Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 在回答中已包含地理位置和一些特点，内容较完整，但可改进点有：1) 精简句子避免冗长，保持自然口语风格；2) 用更具体的例子说明设施如何“tangibly benefit”你的生活；3) 控制句子数，尽量不超过5句并使用连接词使逻辑更清晰。

例: I’m from Harbin in northeast China. It’s a large city known for modern skyscrapers and well-equipped hospitals and shopping centers. For example, the nearby hospital means I can get medical help quickly, and the shopping malls offer a wide range of affordable goods.

提案: 回答主题明确且描述生动，但可以：1) 使用连词（例如：Moreover, For instance）使句子衔接更自然；2) 提供更具体的细节或个人感受（例如你如何参与或节日对当地经济的影响）；3) 避免过度夸张，保持自然表达。

例: I love the Ice and Snow Festival in Harbin because it creates a fairy-tale atmosphere every winter. For instance, huge illuminated ice sculptures line the main park, and many locals work as guides or vendors during the festival, which really boosts the local economy.

提案: 回答情感真挚且具体，但可改进：1) 第一句时态注意（现在仍被问到时可用“have lived”或“I lived there until”）；2) 可用一两句补充具体回忆或例子增强说服力；3) 保持句子简洁，注意连接词使用。

例: I lived in Harbin for almost 18 years until I went to college. During that time my grandparents raised me, and they always supported me—for example, my grandfather took me to the ice festival every year, which made me feel very loved.

提案: 观点明确且有理由支撑，但可以改进：1) 使用连接词（However, Therefore）使论证更连贯；2) 提供具体数据或举例（例如哪类职位缺乏或典型薪资差距）或提出可能的优点以表现全面性；3) 句式可更自然口语化。

例: I don’t think Harbin is ideal for young people because job opportunities are limited, especially in high-tech industries. Therefore, many graduates move to cities like Shanghai for better careers and salaries, although Harbin can be attractive for those who prefer a quieter life.

× My hometown is Harbin, located in the northeast of China.

✓ My hometown is Harbin, located in the northeast of China.

该句无需定冠词“the”在表示国家或地区的方位前通常使用“the northeast of China”是可以的；但在口语或简洁表达中也可说“in northeast China”。原句已可接受，因此不做改动。

× It's an international metropolis with many skyscrapers and advanced infrastructures like hospitals and shopping malls.

✓ It's an international metropolis with many skyscrapers and advanced infrastructure like hospitals and shopping malls.

“infrastructure”通常作为不可数名词使用，复数形式不常见。建议使用不可数形式“infrastructure”。中文建议：将“infrastructures”改为不可数的“infrastructure”，更符合习惯用法。

× These facilities tangibly benefit my life.

✓ These facilities have tangibly benefited my life.

原句时态与上下文不完全一致。描述过去和持续的受益时，用现在完成时更恰当。中文建议：将一般现在时改为现在完成时“have benefited”，并把“tangibly”放在动词之前或之后均可，常见位置为“have tangibly benefited”。

× It's very captivating and unique like a fairy tale.

✓ It's very captivating and unique, like a fairy tale.

原句需要在并列形容词与后置短语之间加逗号以增加可读性；语法本身可接受，但加逗号能更清晰。中文建议：在“unique”后加逗号，使句子更自然。

× the city is filled with huge ice sculptures and lights which attract tourists from every corner of the globe.

✓ the city is filled with huge ice sculptures and lights, which attract tourists from every corner of the globe.

非限制性定语从句前应有逗号。中文建议：在“lights”后加逗号以引出非限制性定语从句。

× I lived there for nearly 18 years until I left for college, so I spent most of my childhood in that house.

✓ I lived there for nearly 18 years until I left for college, so I spent most of my childhood in that house.

句子时态使用正确，过去时描述已发生的事情合适，因此无需修改。中文说明：该句过去时使用得当。

× My grandparents raised me like their own child.

✓ My grandparents raised me as their own child.

在此语境中，常用介词短语“as their own child”而非“like”。“like”通常用于比喻或相似表达，使用“as”更能表示身份或角色。中文建议：将“like”改为“as”。

× I felt very loved as I grew up because they always supported and encouraged me.

✓ I felt very loved as I grew up because they always supported and encouraged me.

此句时态混合合理：过去感受（felt）与表示习惯的过去动作（always supported）一致，因此无需修改。中文说明：现在没有语法错误。

× there are few job opportunities and most businesses are small scale, so many graduates move to bigger cities like Shanghai or Beijing for a better career perspective.

✓ There are few job opportunities and most businesses are small-scale, so many graduates move to bigger cities like Shanghai or Beijing for better career prospects.

1) “small scale”作为形容词短语需连字符“small-scale”。2) “a better career perspective”不太地道，常用复数“career prospects”且通常不加不定冠词“a”。中文建议：在“small scale”加连字符，并将“a better career perspective”改为“better career prospects”。