Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct place names and grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence naming your hometown, then add one or two specific details (location, features) using linking words. Avoid repetition and filler words.

例: I come from a small city called Hongyuan in eastern Taiwan. It is surrounded by mountains and has beautiful coastal scenery, so I often recommend it to visitors who enjoy nature and quiet towns.

提案: Clarify the activity and use accurate vocabulary. Give a direct topic sentence then explain with specific reasons or examples. Remove contradictions (e.g., 'uncomfortable' vs 'relaxed') and avoid fillers.

例: My favourite activity in my hometown is visiting the hot springs. They are very relaxing and can help soothe tired muscles, so locals and tourists go there to unwind after hiking.

提案: Answer directly with a clear time reference and then add specific supporting details. Use correct tense and reduce fillers. For example, state the number of years or 'most of my life', then describe particular attractions or activities.

例: I've lived there for most of my life — about twenty years. It is a quiet, scenic place with many hiking trails, coastal views and local festivals that keep life interesting.

提案: Give a balanced and coherent answer using linking words. Start with a clear opinion, then explain reasons for both sides with specific examples (jobs, lifestyle, opportunities). Avoid vagueness and fillers.

例: It depends. If you are looking for career opportunities, especially in tech or finance, my hometown is limited because most jobs are in agriculture and tourism. However, for quality of life — lower cost, safety and outdoor activities — it is an excellent place for young people who value a relaxed lifestyle.

× I come from Taiwan and I lived in the eastern of at least eastern Taiwan and the city is called On Hongyuan and it's very beautiful and I highly recommend you to go there just to visit and explore there.

✓ I come from Taiwan and I lived in the eastern part of Taiwan; the city is called Dong Hongyuan. It's very beautiful and I highly recommend you visit and explore it.

Original sentence uses incorrect preposition and phrasing: 'in the eastern of' is not correct English; use 'in the eastern part of' or 'in eastern'. 'At least eastern Taiwan' is unclear and likely wrong. 'On Hongyuan' seems to be a mispronunciation or typo; 'Dong Hongyuan' or the correct place name should be used. 'Recommend you to go there just to visit and explore there' is wordy and uses 'there' twice; use 'recommend you visit and explore it.' Suggestion: simplify prepositional phrases and avoid redundant 'there.' Note: Correction preserves present/factual tense for origin and past living and fixes prepositions and pronoun reference.

× My favorite thing, the activity is to go to the hospital and it is very uncomfortable and just very, umm, relaxed because you can just, uh, immerse yourself in a hard body and just uh, feel the healing, you know?

✓ My favorite activity is to go to the hot springs; it is very relaxing because you can immerse yourself in hot water and feel healed.

The original uses wrong noun 'hospital' instead of likely 'hot springs' and incorrect adjective 'uncomfortable' while saying 'relaxed'. Preposition and collocation errors: one 'immerse yourself in a hard body' is ungrammatical; correct collocation is 'immerse yourself in hot water' or 'a hot spring.' Also 'feel the healing' is awkward; better 'feel healed' or 'feel the healing effects.' Suggestion: choose correct nouns (hot spring/hot water), use 'relaxing' not 'relaxed' to describe an experience, and use correct verb-object collocations like 'immerse yourself in hot water.'

× I left that layer almost my whole, umm, life and I enjoy, umm, living there because it's, umm, quite, umm, quiet and very, uh, scenic layer.

✓ I have lived there for almost my whole life and I enjoy living there because it's quite quiet and very scenic.

Original uses 'I left that layer' which is incorrect word choice and tense: 'left' (past simple) conflicts with 'almost my whole life' and likely should be present perfect 'have lived.' 'Layer' is a mispronunciation or wrong word; should be 'there.' 'Scenic layer' is wrong; 'scenic' is an adjective that does not need 'layer.' Suggestion: use present perfect 'have lived' for actions continuing to present; remove extra filler words and correct pronouns/place words.

× Technically, I think if umm, if it's for the umm of fighting a, a job, I don't think it's fit to uh, the young people.

✓ Technically, I think that if it's about finding a job, I don't think it's suitable for young people.

Original uses awkward phrase 'the umm of fighting a, a job' and incorrect collocation 'fit to the young people.' The modal/verb phrase should be 'suitable for' not 'fit to.' Also 'if it's for' is vague; 'if it's about finding a job' clarifies meaning. Suggestion: replace unclear idioms with standard expressions like 'finding a job' and use correct preposition 'suitable for.'

× But if you, if you said, uh, for living, I will say it's very good.

✓ But if you mean living there, I would say it's very good.

Original 'if you said, uh, for living' is incorrect grammar and tense. Use 'if you mean' (present) to express a general condition; 'I would say' is a more natural modal for opinion in hypothetical contexts. Suggestion: use 'mean' to clarify intent and 'would say' for polite opinion.