Jewelry— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is understandable but could be more natural and concise. Avoid repeating similar ideas and improve sentence structure. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, instead of repeating 'because', you could say: "I don't often wear jewellery as it is quite expensive for me, being a student. However, my brother wears some since he is already at university."

例: I don't often wear jewellery because it is quite expensive for me as a student. However, my brother wears some since he is already at university and can afford it.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to express your ideas clearly and complete your sentences. Use linking words to explain your preference and provide specific reasons. For example, you could say: "I like magnetic jewellery because, compared to other types like necklaces, it is more convenient to wear, especially when exercising or doing other activities."

例: I like magnetic jewellery because, compared to necklaces, it is more comfortable and convenient to wear during exercise or other activities.

提案: Your answer conveys the main idea but has grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing. Try to use correct verb tenses and sentence structures. Also, avoid redundancy. For example: "I don't usually buy jewellery because I am an undergraduate and don't have a part-time job yet, so I lack financial independence. If I want to buy jewellery, I would need to get a part-time job first."

例: I don't usually buy jewellery because I am an undergraduate without a part-time job, so I don't have financial independence. If I want to buy jewellery, I would need to get a part-time job first.

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to organise your ideas logically and use linking words to connect them. Also, avoid vague expressions and be more specific. For example: "Some people wear jewellery for a long time to display their family's wealth. They may care about their appearance because it can influence their personal and professional reputation."

例: Some people wear jewellery for a long time to show their family's wealth. They care about their appearance because it can affect their reputation, including at work.

× I don't often wear jewellery because jewellery seems to be very expensive for me because I'm just a student.

✓ I don't often wear jewellery because jewellery seems to be very expensive for me as I'm just a student.

The sentence is grammatically correct in terms of singular and plural usage. However, 'because' is repeated unnecessarily, which affects sentence flow. Replacing the second 'because' with 'as' improves clarity and style.

× The price of this stuff is around 1000 or above and I cannot afford it.

✓ The price of this stuff is around 1000 or more, and I cannot afford it.

The phrase 'or above' is less natural than 'or more' when referring to price. Also, adding a comma before 'and' improves sentence structure.

× But I can see my brothers wear it because he has already become university.

✓ But I can see my brother wear it because he has already entered university.

'Brothers' is plural but followed by singular pronoun 'he', causing inconsistency. Changing 'brothers' to singular 'brother' matches the pronoun. Also, 'become university' is incorrect; 'entered university' is the correct expression.

× I like the jewelry of magnets because I think compared to other spaces like the.

✓ I like magnetic jewelry because I think, compared to other types, necklaces are far more convenient to wear and bring outside when you are exercising or doing other stuff.

The phrase 'jewelry of magnets' is incorrect; 'magnetic jewelry' is correct. 'Spaces like the' is incomplete and unclear; it should be 'other types'. Also, 'necklace' should be plural 'necklaces' to match the context. 'Bear' is incorrect; 'wear' is the correct verb here.

× Necklace is far more convenient to bear and bring outside when you are exercising or doing other stuff.

✓ Necklaces are far more convenient to wear and take outside when you are exercising or doing other activities.

'Bear' is incorrect in this context; 'wear' is the appropriate verb for jewelry. 'Bring outside' is better expressed as 'take outside'. Also, 'necklace' should be plural 'necklaces' to agree with the general statement.

× I don't usually buy jewelry of course because I am just undergraduate and I have not still doing some part time and I don't have any financial freedom.

✓ I don't usually buy jewelry, of course, because I am just an undergraduate and I am not yet doing any part-time work, so I don't have any financial freedom.

'Just undergraduate' lacks an article; it should be 'just an undergraduate'. 'Have not still doing' is incorrect; the correct form is 'am not yet doing'. 'Part time' should be hyphenated as 'part-time' when used as an adjective or noun.

× So if I want to buy a jewelry I need to do some buy some part time jobs at first.

✓ So if I want to buy jewelry, I need to do some part-time jobs first.

'A jewelry' is incorrect because 'jewelry' is an uncountable noun and does not take 'a'. 'Do some buy some' is redundant; 'do some' or 'buy some' should be used, but here 'do some part-time jobs' is correct. 'At first' is better expressed as 'first'.

× Because were wearing a piece of jewelry for a long time.

✓ Because wearing a piece of jewelry for a long time.

'Were wearing' is incorrect here; the sentence fragment should use the gerund 'wearing' to function as a noun phrase. The original phrase is incomplete and needs to be connected properly.

× So maybe she can show their wealthiness of their family.

✓ So maybe she can show the wealth of her family.

The pronouns 'she' and 'their' are inconsistent; 'she' is singular feminine, while 'their' is plural. Using 'her' matches the singular subject. Also, 'wealthiness' is not commonly used; 'wealth' is the correct noun.

× Because you know, some people are are quite superficial. They care about their appearance because their appearance may affect their reputation like their company reputation.

✓ Because, you know, some people are quite superficial. They care about their appearance because it may affect their reputation, such as their company's reputation.

The sentence has a repeated word 'are are' which is a typo. 'Their appearance may affect their reputation like their company reputation' is awkward; 'such as their company's reputation' is clearer. Also, adding commas improves readability.