOC and hopefully everything will go smooth and perfect and then I can look for maybe jobs in Edinburgh or Glasgow or something nearby.

✓ I'm currently preparing to take an English grammar test, then apply for GOC, and hopefully everything will go smoothly and perfectly, and then I can look for jobs in Edinburgh, Glasgow, or nearby.

Multiple issues: 'trying to take' is awkward—use 'preparing to take' or 'studying for'; 'grammar test in English' better as 'English grammar test'; 'go smooth' should be 'go smoothly' (adverb); 'perfect' as adverb 'perfectly' if modifying 'go'; 'maybe jobs' awkward—just 'jobs'; added commas for clarity and parallelism. Also maintain consistent verb forms and adverb usage.