Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Give a concise topic sentence, correct grammar and use specific details. Avoid repetition and aim for 2–3 sentences. For example, correct articles, plural forms and collocations (e.g., “one of the top schools”, “strong exam preparation”, “science laboratories”). Also add a brief linking phrase to explain why these features matter to you.

例: I am a student at Indian High School, which is one of the top schools in Hanoi. I chose it because it has strong exam preparation and excellent science laboratories, so I can get good academic support and practical experience.

提案: Answer directly with a clear topic sentence about the kind of workplace you want. Use correct vocabulary (avoid informal contractions like “wanna”) and fix unclear words (“no acumen” is not appropriate). Be specific about qualities you value and use linking words to connect ideas. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I would like to work in a lively, supportive workplace. I prefer colleagues who are kind and always willing to help me when I need assistance, because that environment helps me learn faster and feel confident.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence and then support it with specific reasons. Improve grammar (use singular/plural correctly) and use linking words like “because” or “for example.” Be concise and avoid repeating words. Provide one or two concrete benefits of the workplace.

例: Yes, it is a good place to work because an active environment improves productivity. For example, when colleagues help each other and communicate easily, projects finish faster and everyone learns new skills.

提案: Clarify your meaning (unknown word “travert”) and answer directly whether you would like the workplace. Use correct vocabulary (e.g., “I’m a traveler” or “I’m interested in IT”) and give a short reason with one linking word. Be specific about what attracts you to IT workplaces (collaboration, innovation, flexible hours).

例: Yes, I would like to work in an IT company because I enjoy collaborating with others and learning new technologies. The fast-paced, innovative culture motivates me and allows frequent teamwork.

提案: State your career plan clearly (use correct job title vocabulary, e.g., “music producer” or “sound engineer”), then give 1–2 concrete reasons and link them logically. Fix grammar (singular/plural, verb forms) and avoid vague phrases like “we choose my interest.” Mention specific activities you expect in the role to show understanding.

例: I plan to become a music producer because it is a creative career with good earning potential. As a producer I would collaborate with artists and use music technology, which would help me build industry contacts and develop my creative skills.

× I am a student at Indian High School which is one of the top school in Hanoi.

✓ I am a student at the Indian High School, which is one of the top schools in Hanoi.

Missing definite article 'the' before institution name and plural 'schools'. Use 'the' with specific school name and pluralize 'school' because 'one of the top' refers to many schools. Also add comma before 'which'. Suggestion: Use 'the' before known institutions and match plural when saying 'one of the top schools'.

× I chose it because it has strong exam research and the good science facilities.

✓ I chose it because it has strong exam preparation and good science facilities.

Subject-verb agreement is okay but word choice is incorrect: 'exam research' is unnatural; 'exam preparation' or 'research for exams' fits. Also 'the good science facilities' should be 'good science facilities' without 'the'. Suggest replacing awkward noun and removing unnecessary article.

× I wanna work in an atmosphere which is active and no acumen because I I really love who are kind and away willing when I need help.

✓ I want to work in an atmosphere that is active and not cutthroat, because I really like people who are kind and always willing to help when I need it.

Multiple problems: 'wanna' is informal and should be 'want to'; 'which' -> 'that' for defining clause; 'no acumen' is incorrect meaning—likely 'not cutthroat' or 'not competitive'; double 'I'; 'who are kind and away willing' should be 'people who are kind and always willing'; missing object 'help when I need it'. Use present simple 'want' for general preference. Suggest practice replacing informal forms and unclear words with common expressions.

× In an active environment, we have good productivity and the kind people who are always willing to help each other, and I think that it is really good if we can connect to each other easily.

✓ In an active environment, we have high productivity and kind people who are always willing to help each other, and I think it is really good if we can connect with each other easily.

Article 'the' before 'kind people' is unnecessary; 'good productivity' is better as 'high productivity'; 'connect to each other' -> 'connect with each other'. Maintain present simple. Suggest using collocations ('high productivity', 'connect with').

× I'm a travert so the IT place where I love can be the place I really like because we can connect with each other easily and the way we motivate.

✓ I'm a traveller, so an IT workplace would be a place I really like because we can connect with each other easily and motivate each other.

'Travert' misspelling of 'traveller'; 'the IT place where I love' is ungrammatical—use 'an IT workplace' or 'working in IT'; tense/modal: 'would be' fits hypothetical preference. 'the way we motivate' incomplete; change to 'motivate each other'. Suggest correct spelling and clearer noun choice.

× I want to be a music worser because it is a well paid and creative career.

✓ I want to be a music producer because it is a well-paid and creative career.

'Worser' is not a word; likely meant 'producer' or 'worker'. Use 'well-paid' with hyphen when used before noun. Present tense 'want' is correct for future intention. Suggest choose correct job title and hyphenate compound adjective.

× It would also give me opportunities to network with artists and industry professional.

✓ It would also give me opportunities to network with artists and industry professionals.

Missing plural 'professionals' and preposition 'with' is fine; main error is singular/plural mismatch. Use plural to match 'artists'. Suggest ensure parallel plurals.

× We choose my interest in collaboration and music technology.

✓ It fits my interests in collaboration and music technology.

Original has wrong subject and verb: 'We choose my interest' is ungrammatical. Rephrase to express that the career aligns with the speaker's interests: 'It fits my interests' or 'This matches my interest in...'. Use plural 'interests' if listing multiple areas. Suggest rephrasing sentences to have clear subject and verb.