Jewelry— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and natural by avoiding repetition and irrelevant details. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then add specific supporting details using linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I often wear jewelry during religious festivals with my family because it is a traditional practice in Indian culture. For example, I like to wear heavy jewelry that complements my festive attire.

提案: Focus on clear and accurate vocabulary, avoid filler words, and organize your answer logically. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide specific examples of jewelry you like.

例: I like various types of jewelry such as necklaces and bangles. I usually wear them during religious festivals because they enhance my appearance and I often receive compliments when I wear them.

提案: Avoid hesitation and repetition to make your answer more fluent. Use past tense correctly and provide specific details about your recent purchase with linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I usually buy jewelry for festivals. Recently, I bought a necklace and earrings for the Navratri festival, which I really liked. I received many compliments when I wore them.

提案: Improve clarity by organizing your ideas logically and avoiding filler words. Use linking words to connect your points and provide specific reasons why people might wear jewelry for a long time.

例: Some people wear jewelry for a long time because it was gifted by someone special, so it holds sentimental value. For instance, I wear jewelry gifted by my mother for months because it reminds me of her.

× Whenever I have to go out with my family on a religious festival like an Indian festival.

✓ Whenever I have to go out with my family for a religious festival like an Indian festival.

The preposition 'on' is incorrect when referring to attending a festival; 'for' is the appropriate preposition to indicate purpose or occasion.

× Usually Indian people like to wear heavy, heavy jewellery and I also like to wear that dress.

✓ Usually, Indian people like to wear heavy jewellery, and I also like to wear that kind of dress.

The repetition of 'heavy' is unnecessary and awkward; also, 'that dress' is vague, so 'that kind of dress' clarifies the meaning.

× I like so many types of chili like necklace, Bengals earrings, uh, etcetera.

✓ I like many types of jewelry like necklaces, bangles, earrings, etcetera.

'So many' is informal and less appropriate here; 'many' is better. Also, 'chili' is incorrect; it should be 'jewelry'. 'Bengals' is likely a mispronunciation of 'bangles'. The nouns should be plural to match 'types'.

× I like to wear jewelry which which make me uh, beautiful and I get so many compliments whenever I wear the jewelry.

✓ I like to wear jewelry which makes me beautiful, and I get many compliments whenever I wear it.

The relative pronoun 'which' refers to singular 'jewelry' and requires singular verb 'makes'. Also, 'so many' is informal; 'many' is better. Repetition of 'the jewelry' is unnecessary; 'it' is more natural.

× Recently I buy jewelry for Navratri festival, uh, which I, I got so much good experience by that.

✓ Recently, I bought jewelry for the Navratri festival, which gave me a very good experience.

The verb 'buy' should be in past tense 'bought' to match 'recently'. Also, 'got so much good experience by that' is awkward; 'gave me a very good experience' is clearer.

× It was a necklace and some wearings, uh, which I like most and I get so many compliments from people when I, when I wear that.

✓ It was a necklace and some earrings, which I like the most, and I get many compliments from people when I wear them.

'Wearings' is incorrect; the correct word is 'earrings'. 'So many' is informal; 'many' is better. 'That' should be 'them' to refer to plural items.

× Usually saw some people, uh, wear the jewellery for a long time, like 1 earrings they're wearing for months, uh, because I think they gifted from someone and something is addicted to them like they're wearing for months.

✓ Usually, I see some people wear jewelry for a long time, like one pair of earrings they have been wearing for months, because I think they were gifted by someone and they are attached to them, so they wear them for months.

'Saw' should be 'see' to match present tense. '1 earrings' is incorrect; it should be 'one pair of earrings'. 'Gifted from' should be 'gifted by'. 'Something is addicted to them' is incorrect; 'they are attached to them' is appropriate.

× I also used to wear jewelry for long time and because it is gifted by my mother.

✓ I also usually wear jewelry for a long time because it was gifted by my mother.

'Used to' implies past habit, but context suggests present habit, so 'usually wear' is better. 'For long time' needs article 'a'. 'Is gifted' should be past tense 'was gifted'.