Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence naming the place, then add one or two specific supporting details (region, type of area, a short personal note). Avoid repetition and fix sentence fragments.

例: My hometown is Esperanza, Sultan Kudarat, in the southern Philippines. It is a small rural town, and I spent most of my childhood there, so I still visit often to see family and enjoy the peaceful countryside.

提案: Give a clear main idea and complete the supporting detail. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid filler words like "uh" or repeated phrases. Mention specific features (e.g., nature, beaches, farms) to illustrate why you feel relaxed.

例: My favorite thing about my hometown is that it is very peaceful and not crowded. Because there is almost no traffic and we are surrounded by rice fields and coconut trees, I always feel relaxed when I go back home.

提案: Answer directly with a clear timeframe. Use a topic sentence stating how long you lived there and add brief context if needed. Remove hesitation and incomplete sentences; be specific (ages, years, or life stages).

例: I lived in my hometown from childhood until I finished college, so for about 18 years. After graduating I moved away for work, but I still return regularly to visit my family.

提案: Provide a clear opinion and support it with specific reasons and examples. Use linking words (for example, because, moreover) and avoid trailing off. Mention concrete attractions or opportunities relevant to young people (sports, festivals, safety, jobs).

例: Yes, I think it is a good place for young people because it is safe and offers outdoor activities. For example, there are several beaches and hiking spots, plus small community events and festivals that make life enjoyable for young residents.

× My hometown is in Esperanza Sultan Goodell it is located in the South southern part of the Philippines and it was a countryside in which most of my childhood are spent in my hometown. I grew up there I.

✓ My hometown is Esperanza Sultan Goodell; it is located in the southern part of the Philippines, and it was a countryside where I spent most of my childhood. I grew up there.

Run-on sentence and incorrect word order: the original is multiple clauses joined without proper punctuation or conjunctions, 'South southern' is redundant, 'in which most of my childhood are spent in my hometown' has wrong tense and subject-verb agreement. Use a semicolon or separate sentences to join independent clauses, use 'southern' (adjective), and 'where I spent most of my childhood' for correct relative clause and past tense. Suggestion: Break long ideas into shorter sentences, choose correct adjective form, and match verb tense to the time frame.

× I think it's about, uh, I, I think, uh, my favorite 1 is that it's not that busy.

✓ I think my favorite thing is that it's not very busy.

Awkward filler words and incorrect placeholder '1': redundancy and wrong choice of intensifier. Replace fillers, use 'thing' for general noun and 'very' instead of 'that' to express degree more naturally. Suggestion: Remove hesitation words and use a clear noun and appropriate adverb.

× There's no traffic in our hometown and I feel so relaxed whenever I go home because, uh, we are surrounded by a lot of.

✓ There is no traffic in our hometown, and I feel very relaxed whenever I go home because we are surrounded by a lot of nature.

Incomplete sentence: 'surrounded by a lot of' needs an object. Also filler 'uh' and informal contraction 'There's' acceptable but expand for clarity. Add a specific noun like 'nature' or 'greenery' to complete the idea. Suggestion: Always finish prepositional phrases with a clear object and avoid unnecessary fillers.

× I think, uh, if I didn't have work. Umm, I started living there when I was a child until I finished my college and also after I I got a job I still.

✓ I started living there when I was a child and lived there until I finished college; even after I got a job, I continued to live there if I did not have to move for work.

Fragmented sentences and tense inconsistency: 'if I didn't have work.' is a fragment; repeated words 'I I'; unclear sequence. Use past simple for completed actions ('started', 'finished') and clarify conditional with full clause. Suggestion: Join related ideas into complete sentences, remove repetitions, and keep consistent tense sequence.

× I believe it is because, uh, a lot of people are enjoying our hometown 'cause it has a lot of tourist spot and also, umm, it's very relaxing and it's also a safe one to.

✓ I believe it is because many people enjoy our hometown; it has many tourist spots, it is very relaxing, and it is also a safe place.

Incorrect verb form 'are enjoying' for general statement—use simple present 'enjoy'. 'A lot of tourist spot' is wrong quantifier and singular/plural: use 'many tourist spots'. Trailing 'safe one to' is incomplete. Remove fillers and contractions for clarity. Suggestion: Use simple present for general truths, match count nouns with appropriate quantifiers, and complete all phrases.