Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is informative and relevant but somewhat long and slightly repetitive. To improve, give a clear topic sentence, then one or two concise supporting details. Use linking words (for example, 'so' or 'which') to make the structure clearer, and avoid repeating the organization name or the idea of vulnerability more than once.

例: I work as an English teacher at the Center for Newcomers in Calgary. I teach recently arrived refugees and other newcomers who often have little formal education, so I focus on practical language skills to help them adapt to life in Canada.

提案: The answer repeats information and ends abruptly. Improve by giving a direct topic sentence naming the workplace, then add one clear supporting detail. Remove filler words (uh, and) and finish your sentence fully.

例: I work at the Center for Newcomers in Calgary, which is a nonprofit organization. There I teach English to newcomers, especially refugees who need help developing basic language skills.

提案: This is a natural and positive answer with specific reasons, but reduce repetition and tighten sentences. Use linking words (for example, 'because' then 'for example' or 'in particular') to present reasons clearly. Try to keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes — it's a fantastic place to work because the environment is supportive and colleagues are friendly. For example, my manager mentors me regularly and helps me develop my own teaching approach, which I really appreciate.

提案: Good content but fragmented and with hesitation. Give a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm, uh), and combine short fragments into one or two well-formed sentences using linking words like 'because' or 'so'.

例: I really enjoy working there because my colleagues are very supportive and encouraging, so being surrounded by people I can learn from is very rewarding.

提案: The answer contains useful points but is disorganized and has grammatical errors and repetitions. Start with a clear topic sentence about having plans, then list two or three plans using linking words ('first', 'then', 'finally'). Check verb forms ('I plan' not 'I'm playing planning') and make full sentences.

例: I have several plans for the future. First, I plan to get my Ukrainian master's diploma evaluated in Canada. Then I intend to apply for further teacher education, and after that I hope to teach English in a Calgary public school.

× I work as a teacher of English in one of the nonprofit organizations of Calgary, which is called the Center for Newcomers, and I'm dealing with vulnerable people mostly coming from different countries.

✓ I work as an English teacher at one of the nonprofit organizations in Calgary, the Center for Newcomers, and I work with vulnerable people mostly coming from different countries.

Article and preposition use: 'a teacher of English' is correct but 'an English teacher' is more natural. Use 'at' for organizations and 'in Calgary' rather than 'of Calgary'. 'which is called the Center for Newcomers' is wordy; use a reduced apposition 'the Center for Newcomers'. 'dealing with' is informal; 'work with' is more appropriate here. This improves fluency and corrects article/preposition choices.

× And basically those people do not have any prior education.

✓ Basically, these people do not have any prior education.

Sentence structure and pronoun choice: Beginning with 'And basically' is informal and creates a fragment feel; remove 'And' and use 'Basically,'. 'Those' is less appropriate than 'these' when referring to people already introduced. Comma placement after introductory adverb improves clarity.

× That's why I'm helping them to adapt to the life in Canada, to learn English and to become like.

✓ That's why I help them adapt to life in Canada, learn English, and become independent.

Tense consistency and incomplete clause: Mixing present progressive 'I'm helping' with general purpose is acceptable but using simple present 'I help' is more natural for habitual actions. 'to the life in Canada' should be 'to life in Canada' (article error). The phrase 'to become like' is incomplete; likely intended 'become independent' or 'like Canadians' — provide a coherent completion.

× I work at the Center for Newcomers and what that is one of the nonprofit organizations of Calgary and uh, I help people coming from different countries of the world as refugees or other vulnerable members of society who do not have prior education in in their native language as well to.

✓ I work at the Center for Newcomers, which is one of the nonprofit organizations in Calgary, and I help people who come from different countries as refugees or other vulnerable members of society who do not have prior education in their native language.

Article and preposition use and sentence structure: 'what that is' is incorrect; use 'which is'. 'of Calgary' should be 'in Calgary'. Remove filler 'of the world'. 'coming from different countries' -> 'who come from different countries'. Duplicate 'in in' remove one. The final 'as well to' is ungrammatical; end with 'in their native language.' This corrects articles, prepositions, and overall sentence structure.

× People are very nice and friendly, they are very supporting.

✓ People are very nice and friendly; they are very supportive.

Word choice: 'supporting' is the present participle and not the correct adjective here. Use 'supportive' to describe people. Also join clauses properly (semicolon or two sentences) to avoid comma splice.

× My direct manager is always mentoring me about every step of my career, helping me to to find my own approach in teaching and I'm very grateful for him for that.

✓ My direct manager always mentors me at every step of my career, helps me find my own approach to teaching, and I'm very grateful to him for that.

Verb form and preposition errors: 'is always mentoring me about every step' is awkward; use 'always mentors me at every step' or 'mentors me through every step'. Remove duplicate 'to to'. 'approach in teaching' -> 'approach to teaching'. Use 'grateful to him' not 'for him.' This fixes tense/aspect and preposition choices.

× I really like the place where I work mostly because of the people, umm, people who are working with me.

✓ I really like the place where I work, mostly because of the people who work with me.

Redundancy and sentence structure: Remove filler 'umm' and the repeated 'people'. Use 'who work with me' rather than 'people who are working with me' for a concise habitual description.

× Very supporting and very encouraging.

✓ They are very supportive and very encouraging.

Sentence fragment and word choice: This fragment lacks a subject and verb. Add 'They are' to make a complete sentence. Replace 'supporting' with the adjective 'supportive'.

× So, uh, be surrounded with people I can learn from is very rewarding.

✓ So, being surrounded by people I can learn from is very rewarding.

Grammar form and preposition: Use the gerund 'being' to act as the subject. Use 'surrounded by' not 'surrounded with'. This corrects subject phrase formation and preposition choice.

× And have several plans for the future.

✓ I have several plans for the future.

Sentence missing subject and incorrect tense: The sentence lacks the subject 'I'. Remove leading 'And' and begin with 'I have' to form a complete present-tense statement.

× First of all, I'm planning to get my Ukrainian Masters diploma evaluated here in Canada and secondly, I'm playing planning to apply for the further education in teaching I'm planning to become.

✓ First of all, I'm planning to get my Ukrainian master's diploma evaluated here in Canada; secondly, I'm planning to apply for further education in teaching.

Punctuation, article and word-form errors: 'Masters' should be 'master's' (possessive). 'playing planning' is a typo; use 'planning'. 'apply for the further education in teaching' -> 'apply for further education in teaching' (remove 'the'). The final fragment 'I'm planning to become' is incomplete; removed to make sentence grammatical.

× Afterwards. I'm planning to become a teacher of English in one of the public schools of Calgary.

✓ Afterwards, I'm planning to become an English teacher in one of the public schools in Calgary.

Punctuation and article/preposition use: 'Afterwards.' should be connected with the sentence via a comma. Use 'an English teacher' for natural word order. Use 'in Calgary' instead of 'of Calgary'. This fixes sentence punctuation and article choice.