Jewelry— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to use more natural and concise language. Avoid repetition and improve sentence structure for clarity. For example, instead of repeating 'preference' and 'avoid', say 'I prefer comfort, so I usually avoid wearing jewelry because it makes me uncomfortable.'

例: I usually don't wear jewelry because I prefer comfort. Whenever I wear something, it feels uncomfortable, so I tend to avoid it.

提案: Focus on answering the question directly and clearly. Avoid unnecessary phrases and improve linking words. Also, correct grammar and sentence structure are important. For example, say 'I don't usually wear jewelry like rings or bracelets, but recently I saw an ad for a Cuban chain on YouTube, which caught my interest.'

例: I don't usually wear jewelry like rings or bracelets. However, I recently saw an ad for a Cuban chain on YouTube, and it caught my attention.

提案: Try to organize your answer with clear sentences and avoid filler words. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, 'I don't usually buy jewelry because I don't like wearing it. However, I have bought jewelry once or twice as gifts for my friend and my mother, such as two bracelets.'

例: I don't usually buy jewelry because I don't like wearing it. However, I have bought jewelry once or twice as gifts for my friend and my mother, like two bracelets.

提案: Reduce the use of filler words like 'uh' and improve sentence fluency. Use linking words to connect ideas. For example, 'I think people wear jewelry for a long time because they have an emotional attachment to it. For instance, my mom always wears a bracelet that my father gave her.'

例: I think people wear jewelry for a long time because they have an emotional attachment to it. For example, my mom always wears a bracelet that my father gave her.

× To be honest, I'm a person who did not like to wear any kind of jewelry because I give more preference, preference to comfort.

✓ To be honest, I'm a person who does not like to wear any kind of jewelry because I give more preference to comfort.

The sentence describes a habitual action or general truth, so the present tense 'does not like' should be used instead of the past tense 'did not like'. This ensures subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage for present habits.

× I give more preference, preference to comfort.

✓ I give more preference to comfort.

The word 'preference' is repeated unnecessarily. Removing the repeated word improves clarity and correctness.

× So that's the reason I avoid the avoid wearing jewelry.

✓ So that's the reason I avoid wearing jewelry.

The phrase 'the avoid wearing' is incorrect; 'avoid' is a verb and should not be preceded by 'the'. Removing 'the avoid' corrects the sentence structure.

× I do not usually wear the jewelries like rings or bracelets.

✓ I do not usually wear jewelry like rings or bracelets.

The word 'jewelry' is an uncountable noun and does not have a plural form. Using 'jewelries' is incorrect; 'jewelry' should be used instead.

× So after showing that after seeing that video, I checked it's a detail so.

✓ So after seeing that video, I checked its details.

The phrase 'after showing that after seeing that video' is redundant and confusing. Also, 'it's' (it is) is incorrect here; the possessive pronoun 'its' should be used. The sentence is corrected for clarity and proper pronoun use.

× I bought 2 bracelet.

✓ I bought 2 bracelets.

When referring to more than one item, the plural form 'bracelets' should be used instead of the singular 'bracelet'.

× my mom always wear a bracelet because it got gifted from my father, so she has an emotional attachment with it.

✓ my mom always wears a bracelet because it was gifted by my father, so she has an emotional attachment to it.

The verb 'wear' should be in third person singular form 'wears' to agree with the singular subject 'my mom'. Also, 'got gifted' is informal; 'was gifted' is more appropriate. The preposition 'with' should be 'to' when referring to emotional attachment.