Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence naming your hometown, then add one or two specific, correctly phrased details. Avoid repetition and incorrect grammar (e.g., 'man-made', 'was one of the eight wonders of the world'). Use linking words only if adding a second detail.

例: I come from a small municipality in the central Philippines called [Town Name]. It is famous for its man-made rice terraces, which are renowned for their majestic views and were once considered one of the world’s wonders. You can also visit nearby waterfalls that attract many tourists.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then give a specific, culturally appropriate example without awkward or unclear wording. Avoid overly long or graphic details; keep language natural and polite. Use one linking phrase (for example, 'for example' or 'for instance') to introduce the example.

例: I like my hometown for its strong sense of community and simple lifestyle. For example, during local festivals people come together to prepare food and celebrate, which shows how cooperative and close-knit the community is.

提案: Use correct tense and clear timeline: start with a direct statement of duration, then briefly explain what happened afterwards. Fix grammar errors (e.g., 'I needed to move', 'I rarely visited'). Keep it to two or three sentences maximum.

例: I lived there for 15 years, from childhood until I finished high school. After that I needed to move to another city for university, so I rarely visited my hometown while I was studying and later when I worked abroad.

提案: Start with a clear opinion sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using correct vocabulary and linking words. Correct mistakes ('rice paddies', 'hands-on', avoid trailing sentences). Keep sentences complete and concise.

例: Yes, my hometown is a good place for young people because it teaches hard work and community responsibility. For instance, many teenagers help plant rice in the paddies, gaining hands-on experience and developing independence through activities like trekking the nearby hills.

× I live in a small municipality in the middle part of the Philippines.

✓ I live in a small municipality in the middle part of the Philippines.

No grammatical correction required; sentence is acceptable. Keep preposition 'in' and article usage as is.

× It is where you can see that famous man made rice terraces which is known for its majestic view and also was one of the 8 wonders of the world's before.

✓ It is where you can see the famous man-made rice terraces, which are known for their majestic views and were once considered one of the eight wonders of the world.

Errors: missing hyphen in 'man-made', incorrect determiner 'that' to 'the', relative clause agreement (rice terraces plural so use 'are' and 'their'), plural 'views' sounds natural, tense and phrasing: 'were once considered' replaces 'was ... before' for correct past reference. Also use 'eight' in words and 'wonders of the world' without possessive.

× You can also see the famous water.

✓ You can also see a famous waterfall.

Original is vague and likely wrong noun 'water'. Use specific noun 'waterfall' and include an article 'a' to form a correct noun phrase. If a specific waterfall is meant, use 'the famous waterfall'.

× I like my hometown for its simplicity and it's one for all, all for one mentality.

✓ I like my hometown for its simplicity and its 'one for all, all for one' mentality.

Mistake: using contraction 'it's' (it is) instead of possessive pronoun 'its'. Use 'its' to show possession. Keep proverb phrase in quotes or italics when writing.

× Whenever there are some festivals or maybe some small celebrations, the men will bring their bolo to help the people to butcher some pigs for the food for everyone.

✓ Whenever there are festivals or small celebrations, men bring their bolas to help butcher pigs for food for everyone.

Changes: remove 'some' for concision, use plural 'men' generically, change 'will bring' to present 'bring' for habitual actions, pluralize 'bolo' to 'bolas' (or 'machetes' if regional), remove redundant 'the people' and adjust word order. 'For the food for everyone' simplified to 'for food for everyone'.

× I lived there for 15 years from childhood till high school.

✓ I lived there for 15 years, from childhood until high school.

Minor punctuation and word choice: 'till' is colloquial; 'until' is preferred in formal writing. Add a comma for clarity. Past tense 'lived' is correct.

× Unfortunately, after high school I need to move to another city to have my college degree and when I was in my university, I barely visit my hometown anymore until I work in another country as well.

✓ Unfortunately, after high school I needed to move to another city to pursue my college degree, and when I was at university, I barely visited my hometown anymore until I later worked in another country.

Errors: tense consistency—use past 'needed', 'pursue' (or 'to get'), past 'visited', and 'worked'. Use 'at university' rather than 'in my university'. 'Anymore' pairs with past 'visited'. Rephrase for clarity and correct sequence.

× My hometown is a great training ground for young people because growing up there teaches them the value of hard work and community responsibility.

✓ My hometown is a great training ground for young people because growing up there teaches them the value of hard work and community responsibility.

Sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed.

× For example, many teenagers help in planting rice in the patties, which gives them a hands on experience and builds independence through outdoor activities like a climbing, trekking the hills and.

✓ For example, many teenagers help plant rice in the paddies, which gives them hands-on experience and builds independence through outdoor activities like climbing and trekking the hills.

Issues: 'help in planting' changed to 'help plant' (more natural), 'patties' corrected to 'paddies' (rice fields), 'a hands on experience' to 'hands-on experience' (hyphen and no article), remove 'a' before 'climbing', remove extra 'a' and trailing 'and' fixed to 'climbing and trekking the hills'.