Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: คำตอบตรงประเด็น แต่ควรสั้นและเป็นธรรมชาติมากขึ้น หลีกเลี่ยงซ้ำ เช่น ‘I enjoy my job’ ซ้ำหลายครั้ง และเพิ่มรายละเอียดเฉพาะเจาะจง (ตัวอย่างงานหรือบทบาท) โดยไม่เกิน 5 ประโยค ใช้ประโยคเริ่มหัวข้อแล้วตามด้วยเหตุผลหรือรายละเอียดสั้น ๆ

例: I work as a police officer and have been in the role for about ten years. I mainly handle investigations and community patrols, which allows me to help people directly. Because of this, I find my work very rewarding and meaningful.

提案: คำตอบให้ข้อมูลสถานที่แต่ประโยคที่สองมีความหมายไม่ชัดเจนและมีข้อผิดพลาดไวยากรณ์ ควรแก้ประโยคที่คลุมเครือ เลือกใช้คำที่ถูกต้องและให้รายละเอียดชัดเจนเกี่ยวกับหน้าที่หรือบรรยากาศการทำงาน โดยใช้ linking word ถ้าจำเป็น

例: I work at the Anti-Trafficking in Persons Division, which is part of the Central Investigation Bureau. The office is professional and often high-pressure because we handle serious and urgent cases regularly.

提案: คำตอบให้เหตุผลแต่มีโครงสร้างประโยคที่ล้มเหลวและคำซ้ำ ควรใช้ประโยคหัวข้อแล้วตามด้วย 1–2 เหตุผลชัดเจน โดยใช้ linking words เช่น 'because' หรือ 'and' และหลีกเลี่ยงการขาดคำหรือการเรียงคำผิด

例: Yes, I think it is a great place to work because the environment is very supportive and my colleagues are highly professional. We rely on teamwork to investigate and solve complex human trafficking cases.

提案: คำตอบบอกความชอบชัดเจน แต่มีความซ้ำซ้อนและบางประโยคมีคำผิด (เช่น 'at a team', 'handing') ควรรวบรัดให้เป็น 2–3 ประโยค ใช้คำที่ถูกต้องและเพิ่มตัวอย่างสั้น ๆ เพื่อทำให้คำตอบน่าเชื่อถือขึ้น

例: Yes, I enjoy working there because the environment is supportive and we have strong teamwork. This cooperation is essential when we handle serious cases, and the office’s central location makes coordination with other agencies easier.

提案: คำตอบมีเป้าหมายชัดเจน แต่ควรแก้คำศัพท์ผิด (เช่น 'causes' ควรเป็น 'cases') และเชื่อมความคิดให้ราบรื่นขึ้น ใช้ประโยคหัวข้อแล้วตามด้วยแผนปฏิบัติการสั้น ๆ (เช่น เรียนภาษา / ฝึกงาน) เพื่อแสดงรายละเอียดและความเป็นไปได้

例: I plan to advance my career within the Central Investigation Bureau by becoming a specialist in cross-border investigations. To prepare, I am improving my English and seeking training in international cooperation so I can handle multinational cases more effectively.

× The environment at my office is very professional and high pressure as video with serious liquor metal on a daily basis.

✓ The environment at my office is very professional and high-pressure as we deal with serious criminal cases on a daily basis.

The original sentence contains word choice and sentence structure errors: 'video with serious liquor metal' is meaningless and likely a mis-translation; 'high pressure' should be hyphenated as a compound adjective before a noun (high-pressure). Replace the unclear phrase with 'we deal with serious criminal cases' to convey the intended meaning. Use 'on a daily basis' at the end for natural word order. Suggestion: simplify and use clear verbs like 'deal with' and correct compound adjectives.

× Yes, I believe it is a great place to work for several reasons, such as the environment at the HPD is very supportive, my colleagues are, and I rely heavily on teamwork to solve complex human trafficking cases.

✓ Yes, I believe it is a great place to work for several reasons: the environment at the HPD is very supportive, my colleagues are helpful, and I rely heavily on teamwork to solve complex human trafficking cases.

The original sentence has punctuation and parallelism issues. Use a colon or separate clause to introduce the list. Ensure parallel structure in list items ('the environment... is', 'my colleagues are', 'I rely...') by completing the second item ('my colleagues are helpful'). Also replace the comma before 'and' with proper separation. Suggestion: keep list items parallel and complete.

× Yes, I really enjoy working there. The work environment at my office is very supportive. We work closely at a team which is essential for handing serious cases.

✓ Yes, I really enjoy working there. The work environment at my office is very supportive. We work closely as a team, which is essential for handling serious cases.

Use 'as a team' not 'at a team' to express collaboration. 'Handing' is a typo for 'handling' (correct gerund). Add a comma before the relative clause for clarity. Suggestion: use common collocations: 'work as a team' and 'handling cases'.

× The office is well located in the city.

✓ The office is well located in the city center.

'Well located in the city' is understandable but slightly awkward. Native phrasing uses 'well located' with a specific place, e.g., 'in the city center' or 'in the city.' Adding 'center' makes it more natural. Alternatively: 'The office is well located in the city.' is acceptable but less precise. Suggestion: add a noun after 'city' for naturalness.

× I plan to further my career within the Shenzhen Investigation Bureau.

✓ I plan to further my career at the Shenzhen Investigation Bureau.

Both 'within' and 'at' can be used, but 'at the Shenzhen Investigation Bureau' is more natural when referring to working for an organization. 'Within' is not incorrect but can sound formal; changing to 'at' improves naturalness. Suggestion: use 'at' for workplace locations.

× I am currently improving my English skills to achieve this goal.

✓ I am currently improving my English skills to achieve this goal.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It uses present continuous to describe an ongoing action. No change needed. Suggestion: keep as is.

× As I want to work more effectively on international causes, I want to become a specialist.

✓ Because I want to work more effectively on international cases, I want to become a specialist.

'As' can mean 'because' but may be ambiguous; using 'because' clarifies cause. 'Causes' is likely a wrong word choice for 'cases' (human trafficking cases). Replace with 'cases' to convey the intended meaning. Suggestion: use 'because' for clarity and choose correct noun 'cases'.