Flowers— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and natural by avoiding redundancy and filler words. Also, organize your ideas clearly with linking words to improve coherence. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then add supporting details logically.

例: Yes, I love flowers very much. When I grow up, I want to have a garden full of various flowers on my terrace. My mother is a gardener and knows a lot about taking care of different plants, so I would ask her for advice if I face any problems.

提案: Your answer is a bit long and unclear in parts. Use simpler and clearer sentences, and avoid vague phrases like 'its power'. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Yes, my mother loves flowers and is very experienced in taking care of them. She knows which fertilizers to use to help them grow. Seeing the colorful flowers around her makes her feel calm and happy.

提案: Avoid repetition and unclear phrases like 'races of different kinds'. Use clear and simple vocabulary, and organize your answer with linking words to make it more natural and effective.

例: Yes, because of my mother's love for flowers, our house is full of many kinds of colorful flowers and plants. You can see flowers in every part of the house, which makes it very beautiful.

提案: Your answer is unclear and incomplete. Try to give a direct response first, then add details with clear linking words. Avoid filler words and incomplete sentences. Also, use correct vocabulary and grammar.

例: Yes, I often take photos of flowers using my iPod and professional cameras. I usually visit large flower parks in my country to take many pictures. I also learn from professionals and online resources to improve my photography skills.

提案: Avoid filler sounds like 'UH' and unclear phrases like 'buckets of flowers'. Use correct vocabulary such as 'bouquets'. Also, organize your answer with linking words and be more concise.

例: Yes, it is popular among young people in my country to send flowers after dates, especially from men to women. Women love receiving beautiful bouquets of flowers like lavender or roses, and they often display them in nice places at home.

× I adore flowers, and I like to have a garden full of flowers when I grow up in my terrace.

✓ I adore flowers, and I like to have a garden full of flowers on my terrace when I grow up.

The preposition 'in' is incorrectly used with 'terrace'. The correct preposition is 'on' because a terrace is a flat area on the outside of a building. Also, the phrase 'when I grow up in my terrace' is awkward; it should be 'on my terrace when I grow up' to indicate location and time properly.

× she has lots of information on plants and taking care of them in different species of them.

✓ she has lots of information on plants and taking care of different species of them.

The preposition 'in' is incorrectly used before 'different species of them'. The phrase should be 'taking care of different species of them' without 'in' to correctly express the idea.

× And my mother was also a gardener, so she has lots of information on plants and taking care of them in different species of them.

✓ And my mother was also a gardener, so she has lots of information on plants and taking care of different species of them.

The pronoun 'them' is repeated unnecessarily, causing confusion. Removing the second 'them' clarifies the sentence.

× And my mother was also a gardener, so she has lots of information on plants and taking care of them in different species of them.

✓ And my mother was also a gardener, so she has lots of information on plants and taking care of different species.

The phrase 'different species of them' is redundant; 'different species' suffices. The pronoun 'them' is unnecessary here.

× So I'd like to ask her some, uh, questions about it if I ever find any problem with taking care.

✓ So I'd like to ask her some, uh, questions about it if I ever find any problem with taking care of them.

The phrase 'taking care' is incomplete without an object. Adding 'of them' clarifies what is being taken care of.

× My mother is a flower lover and she's so experienced with taking care of them and what pills to give them in order for them to grow up and see her being surrounded by its power and its beautiful colors and making her calm down, it's amazing.

✓ My mother is a flower lover and she's very experienced in taking care of them and knowing what pills to give them in order for them to grow, and seeing her surrounded by their power and beautiful colors makes her calm down; it's amazing.

The preposition 'with' should be 'in' when referring to experience. Also, 'grow up' is better as 'grow' for plants. The pronoun 'its' should be 'their' to agree with the plural 'flowers'. The sentence is also restructured for clarity.

× My mother's endless love for flowers has made our house full of flowers and races of different kinds of flowers and plants and apartment plants, which every part of the house, when you look at it, it's full of flowers, colorful flowers.

✓ My mother's endless love for flowers has made our house full of flowers and varieties of different kinds of flowers and plants, including apartment plants; every part of the house, when you look at it, is full of colorful flowers.

The word 'races' is incorrect; the correct word is 'varieties' when referring to different kinds. Also, the sentence is restructured for clarity and subject-verb agreement ('every part... is').

× IPods and professional cameras so I could just take pictures of flowers with skies and everything else.

✓ I use iPods and professional cameras so I can take pictures of flowers with skies and everything else.

The original sentence lacks a subject and verb, making it incomplete. Adding 'I use' and changing 'could' to 'can' corrects the sentence structure and tense.

× So I usually go to big, uh, flower parks in our country and visit them and take many photos as I can.

✓ So I usually go to big, uh, flower parks in our country, visit them, and take as many photos as I can.

The phrase 'take many photos as I can' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'take as many photos as I can'. Also, commas improve readability.

× I ask for professionals and I search them up so I could know how to make them seem more very.

✓ I ask professionals and look them up so I can learn how to make the photos look better.

The phrase 'ask for professionals' is incorrect; it should be 'ask professionals'. 'Search them up' is informal and awkward; 'look them up' is better. 'Make them seem more very' is incorrect; 'make the photos look better' is clearer.

× I ask for professionals and I search them up so I could know how to make them seem more very.

✓ I ask professionals and look them up so I can learn how to make the photos look better.

The modal verb 'could' is incorrectly used here; 'can' is appropriate to express ability or possibility in the present.

× It is now popular with Young's UH to send flowers after dates to each other, especially from men to women.

✓ It is now popular with young people to send flowers to each other after dates, especially from men to women.

The phrase 'Young's UH' is unclear and incorrect; it should be 'young people'. Also, 'send flowers after dates to each other' is better as 'send flowers to each other after dates' for clarity.

× And women just adore receiving beautiful buckets of flowers, bouquets of flowers, and you could always see these beautiful bouquets of lavenders or roses around their houses on a beautiful place.

✓ And women just adore receiving beautiful bouquets of flowers, and you can always see these beautiful bouquets of lavender or roses displayed beautifully around their houses.

The word 'buckets' is incorrect; the correct term is 'bouquets'. 'Lavenders' should be 'lavender' as it is uncountable in this context. 'On a beautiful place' is incorrect; 'displayed beautifully around their houses' is clearer.