Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate: start with a clear topic sentence naming your hometown, then add one or two specific, correct facts. Fix geography and grammar. Use linking words (e.g., "and", "also") and avoid filler sounds like "uh". Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I come from Almaty, the largest city of Kazakhstan and its former capital. It is surrounded by mountains and lies in southeast Kazakhstan near the border with Kyrgyzstan, which makes it popular for hiking and skiing.

提案: Begin with a direct topic sentence saying what you like. Give one or two specific supporting details and use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example"). Avoid repetition and filler. Limit to 2–4 sentences and use precise vocabulary (e.g., "developed", "modern infrastructure", "cultural life").

例: What I like most about Almaty is its modern infrastructure and cultural life. For example, there are many universities and cultural centres, so young people can study and enjoy concerts, cafes and museums.

提案: Answer directly with a clear time-frame (e.g., "all my life"). Then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Correct grammar ("in Almaty", "I was born in Almaty", "I am going to graduate"→or "I graduated high school"). Keep it concise and natural.

例: I have lived in Almaty all my life because I was born here. I attended primary and secondary school here, and most of my family and friends still live in the city.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with balanced, specific reasons. Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g., "because", "however"). Improve coherence: mention both positives and a challenge succinctly. Correct grammar ("there are many malls and places for entertainment", "it can be difficult to find a job"). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think Almaty is good for young people because there are many universities and entertainment options such as malls, cinemas and cafés. However, it can be difficult to find a job after graduation due to competition.

× I live in the Almaty, the largest city of Kazakhstan, and it is a former capital of Kazakhstan.

✓ I live in Almaty, the largest city of Kazakhstan, and it is the former capital of Kazakhstan.

Use no article before most city names in English: say 'in Almaty' not 'in the Almaty'. Use 'the former capital' because 'former capital' refers to a specific former capital of the country; the definite article is required. Suggestion: Remove 'the' before city names; keep 'the' before 'former capital'. (English, Kazakhstan)

× It's rounded by numerous mountains and located in the Central Asia with, uh, China and Malaysia.

✓ It is surrounded by numerous mountains and located in Central Asia near China and Mongolia.

Use 'surrounded by' instead of 'rounded by' to describe mountains around a city. Do not use 'the' with 'Central Asia'. Use 'near' or 'bordering' to indicate proximity. Malaysia is not near Kazakhstan; Mongolia is a correct nearby country. Ensure factual accuracy when naming neighboring countries. Suggestion: Use 'surrounded by' and 'located in Central Asia near ...'. (English, Kazakhstan)

× I suppose that the thing that I most like uh, about my city is how Almaty is developed, uh, because of, in comparison with other city, uh, we are more educated, more modern, more, uh, developed.

✓ I suppose that the thing I like most about my city is how developed Almaty is, because compared with other cities we are more educated, more modern and more developed.

Use correct word order: 'the thing I like most' not 'the thing that I most like'. Use adjective 'developed' after the noun with 'is' or use 'how developed Almaty is'. Use plural 'cities' after 'other' and remove unnecessary fillers. 'Compared with' is the correct phrase; do not mix 'because of' with 'in comparison with'. Suggestion: Say 'the thing I like most' and 'compared with other cities'. (English, Kazakhstan)

× To be honest, I was born in the Almaty and have lived here for all my life.

✓ To be honest, I was born in Almaty and have lived here all my life.

Do not use 'the' before city names. Use 'all my life' rather than 'for all my life' in this context; both can be used but 'all my life' is more natural with present perfect 'have lived'. Suggestion: Remove 'the' before city names and use 'all my life'. (English, Kazakhstan)

× I graduated primary school, secondary school and going to graduate, uh, high school here.

✓ I graduated from primary school and secondary school here, and I am going to graduate from high school.

List past completed actions with 'graduated from'. For the future or near-future action use present continuous 'I am going to graduate' or 'I will graduate'. Also include 'from' after 'graduated' in English. Keep verb forms consistent. Suggestion: Use 'graduated from' for completed education and 'I am going to graduate from' for upcoming graduation. (English, Kazakhstan)

× I have a lot of family, a lot of uh, friends here, so.

✓ I have a large family and many friends here.

Use 'a large family' or 'many family members' rather than 'a lot of family'. Use 'many friends' rather than 'a lot of friends' in formal speech. Avoid trailing fillers like 'so'. Suggestion: Use 'a large family' and 'many friends'. (English, Kazakhstan)

× Uh, so it is, it is a problem to find a job after graduation.

✓ However, it is difficult to find a job after graduation.

'It is a problem to find' is grammatically possible but unnatural; say 'it is difficult to find a job' or 'finding a job after graduation is difficult'. Remove repeated 'it is'. Suggestion: Use 'it is difficult to find a job after graduation' or 'finding a job after graduation is difficult'. (English, Kazakhstan)

× And also, uh, have a lot of uh, mall, malls and have a lot of place for fun.

✓ There are also many malls and many places for entertainment.

Start the sentence with a subject ('There are'). Use 'many malls' and 'many places' (plural). 'Place for fun' is informal; use 'places for entertainment' or 'things to do'. Suggestion: Use 'There are many malls and many places for entertainment.' (English, Kazakhstan)