Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and sentence structure for clarity. Avoid redundancy by combining related ideas smoothly. Use linking words to connect ideas logically.

例: My hometown, Shenzhen, is close to Hong Kong and is a modern, international city. It has a large population and many big companies, such as BYD, are located there.

提案: Focus on clear pronunciation and correct vocabulary (e.g., 'Hong chaos' should be 'hometown'). Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific details about what makes the city beautiful and enjoyable.

例: I like my hometown because it is a beautiful city with many parks where I can enjoy nature. Additionally, the warm climate makes it pleasant to spend time outdoors.

提案: Use correct tense and sentence structure to improve clarity. Avoid redundancy by stating the duration clearly and concisely. Use linking words to organize the answer logically.

例: I was born in Shenzhen and lived there for about 16 years before moving to Hong Kong with my family. I also spent my entire student life in Shenzhen.

提案: Reduce hesitation and filler words. Use plural forms correctly and improve sentence flow with linking words. Provide specific reasons why Shenzhen is good for young people.

例: Yes, Shenzhen is a great place for young people because many people from different areas come here to find jobs. The city offers numerous job opportunities, which help young people grow and develop their careers.

× My hometown in Shenzhen is close to the Hong Kong and is a modern and international city.

✓ My hometown in Shenzhen is close to Hong Kong and is a modern and international city.

The definite article 'the' is not used before proper nouns like 'Hong Kong'. Using 'the' before 'Hong Kong' is incorrect.

× So there are lots of people live in Shenzhen and there's a lot of big firm also located in Shenzhen, just like the BYD.

✓ So there are lots of people living in Shenzhen and there are also a lot of big firms located in Shenzhen, just like BYD.

The verb 'live' should be in the '-ing' form after 'there are' to indicate ongoing action. Also, 'firm' should be plural 'firms' to agree with 'a lot of'. The phrase 'there's a lot of big firm also located' is awkward; it is better to say 'there are also a lot of big firms located'. The article 'the' before 'BYD' is unnecessary because BYD is a company name.

× I like my Hong chaos because I think it's very beautiful city and it have lots of park so I can go outdoor to visit lots of, uh, nature thing and also have the warm climate so it's very hot.

✓ I like my hometown because I think it's a very beautiful city and it has lots of parks so I can go outdoors to visit lots of natural things and it also has a warm climate so it's very hot.

'Hong chaos' seems to be a mispronunciation or typo for 'hometown'. 'It have' should be 'it has' to agree with the singular subject. 'Lots of park' should be plural 'lots of parks'. 'Go outdoor' should be 'go outdoors'. 'Nature thing' should be plural and adjective form: 'natural things'. Also, 'have the warm climate' should be 'has a warm climate' to agree with the singular subject and use the indefinite article.

× I was born in Shenzhen and until I am 16 years old, I just moved to the Hong Kong with my family and so I already live in Shenzhen around 16 years and also I spent my whole student life in Shenzhen.

✓ I was born in Shenzhen and until I was 16 years old, I lived there. Then I moved to Hong Kong with my family. So I lived in Shenzhen for around 16 years and also spent my whole student life there.

The phrase 'until I am 16 years old' should be in past tense 'until I was 16 years old' to match the past context. 'I just moved to the Hong Kong' should be 'I moved to Hong Kong' without 'just' and 'the'. 'I already live in Shenzhen around 16 years' is incorrect tense and structure; it should be 'I lived in Shenzhen for around 16 years'. 'I spent my whole student life in Shenzhen' is correct but better to connect properly.

× There are lots of people come from different places.

✓ There are lots of people coming from different places.

After 'there are', when describing ongoing action, the verb should be in the '-ing' form. 'People come' is incorrect here; it should be 'people coming'.

× They come to Shenzhen to find jobs because Shenzhen provide lots of job opportunity.

✓ They come to Shenzhen to find jobs because Shenzhen provides lots of job opportunities.

The verb 'provide' should be in third person singular form 'provides' to agree with the singular subject 'Shenzhen'. Also, 'job opportunity' should be plural 'job opportunities' to match 'lots of'.

× It's a quiet opportunity, uh, opportunity for them to uh, grow and uh, development.

✓ It's a good opportunity for them to grow and develop.

'Quiet opportunity' is incorrect; likely meant 'good opportunity'. Also, 'grow and development' is incorrect; 'grow' is a verb, so the parallel verb form 'develop' should be used instead of the noun 'development'.