Work— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more grammatical. Start with a direct topic sentence stating your job title and employer, then add concise supporting details (how long, main responsibilities). Use correct tense and singular/plural agreement, and avoid unnecessary words.

例: I work as an international trade product strategist at Gasegan Bank, a leading bank in Thailand. I have worked here for about two years, designing trade finance products for corporate clients.

提案: Be precise and correct word choice. Start with a clear location, then provide brief commuting details. Replace incorrect words (e.g., "get that", "misses") with intended vocabulary (e.g., "get there", "messages"). Keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: I work at an office on Radbourne Road in Bangkok, Thailand. I usually take a taxi and the journey takes about 30 minutes, which I don't mind because I can relax and catch up on messages.

提案: Answer directly and use correct nouns and vocabulary. Say why the workplace is good with specific facilities. Avoid wrong words ("replace", "Mrs. room", "reduce steps"); choose accurate descriptions like "workplace", "facilities", "break room" or "gym", and explain how they benefit staff morale.

例: Yes, I think my workplace is very good because it has excellent facilities. For example, employees can use a free break room and an on-site gym, which help reduce stress and improve morale.

提案: Be concise and correct vocabulary. Start with a clear statement of preference, then give a specific reason. Replace incorrect words ("commode") with "commute" and avoid redundancy. Optionally mention a possible solution or feeling to add depth.

例: Not really. The office is about 20 kilometres from my condominium, so my commute is quite long and inconvenient. I would prefer a workplace closer to home or better public transport options.

提案: Good content and clarity—just refine grammar and use natural linking. Combine the ideas into two sentences, correct small errors ("In the short term", pluralize "skills"), and add a brief reason or specific goal to make it more convincing.

例: In the short term, I plan to work for a global bank in Southeast Asia to gain international experience in corporate finance. I also want to improve my skills by working in a multicultural team and learning best practices from colleagues.

× I work as an international Trade product strategist at Gasegan Bank with its one other leading bank in Thailand.

✓ I work as an international trade product strategist at Gasegan Bank with another leading bank in Thailand.

Use 'another' instead of 'its one other' to indicate one more entity; 'trade' should be lowercase. 'Another' correctly modifies a singular noun to mean 'one more'. Suggestion: say 'with another leading bank' or 'and another leading bank'.

× I have worked here for about two years when I have design trade finance product for corporate client.

✓ I have worked here for about two years, where I design trade finance products for corporate clients.

Mixes present perfect ('have worked') with incorrect time clause 'when I have design'. Use a relative clause 'where' and present simple 'design' for habitual actions. Also pluralize 'products' and 'clients'. Suggestion: use 'I have worked here for about two years, where I design trade finance products for corporate clients.'

× I work in an office in Thailand on Radbourne Road.

✓ I work in an office in Thailand on Radbourne Road.

No grammatical change needed; sentence is acceptable. (Included to indicate checked preposition 'on Radbourne Road' is correct.) Suggestion: keep as is.

× I usually take a taxi to get that.

✓ I usually take a taxi to get there.

Use the adverb 'there' to refer to a place. 'That' is a demonstrative pronoun and is incorrect for indicating location. Suggestion: use 'get there' or 'get to work'.

× The journey takes about 30 minutes, which I don't mind because I can relax and check my misses on the way.

✓ The journey takes about 30 minutes, which I don't mind because I can relax and check my messages on the way.

'Misses' is incorrect; likely intended 'messages'. Use the noun 'messages'. Suggestion: say 'check my messages' or 'check my emails'.

× Yes, I think my replace is a very good place to work because it has excellent facility and for example employee can use a Mrs. room for free every day which really helps reduce steps and improve morale.

✓ Yes, I think my workplace is a very good place to work because it has excellent facilities; for example, employees can use a massage room for free every day, which really helps reduce stress and improve morale.

Many word choice and agreement errors: 'replace' should be 'workplace'; 'facility' needs plural 'facilities'; 'employee' should be plural 'employees'; 'Mrs. room' unclear—likely 'massage room'; 'reduce steps' should be 'reduce stress'. Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct nouns. Suggestion: simplify to 'my workplace has excellent facilities; for example, employees can use a massage room for free every day, which reduces stress and improves morale.'

× Actually, I don't like the place where I work because the office is about 20 kilometres from my condominium, so the commode is quite long.

✓ Actually, I don't like the place where I work because the office is about 20 kilometres from my condominium, so the commute is quite long.

'Commode' is a wrong word; correct noun is 'commute'. 'Commute' refers to travel to work. Keep sentence structure but replace the incorrect word. Suggestion: use 'the commute is quite long'.

× It is inconvenient to travel there.

✓ It is inconvenient to travel there.

Sentence is correct; no change needed. 'Inconvenient' correctly modifies infinitive 'to travel'. Suggestion: keep as is.

× In short term, I plan to work for a global bank in Southeast Asia.

✓ In the short term, I plan to work for a global bank in Southeast Asia.

Add the definite article 'the' before 'short term' to form the common expression 'in the short term'. Tense 'plan to work' is correct for future intention. Suggestion: 'In the short term, I plan to work...'

× I want to get an international experience in corporate finance and improve my skill working in a multicultural team.

✓ I want to gain international experience in corporate finance and improve my skills by working in a multicultural team.

Use 'gain' rather than 'get' for 'experience'; omit 'an' before 'international experience' (uncountable); pluralize 'skills'; add 'by' to clarify how improvement will happen. Suggestion: 'gain international experience' and 'improve my skills by working...'