Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then optionally add a brief, relevant detail. Avoid extra words like “which is”. Use linking structure if adding detail.

例: I’m from Canton City in Chuzhou, Anhui Province. It’s a small city about 40 kilometers from the provincial capital.

提案: Give a clearer topic sentence and add one or two specific examples to support your claim. Reduce fillers (uh, well) and combine ideas with a linking word to sound more fluent.

例: I like that it’s very beautiful and not too crowded. For example, the riverside park and the old town square are attractive places where people relax and local festivals are held.

提案: Use correct tense and a clear structure: state the exact duration then clarify if you still live there. Avoid tense errors like 'lived' for ongoing situations.

例: I’ve lived there for about 20 years — I was born there and still live in Canton City now.

提案: Be direct and coherent. Start with a clear opinion, then give specific reasons and examples. Avoid unclear or incorrect phrases like 'most unrecognizable' and 'blasting' — choose precise vocabulary (e.g., 'developed', 'vibrant'). Connect sentences with linking words for clarity.

例: Yes, I think it’s a good place for young people because it has more job opportunities and modern leisure facilities than 20 years ago. For instance, several new tech companies and a large shopping mall have opened recently, so young people have both work and entertainment options.

× I live in Canton City which is part of Chuzhou City in Anhui Province.

✓ I live in Canton City, which is part of Chuzhou City in Anhui Province.

The original sentence is generally correct in tense but missing a necessary comma before the nonrestrictive relative clause 'which is part of Chuzhou City in Anhui Province'. Add a comma to improve punctuation and clarity; no tense change is needed. Suggestion: Insert a comma before 'which' when the clause provides additional information rather than defining the noun.

× I lived about 20 years since I was born.

✓ I have lived here for about 20 years, since I was born.

The student used simple past 'lived' with 'since I was born', which requires the present perfect to link past start time to the present. Also add 'here' or 'in Canton City' and 'for' before a duration. Suggestion: Use present perfect 'have lived' with 'for' plus duration and keep 'since' for the starting point.

× Yes, of course my hometown is the most unrecognizable.

✓ Yes, of course my hometown is very different from before.

The phrase 'the most unrecognizable' is awkward and likely incorrect in meaning. 'Unrecognizable' is a predicate adjective often used without 'the most' in this context. A clearer structure is 'very different from before' or 'almost unrecognizable compared to before'. Suggestion: Replace with a clearer comparative phrase that matches the intended meaning.

× Compared to 20 years ago.

✓ (This is a sentence fragment; combine with the previous sentence: 'Yes, of course my hometown is very different from 20 years ago.' )

This fragment 'Compared to 20 years ago.' lacks a main verb and subject, so it cannot stand alone. It should be combined with the previous sentence or completed: for example, 'Compared to 20 years ago, it has changed a lot.' Suggestion: Attach the fragment to a complete sentence or add subject and verb.

× It is much more blasting than before.

✓ It has developed a lot compared to before.

'Blasting' is not appropriate as an adjective to describe a town's change; it is typically a verb or informal exclamation. The comparative 'much more blasting than before' is ungrammatical. Use verbs like 'has changed', 'has developed', or adjectives like 'busier' or 'more modern' depending on intent. Suggestion: Choose a suitable adjective or verb phrase (e.g., 'much busier', 'much more modern', 'has developed a lot').