Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat repetitive and contains hesitations. Try to be more concise and avoid filler words like 'umm' and 'uh'. Also, ensure subject-verb agreement, for example, 'which makes it' instead of 'which make it'. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: My hometown is the capital city of Kazakhstan, where I have lived since childhood. I enjoy living there because it is modern, with many parks and attractions. Moreover, the vibrant atmosphere and friendly people make it a wonderful place to live.

提案: Avoid filler words and improve sentence structure for clarity. Use linking words to connect your ideas and provide more specific details. Instead of vague statements like 'people are very beautiful', describe their qualities or why you appreciate them.

例: I like the modern buildings and numerous cultural attractions in my hometown. I often visit these places with my friends and family. Additionally, the people in Astana are warm and welcoming, which makes the city even more enjoyable.

提案: Your answer is a bit unclear and contains unnecessary hesitations. Focus on answering the question directly first, then add relevant details. Also, clarify your future plans with proper sentence structure and linking words.

例: I have lived in my hometown since I was born, so for about 17 years. In the future, I plan to continue living here because I intend to attend university in Astana.

提案: Try to avoid filler words and improve coherence by using linking words. Provide more specific reasons why your hometown is good for young people, such as educational opportunities or recreational facilities.

例: Yes, definitely. Astana is popular among young people because many teenagers live here, and it offers excellent universities. Moreover, young people from other cities often move here to pursue higher education and enjoy various social activities.

× I love the vibrant atmosphere and the friendly people, which makes it, uh, which make it a great place to live.

✓ I love the vibrant atmosphere and the friendly people, which make it a great place to live.

The relative pronoun 'which' refers to the plural subject 'the vibrant atmosphere and the friendly people', so the verb should be plural 'make' instead of singular 'makes' to agree with the plural subject.

× I love visits there, uh, visit them with my friends and family.

✓ I love visiting there, uh, visiting them with my friends and family.

After the verb 'love', when expressing enjoyment of an activity, the gerund form '-ing' should be used. Therefore, 'visits' and 'visit' should be changed to 'visiting' to correctly express the action.

× I love the people in Astana, they are very beautiful.

✓ I love the people in Astana; they are very friendly.

Describing people as 'beautiful' is usually about physical appearance and may not be appropriate in this context. 'Friendly' better conveys a positive social quality, which fits the context of liking the people.

× Actually, I have been living here since I was born, so it is about, umm, 17 years old, umm, and in the future I would like to live in Arsenal, so because I'm planning to get into university in Astana.

✓ Actually, I have been living here since I was born, so I am about 17 years old, and in the future I would like to live in Arsenal because I'm planning to get into university in Astana.

The phrase 'it is about 17 years old' incorrectly refers to the speaker's age. The correct expression is 'I am about 17 years old'. Also, 'so because' is redundant; 'because' alone suffices. The sentence is corrected for clarity and grammatical accuracy.