Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: give a direct topic sentence and optionally one brief detail. Avoid unnecessary words like 'at this time'. Use a contraction for a natural tone.

例: I'm a student in the 11th grade. I'm focusing on my final year subjects so most of my time is spent studying.

提案: Answer directly and confidently. Since you don't work, say so briefly and give a clear reason without fillers and repetition. Use linking words to connect reason: for example, 'because' or 'so'.

例: I don't work at the moment because I'm preparing for my final year exams, so I need to focus on studying to enter university.

提案: Stay polite and answer the question even if it seems irrelevant. Reframe: acknowledge you don't work and then give an opinion about an ideal workplace or a place you might consider. Keep calm and use one or two supporting details.

例: I'm not currently working, but if I had to work somewhere, I'd prefer a quiet place like a library because it helps me concentrate and feels comfortable.

提案: Good content—shorten and refine language, correct small grammar (use 'a library' and 'small cafés'), and add a brief reason with linking word for coherence.

例: I'm not working now, but I'd like to work in a quiet, comfortable place such as a library or a small café because the calm atmosphere helps me focus.

提案: Organize your answer: start with present focus, then state a clear future plan. Remove fillers ('to be honest', 'umm'). Use linking words like 'however' or 'after' to connect ideas and correct phrasing ('enter university' -> 'enter university' or 'get into university').

例: Right now I'm focused on getting into university, so I haven't planned my career in detail. However, after university I would like to start my own business, perhaps in retail or an online service.

× At this time, I am a student of 11th grade.

✓ At this time, I am an 11th-grade student.

The original sentence has awkward word order and article use. Use the adjective form '11th-grade' before 'student' and the correct article 'an' before a vowel sound ('eleven' pronounced starting with a vowel sound). This yields a more natural and grammatically correct sentence. Grammar problem type ID:26

× I don't work at the current time because my uh, main goal is to umm, study in graduate successfully because umm, this is my final year of high school.

✓ I don't work at the moment because my main goal is to study for graduate school successfully, since this is my final year of high school.

Replace 'at the current time' with the more natural 'at the moment'. 'Study in graduate' is incorrect; use 'study for graduate school' or 'prepare for graduate school'. Use 'since' instead of repeating 'because' to avoid redundancy and improve cohesion. Remove filler words ('uh', 'umm'). Grammar problem type ID:11

× I said that I'm not working and why are you asking me the questions about work?

✓ I already said I'm not working, so why are you asking me questions about work?

Combine the clauses with 'so' to show cause-effect. 'I said that I'm not working' is acceptable but 'already said' is more natural. 'the questions about work' is better as 'questions about work' without the definite article. Also change the question word order to standard 'why are you asking'. Grammar problem type ID:26

× Like I said, I'm not working now, but I would like to work in a quiet and comfortable atmosphere such as library or the mini cafes.

✓ Like I said, I'm not working now, but I would like to work in a quiet and comfortable atmosphere, such as a library or a small cafe.

Use articles before singular countable nouns ('a library', 'a small cafe'). 'Mini cafes' is awkward; 'small cafe' is more natural. Add a comma before 'such as'. Grammar problem type ID:22

× To be honest, I've never thought about that because, umm, now I'm focusing on Graduate School successfully and enter to the university. But uh, I think that after the university, I would like to start my own business.

✓ To be honest, I've never thought about that because now I'm focused on getting into university and graduate school. But I think that after university, I would like to start my own business.

Remove filler words. 'Focusing on Graduate School successfully and enter to the university' is ungrammatical: use 'focused on getting into university and graduate school' or 'focused on entering university'. Do not use 'the university' when speaking generally; say 'university'. Also 'focused' fits the present situation better than 'focusing' when paired with 'now'. Grammar problem type ID:22