Jewelry— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition ("jewelry" twice), use correct articles and plurals, and limit to 3–4 sentences. Add a linking word when giving an example.

例: I don't often wear jewelry, but I do on special occasions. For example, I sometimes wear earrings and a ring because they complement my outfit. Overall, small pieces help improve my appearance for social events.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct vocabulary errors. Use a clear topic sentence naming the types you prefer (e.g., rings, bracelets), explain why, and give a specific example using correct tense and word order. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use linking words ('because', 'for example').

例: I particularly prefer wearing rings and simple bracelets because they make my hands look neat. I often buy affordable rings at local markets, and I also enjoy giving them as gifts. For example, last month I bought a pair of matching rings for my best friend and his girlfriend.

提案: Use correct tense and smoother phrasing. Begin with a direct response, then explain frequency and give a specific recent example. Avoid repetition and article errors ('a a', 'a pair of ring').

例: No, I don't usually buy jewelry. However, I buy pieces for special occasions; for example, I purchased a pair of rings and matching earrings for my friend's wedding last month to complete my outfit.

提案: Improve grammar and coherence. Start with a general statement, then give specific reasons with linking words ('for example', 'also'). Use correct verb forms and clearer vocabulary (e.g., 'religious reasons' instead of 'recommended by priest'). Limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: It depends on the person. Some people keep jewelry for sentimental reasons because it reminds them of loved ones, and others wear the same piece for cultural or religious reasons; for example, a priest may bless a necklace that a person then wears permanently.

× To be honest, I'm not very fond of jewelry but I do wear jewelry.

✓ To be honest, I'm not very fond of jewelry, but I do wear some.

The sentence repeats the noun 'jewelry' causing awkwardness; 'some' is a more natural modifier for uncountable nouns like 'jewelry'. Add a comma before 'but' to join two independent clauses. Suggestion: use 'some' or repeat with variety to avoid redundancy.

× For instance, sometime I wear earrings and rings, but on occasion I also wear bracelet which helps me to improve my overall looks and personality.

✓ For instance, sometimes I wear earrings and rings, but on occasion I also wear a bracelet, which helps to improve my overall look and personality.

Errors: 'sometime' should be 'sometimes' (frequency adverb); 'bracelet' needs an article 'a' because it is singular countable; 'helps me to improve my overall looks' is awkward — 'helps to improve my overall look' is clearer. Add a comma before the nonrestrictive clause 'which helps...'.

× Jewelry do you like particularly like to wear drinks because I feel it can improve the looks of my hand.

✓ I particularly like to wear rings because I feel they can improve the appearance of my hands.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and confused: 'Jewelry do you like particularly like to wear drinks' mixes question word order and wrong vocabulary 'drinks'. Rephrase as a clear subject-verb structure. Use 'rings' (countable) or 'they' to agree with plural; 'appearance of my hands' is natural. Suggestion: form statements with subject + verb + object in correct order.

× I tend to buy rings from the market and I also like to give them.

✓ I tend to buy rings at the market and I also like to give them as gifts.

Preposition 'from' is acceptable but 'at the market' is more natural here; pronoun 'them' needs clarification — add 'as gifts' to show the action. Suggestion: clarify pronoun references and use natural prepositions.

× For example, last month our gift a pair of ring to my best friend for him and his girlfriend.

✓ For example, last month I gave a pair of rings to my best friend and his girlfriend as a gift.

The sentence has wrong word order and missing verb. Use past tense 'gave' for completed action. 'Pair of ring' should be 'pair of rings'. Place 'as a gift' at the end for clarity. Suggestion: ensure subject + past verb + object order and correct plural forms.

× No, I do not usually buy jewelry, but I buy jewelry when I want to go on some occasion.

✓ No, I do not usually buy jewelry, but I buy it when I have a special occasion to attend.

Repetition of 'buy jewelry' is awkward; use pronoun 'it'. 'Go on some occasion' is unnatural — use 'have a special occasion to attend'. Maintain present simple for habitual actions. Suggestion: replace redundant nouns with pronouns and use natural expressions for events.

× For example, last month it was on my friend's marriage.

✓ For example, last month was my friend's wedding.

'It was on my friend's marriage' is ungrammatical and unnatural. Use 'was my friend's wedding' to describe the occasion. 'Wedding' is the correct noun in English; avoid 'marriage' when referring to the event.

× I buy a a pair of ring as well as earrings which helps my looks to improve.

✓ I bought a pair of rings as well as earrings, which helped improve my appearance.

Use past tense 'bought' for last month (past event). 'A a' is typo; 'pair of ring' should be 'pair of rings'. 'Which helps my looks to improve' should be past and more natural: 'which helped improve my appearance'. Also add comma before 'which'.

× It's depend on people to people.

✓ It depends from person to person.

Verb 'depend' requires third-person singular 'depends'. The phrase is 'from person to person' or 'on person to person'. Correct subject-verb agreement and use idiomatic expression. Suggestion: 'It depends from person to person' or 'It depends on the person'.

× Some people like to wear a particular piece of jewelry because it's helps them to look better.

✓ Some people like to wear a particular piece of jewelry because it helps them look better.

Do not use both 'it's' and 'helps' together; use 'it helps'. Also 'look better' is more natural than 'to look better'. Ensure third-person singular 'helps' agrees with subject 'it'.

× But sometimes it's recommended by priest to them, that's why they were piece of jewelry for a long time.

✓ But sometimes a priest recommends it to them, which is why they wear a piece of jewelry for a long time.

Original mixes passive and wrong tenses: 'it's recommended by priest to them' is awkward; active 'a priest recommends it to them' is clearer. 'they were piece of jewelry' uses wrong verb and structure; use 'they wear a piece of jewelry'. Use present simple for habitual action. Suggestion: keep consistent voice and correct verb forms.