Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammar; avoid ending a sentence with an adjective alone ("quiet"). Combine ideas into one or two clear sentences and add a brief specific detail to make it more vivid (e.g., a local landmark or activity).

例: My hometown is Bonta, a small coastal town in southern Leyte, Eastern Visayas, Philippines. It is known for its close-knit fishing community and a scenic beachfront where locals gather at sunset.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, reduce filler words ("umm"), and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide a specific example of a childhood memory to support your point.

例: I like my hometown because it is quiet and peaceful, which made my childhood pleasant. For example, I used to walk to my primary and secondary schools with friends every morning and we would buy snacks from a small vendor near the school gate.

提案: Use correct tense and complete the statement. Avoid fillers ("uh", "like") and ensure the time reference is clear. Mention whether you still live there now or moved away and give a brief timeline of moves with linking words.

例: I lived in Bonta for about 22 years. After graduating from veterinary school, I moved to Luzon to practice for a few years and later worked in Mindanao, so I have been living away from Bonta since then.

提案: Answer directly, remove fillers, and finish your thought with a specific reason and example. Use linking words (e.g., "because", "for example") and mention concrete activities or facilities for young people to support your view.

例: Yes, I think it is a good place for young people because it is peaceful and safe. For example, there are parks and wide open beaches where children can play, and community centers that organize sports and educational activities.

× My hometown is called Bonta, which is located in the southern part of Leyte in the Eastern Visayas region of the Philippines.

✓ My hometown is called Bonta, which is located in the southern part of Leyte in Eastern Visayas, Philippines.

The phrase 'the Eastern Visayas region of the Philippines' is grammatically acceptable, but native usage often omits 'the' before region names when followed by the country. Also 'Eastern Visayas, Philippines' is more natural and concise. Suggestion: use 'Eastern Visayas, Philippines' for clearer, natural phrasing.

× It is a small coastal town known for its fishing community and quiet.

✓ It is a small coastal town known for its fishing community and quietness.

The word 'quiet' is an adjective and cannot directly parallel the noun phrase 'fishing community'. Using the noun 'quietness' or restructuring the sentence (for example, '...known for its fishing community and peaceful atmosphere') creates parallel noun phrases. Suggestion: keep parallel structure by using nouns or use two adjectives before 'town'.

× I like it because it's quiet and peaceful and it is where I had my memories when I was a child.

✓ I like it because it's quiet and peaceful, and it's where I made my childhood memories.

'Had my memories' is incorrect collocation for forming memories; 'made my memories' or better 'created my childhood memories' is natural. Also keep present tense for 'I like' and present/perfect for the state: 'it's where I made my childhood memories.' Suggestion: use 'made' or 'formed' memories or 'have memories of'.

× I went to school, umm, in this town.

✓ I went to school in this town.

The filler 'umm' interrupts sentence flow but is not a grammatical error; removing it yields a correct sentence. Suggestion: avoid fillers in formal responses.

× I went to primary school and secondary.

✓ I went to primary school and secondary school.

The word 'secondary' alone is an adjective; the noun 'school' must follow to parallel 'primary school.' Suggestion: use 'secondary school' or 'secondary education.'

× So I live there for like 22 years because after, uh, graduating from vet school, I went to Luzon to practice my veterinary career and then I went to Mindanao and.

✓ I lived there for about 22 years because after graduating from vet school I went to Luzon to practice veterinary medicine, and then I went to Mindanao.

The time expression 'for 22 years' refers to a past period, so past tense 'lived' is required rather than present 'live.' Also 'like' is informal; use 'about.' 'Graduating' should not be interrupted by 'uh.' 'Practice my veterinary career' is awkward; use 'practice veterinary medicine.' The sentence fragment ending with 'and' must be completed; remove the trailing 'and.' Suggestion: use past tense and clearer phrasing.

× I believe umm it is a good town for young people or for children because this town, as I said, is peaceful and quiet.

✓ I believe it is a good town for young people and children because, as I said, the town is peaceful and quiet.

Remove filler 'umm.' Use 'and' rather than 'or' to include both groups. 'This town, as I said, is' is wordy; 'as I said, the town is' is clearer. Tenses are acceptable; adjustments improve clarity and formality. Suggestion: remove fillers and choose correct conjunction.

× So there are a lot of umm, areas that umm, the children can.

✓ So there are a lot of areas where children can play and spend time.

The original sentence is a fragment ending with 'can' and is incomplete. Remove filler 'umm' and complete the clause by specifying what children can do, for example 'play and spend time.' Suggestion: finish ideas and avoid trailing verbs without objects.