Writing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be careful with word choice and tense consistency. Use a clear topic sentence then one or two concise supporting details. Replace incorrect words (e.g., "source") with the intended word ("thoughts" or "ideas") and keep verbs consistent (use present simple: "helps" not "helped").

例: Yes, I write every morning because I keep a diary. Writing helps me clear my mind and organize my thoughts, and I usually list three main tasks I must finish that day.

提案: Avoid repetition and check word choice. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give a specific reason with linking words (e.g., "because", "so"). Correct phrasing: use "write down" or "list" instead of "wait". Reduce redundancy (avoid repeating 'for the day').

例: I prefer writing in a diary because it makes me more productive. For example, I list three main tasks each morning so I can plan and prioritize my day.

提案: Clarify and avoid repetition. Use accurate grammar ("things" and plural agreement) and concise linking phrases. Remove duplicate phrases and correct structure: "when I'm happy I write about..." Also replace "it's depending on" with "it depends on".

例: Yes, what I write changes daily because my mood and experiences vary. For example, when I'm happy I write about good events, but when I'm upset I record my worries.

提案: Use precise vocabulary and avoid incorrect words. Replace "deflect on my emotions" with "reflect on my emotions." Keep sentences concise and avoid redundancy (don't repeat 'every morning' if already mentioned).

例: I prefer handwriting because I remember information better and can reflect on my emotions more effectively, so I write in my diary by hand each morning.

提案: Watch capitalization and article use. Make the answer direct: state frequency then one or two concise reasons. Combine similar ideas to avoid repetition (clear my mind / organize my thoughts are fine once). Use 'three' instead of numeral for spoken style.

例: I keep a diary every morning right after I wake up. It clears my mind and helps me organize and prioritize my tasks, and I usually write three main tasks to complete that day.

提案: Improve grammar and specificity. Use correct verb forms and plural/singular ("when I travel" not "go trip"). Give one clear example and avoid vague phrasing like "the time I feel excited."

例: I often take photos to record my life because they help me remember exciting moments. For example, when I travel with my family I bring my camera to photograph special moments together.

× By writing in a diary I can clear my mind and organize my source, which helped me stay more productive during the day.

✓ By writing in a diary I can clear my mind and organize my thoughts, which helps me stay more productive during the day.

The clause 'which helped me' mixes past tense with present-tense context. The main sentence speaks about a habitual present action ('I can clear', 'I can organize'), so the relative clause should use present tense 'helps' not past 'helped'. Also 'source' is incorrect word choice; 'thoughts' fits the context. Suggestion: keep verb tenses consistent and choose appropriate nouns for meaning.

× And I usually write 3 main tasks I must finish by the end of the day.

✓ And I usually write three main tasks that I must finish by the end of the day.

This sentence lacks a relative connector; include 'that' to link 'tasks' and the clause 'I must finish'. Also write numbers in words in formal speech. The issue matches present participle/punctuation category because the clause was missing proper structure—adding 'that' creates a correct relative clause.

× I usually wait three main tasks I must finish for the day and by doing so I can plan and prioritize my tasks for the day.

✓ I usually write three main tasks I must finish for the day, and by doing so I can plan and prioritize them.

The verb 'wait' is incorrect in this context; the intended verb is 'write'. Also the sentence repeats 'for the day' and 'my tasks' unnecessarily. Simplify structure and use correct verb to convey meaning: 'write' instead of 'wait' and replace repeated noun with pronoun 'them'.

× I think the thing I write would change every day because my mood and experiences change from day-to-day.

✓ I think the things I write change every day because my mood and experiences change from day to day.

'Thing' should be plural 'things' to match 'every day' and the plural subject 'mood and experiences' influencing multiple entries. Also 'would change' implies conditional or hypothetical; use simple present 'change' for habitual action. Avoid hyphen in 'day to day' when used as an adverbial phrase.

× So for example, when I'm happy and when I'm happy I write about good things, but when I'm disappointed I write about my worries.

✓ For example, when I'm happy I write about good things, but when I'm disappointed I write about my worries.

The original repeats 'when I'm happy' unnecessarily. This is a redundancy and conjunction misuse. Remove the repeated phrase to make the sentence concise and grammatically correct.

× So it's depending on my mood.

✓ So it depends on my mood.

'It's depending' uses progressive form incorrectly with stative verb 'depend'. Use simple present 'depends' for habitual/state meaning. Also 'it' refers to the previous idea; this is correct pronoun usage after correction.

× I prefer handwriting to typing because I can remember the information better and I can deflect on my emotions more effectively, so I usually write in a diary by hand every morning.

✓ I prefer handwriting to typing because I can remember information better and I can reflect on my emotions more effectively, so I usually write in a diary by hand every morning.

'Deflect on my emotions' is incorrect collocation; the correct verb is 'reflect on'. Also 'the information' is unnecessary; use 'information' in general. This fixes word choice and preposition usage.

× I often keep Diaries every morning right after I wake up.

✓ I often keep a diary every morning right after I wake up.

'Diaries' is plural and capitalized incorrectly. The intended meaning is a single diary habit, so use singular 'a diary'. Also do not capitalize 'diaries'. Ensure article 'a' is used for singular countable nouns.

× By doing so, I can clear my mind and organize my thoughts, which helps me stay much more productive.

✓ By doing so, I can clear my mind and organize my thoughts, which helps me stay more productive.

'Much more productive' is grammatical but wordy; 'more productive' is idiomatic. Tense 'helps' is correct present. This revision improves naturalness by removing redundant modifier.

× Typically I write 3 main tasks I have to finish.

✓ Typically I write three main tasks I have to finish.

No tense error, but write out the numeral in speech/text 'three'. This adheres to formal writing conventions. The sentence structure is otherwise fine.

× I usually take pictures to record my life because looking at those pictures later helps me remember the time I feel excited.

✓ I usually take pictures to record my life because looking at those pictures later helps me remember times when I felt excited.

The original 'the time I feel excited' is ungrammatical and mixes tenses. Use plural 'times' for multiple occasions and past 'felt' or present depending on context; here past 'felt' is natural when recalling memories. Also add 'when' to introduce the time clause.

× So especially when I go trip with my family, I bring my favorite camera to take a picture of my families.

✓ So especially when I go on a trip with my family, I bring my favorite camera to take pictures of my family.

Missing preposition 'on' after 'go' is incorrect; use 'go on a trip'. 'Family' is a collective noun—use singular 'my family' not 'my families'. Also pluralize 'picture' to 'pictures' for multiple photos. These fixes correct preposition and noun number errors.