Jewelry— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear due to grammatical errors and incorrect word choices, such as 'wearing Jerry' and 'collections of brains'. To improve, focus on using correct vocabulary and grammar, and keep your sentences concise and clear. Also, avoid redundancy and ensure your answer directly addresses the question.

例: Yes, I often wear jewelry because it enhances my style and makes me look more professional. For instance, I have several bracelets and necklaces at home that I choose depending on my outfit.

提案: There are several vocabulary mistakes and unclear phrases, such as 'type of journalist' and 'slipper'. To improve, use accurate vocabulary related to jewelry and provide clear, specific descriptions. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: I prefer simple and elegant jewelry, such as silver or gold necklaces. These pieces are versatile and can complement both formal office wear and casual outfits.

提案: Your answer contains grammatical errors and unclear expressions like 'high school school' and 'received me a breakthrough'. To improve, use correct grammar and vocabulary, and provide specific examples. Also, avoid redundancy and keep your answer concise.

例: Yes, I usually buy jewelry because I love it. I often visit shops on weekends to buy necklaces and bracelets. For example, my father gave me a beautiful necklace as a gift when I graduated from high school.

提案: Your answer is difficult to understand due to incorrect word choices and grammar, such as 'men written' and 'individual thing'. To improve, express your ideas clearly with correct grammar and vocabulary, and use linking words to organise your answer logically.

例: I think some people wear a piece of jewelry for a long time because it suits them well and boosts their confidence at work or when they go out. Sometimes, wearing familiar jewelry also makes them feel happier.

× I frequently wear wearing Jerry because I think it's have me more fashion and it's made me look more professional.

✓ I frequently wear jewelry because I think it makes me more fashionable and it makes me look more professional.

The phrase 'wear wearing Jerry' is incorrect; 'wear' should be followed by a noun, not a verb in -ing form. Also, 'Jerry' seems to be a typo for 'jewelry'. The verb 'have' is incorrectly used; 'makes me more fashionable' is correct. 'Fashion' is a noun, but here the adjective 'fashionable' is needed. The verb 'it's made me' should be 'it makes me' to maintain present tense consistency.

× For example, I have a lot of collections of brains and necklace at home that I like to rotate depending on my outfit.

✓ For example, I have a lot of collections of rings and necklaces at home that I like to rotate depending on my outfit.

The word 'brains' is a typo and should be 'rings'. Also, 'necklace' should be plural 'necklaces' to agree with 'collections' and the context of multiple items.

× Well, the type of journalist I always love is wearing a simple and elegant jewelry, including slipper or gold necklace.

✓ Well, the type of jewelry I always love is simple and elegant, including silver or gold necklaces.

'Journalist' is incorrect; it should be 'jewelry'. 'Wearing' is unnecessary here; the sentence should describe the type of jewelry. 'Slipper' is likely a typo for 'silver'. 'Necklace' should be plural 'necklaces' to match the list. The sentence structure is corrected to properly describe the jewelry type.

× Their parts are versatile and can complement both a formal office and culture.

✓ These pieces are versatile and can complement both a formal office environment and casual culture.

'Their parts' is unclear and incorrect; 'these pieces' refers properly to jewelry items. 'Culture' is vague; 'casual culture' or 'casual settings' is clearer. 'Formal office' should be 'formal office environment' for clarity.

× Definitely, just because I'm a jewellery lover, then I always go to supermarkets on the weekend to buy jewelry, especially the necklace and bracelets.

✓ Definitely, because I'm a jewellery lover, I always go to supermarkets on the weekend to buy jewelry, especially necklaces and bracelets.

The phrase 'just because' followed by 'then' is redundant; 'because' alone suffices. 'The necklace and bracelets' should be plural without 'the' as 'necklaces and bracelets' to indicate general items.

× And for example, when I have a high school school, my father often received me a breakthrough as a gift.

✓ For example, when I was in high school, my father often gave me a bracelet as a gift.

'When I have a high school school' is incorrect; it should be 'when I was in high school' to indicate past time. 'Received me a breakthrough' is incorrect; the correct verb is 'gave me a bracelet'. 'Breakthrough' is incorrect in this context; likely meant 'bracelet'.

× In my opinion, the men written that some people wear a piece of jewelry for a long time because individual thing is very suitable for them and it makes them more confident when they go out or at the work and sometimes jewelry is made individuals more happier.

✓ In my opinion, some people wear a piece of jewelry for a long time because the item is very suitable for them and it makes them more confident when they go out or at work. Sometimes, jewelry makes individuals happier.

The phrase 'the men written that' is unclear and incorrect; it is removed for clarity. 'Individual thing' should be 'the item' or 'the piece'. 'At the work' should be 'at work'. 'Jewelry is made individuals more happier' is incorrect; it should be 'jewelry makes individuals happier'. The sentence is split for clarity and grammatical correctness.