Geography— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce fillers (umm) and be more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repeating the same idea (e.g., “specifically” twice).

例: I really enjoy geography because it helps me understand global issues. For example, I’m especially interested in natural disasters, such as earthquakes and tsunamis, and I studied geography at A-level for nearly two years to learn more about these topics.

提案: Begin with a direct statement, then use linking words to add a specific reason and an example. Use more varied vocabulary (e.g., “human-related issues” instead of “human centered problems”).

例: Yes, I think geography is very useful because it links physical processes and human activities. For instance, learning about plate tectonics helps explain earthquakes, and studying human geography helps us understand migration and urban growth.

提案: Good structure. Make the timeframe and a specific example clearer with a linking word. Avoid minor wordiness and be slightly more concise.

例: Yes. I studied geography for six years in high school. In Form 4 I focused on global issues like globalization and industrialization, which in turn sparked my interest in economics.

提案: Be concise and avoid unnecessary self-deprecating remarks. State your preference clearly, give one main reason, and use a linking word for an additional brief explanation. Replace vague phrases like “quite stressful” with specific reasons.

例: No, I don’t want to be a geography teacher because my long-term goal is to become a doctor. Also, teaching requires strong classroom communication, which I feel is not my strength right now.

提案: Make your commitment sound natural by using a clear, concise statement followed by specific examples linked logically. Avoid hedging words like “maybe” and repetitive phrasing.

例: Yes, I will definitely continue studying the geography of other countries. For example, I want to learn more about plate tectonics and volcanic activity in the Pacific Ring of Fire, and I’m also interested in human geography topics such as migration patterns and population density.

× I was specifically fascinated by umm, global issues, specifically natural disasters and the general world around us.

✓ I was specifically fascinated by, umm, global issues, specifically natural disasters and the general world around me.

The original uses 'around us' which is not ungrammatical but inconsistent with the speaker's perspective after 'I was fascinated'. Using 'around me' matches the first-person singular subject. This is a pronoun perspective issue best fixed by using the correct present participle context for continuous feeling: use 'around me' to keep the subject consistent.

× In fact, I studied geography for nearly two years, umm, at a level.

✓ In fact, I studied geography for nearly two years, umm, at A level.

The term 'A level' is a fixed proper noun for a qualification and should be capitalized and written without the article 'a' before 'level'. This is an article/terminology error: use 'A level' to refer to the qualification correctly.

× I do believe geography is useful as it covers a range of topics from the natural world to human centered problems.

✓ I do believe geography is useful, as it covers a range of topics from the natural world to human-centered problems.

The sentence largely has correct tense, but 'human centered' needs a hyphen to form the compound adjective modifying 'problems'. This falls under present tense/usage and adjective formation: use 'human-centered' for clarity and correctness.

× It allows an individual to be more informed about topics such as plate tectonics and how the world works.

✓ It allows an individual to be more informed about topics such as plate tectonics and about how the world works.

Parallelism with 'about topics such as X and about Y' improves clarity. This is a preposition and parallel structure issue: repeat 'about' to make the sentence balanced.

× I have learned geography for the past six years I've been in high school.

✓ I have been learning geography for the past six years since I've been in high school.

The original mixes 'I have learned' with a duration phrase awkwardly. Use the present perfect progressive 'have been learning' to emphasize an action continuing over a period. Also add 'since' to link the duration to 'I've been in high school.' This is a tense usage correction.

× My favorite period of studying geography was in Form 4, where I learned more about global issues such as globalization and industrialization, which sparked my interest in economics as well.

✓ My favorite period of studying geography was in Form 4, where I learned more about global issues such as globalization and industrialization, which also sparked my interest in economics.

The original is acceptable, but reordering 'also' gives a more natural flow in English. This is a preposition/word-order usage improvement: place 'also' before the verb phrase it modifies for clarity.

× My lifelong aspiration was to become a doctor.

✓ My lifelong aspiration has been to become a doctor.

If the aspiration continues into the present, use present perfect 'has been' rather than simple past 'was'. This fixes the tense to match ongoing intent.

× I wanted to be a doctor ever since I was three years old, so I would prefer to work towards that goal.

✓ I have wanted to be a doctor ever since I was three years old, so I prefer to work towards that goal.

Use present perfect 'have wanted' for a desire that began in the past and continues now. Also 'would prefer' implies conditionality; 'prefer' is more direct for current intention. This corrects tense and modality.

× Being a teacher is quite stressful as I do not have strong communication skills to work with the children.

✓ Being a teacher is quite stressful, as I do not have strong communication skills to work with children.

Use 'children' without 'the' when speaking generally. This is a pronoun/article usage issue: drop the definite article for general reference.

× Geography as a subject really entices me, so it is guaranteed that I will learn more about geography of other nations, specifically focused on plate tectonics and natural disasters such as volcanoes in the Pacific, Ring of Fire, and maybe more human centered issues such as migration and population.

✓ Geography as a subject really entices me, so it is guaranteed that I will learn more about the geography of other nations, specifically focusing on plate tectonics and natural disasters such as volcanoes in the Pacific Ring of Fire, and perhaps more human-centered issues such as migration and population.

Add 'the' before 'geography of other nations' for correct reference. Use 'focusing' instead of 'focused' to match the intended participle. 'Pacific Ring of Fire' is a fixed name and should not have a comma between 'Pacific' and 'Ring of Fire.' 'Perhaps' is more natural than 'maybe' here. Hyphenate 'human-centered.' These are article, participle, punctuation and adjective formation corrections.