Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and clear by using correct grammar and avoiding redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add specific details using linking words to improve coherence. For example, explain why you prefer eating snacks in the evening and what kind of snacks you eat.

例: I usually eat snacks in the evening because it helps me relax after a long day. For instance, I like to have some biscuits with tea while watching TV or reading a book. This habit started a few years ago and has become part of my daily routine.

提案: Improve your answer by using correct verb tenses and clearer sentence structures. Use linking words to connect ideas logically and provide specific reasons and consequences. Avoid repetition and be concise.

例: I don't think eating snacks is healthy because many contain high sugar and fat, which can cause diabetes and other health problems. Moreover, I tend to eat mindlessly while watching TV or reading, which can lead to weight gain.

提案: Focus on clear and grammatically correct sentences. Avoid repetition and clarify your ideas. Use linking words to connect your reasons and preferences logically.

例: I didn't often eat snacks when I was young because my parents were strict about unhealthy food. Instead, I preferred eating fruits and vegetables, so we usually didn't have snacks at home.

提案: Make your answer more natural by using correct sentence structure and avoiding repetition. Use linking words to explain your preferences clearly and provide specific reasons.

例: I like to eat yogurt and granola bars because they give me energy throughout the day. Therefore, I prefer snacks that contain nuts and fruits, such as a fruit sandwich, to stay active.

× I usually eat snacks in the evening because during after it gives me a relaxation after a long time.

✓ I usually eat snacks in the evening because after a long time, it gives me relaxation.

The phrase 'during after' is incorrect and redundant. The correct order is to say 'after a long time' to indicate the time elapsed before relaxation. Also, 'a relaxation' should be 'relaxation' as it is an uncountable noun here.

× So in the evening while watching TV or reading books I usually eat snacks with a tea.

✓ So in the evening, while watching TV or reading books, I usually eat snacks with tea.

The article 'a' before 'tea' is incorrect because 'tea' is an uncountable noun when referring to the drink in general. Therefore, no article is needed.

× And it was it is a habit start.

✓ And it is a habit that started.

The original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. The correction clarifies that the habit has started, using the present tense 'is' and past tense 'started' appropriately.

× I didn't think it is healthy for me to eat snacks because it has high sugar, high fats.

✓ I don't think it is healthy for me to eat snacks because they have high sugar and high fat.

The modal verb 'didn't think' is incorrect here because the speaker is expressing a current opinion, so 'don't think' is appropriate. Also, 'it has' should be 'they have' to agree with the plural 'snacks'. 'High fats' should be 'high fat' as 'fat' is uncountable in this context.

× It will lead to leads to diabetic issues and health issues.

✓ It can lead to diabetic issues and health problems.

The phrase 'will lead to leads to' is redundant and incorrect. Using 'can lead to' expresses possibility. Also, 'health issues' is better expressed as 'health problems' for clarity.

× So while watching TV or reading books, I often eat mindless eating and it will lead to another tummy.

✓ So while watching TV or reading books, I often eat mindlessly, and it can lead to gaining weight.

'Eat mindless eating' is incorrect; the adverb form 'mindlessly' should be used. 'Lead to another tummy' is unclear; 'gaining weight' is a clearer expression.

× I didn't eat snacks when I was young because my parents were strict strict to heal to heal unhealthy snacks and I'm not interested in the snacks that I preferred fruits and vegetables rather than snacks and we didn't have.

✓ I didn't eat snacks when I was young because my parents were strict about unhealthy snacks, and I wasn't interested in snacks. I preferred fruits and vegetables instead, and we didn't have snacks at home.

The original sentence has repetition and unclear phrases. 'Strict strict to heal to heal' is incorrect; it should be 'strict about unhealthy snacks'. The tense consistency is maintained by using past tense verbs. The sentence is restructured for clarity.

× I would like to eat yogurt because granola bar because it helps me to increase my energy, my energy and throughout the day it helps me to increase more active in that day.

✓ I would like to eat yogurt and granola bars because they help me increase my energy throughout the day and make me more active.

The original sentence is repetitive and ungrammatical. 'Because granola bar because' is incorrect; it should be 'and granola bars because'. The phrase 'increase more active' is incorrect; 'make me more active' is correct.

× So I would prefer the snacks with nuts and fruit sandwich.

✓ So I would prefer snacks with nuts and fruit sandwiches.

The article 'the' before 'snacks' is unnecessary here. Also, 'fruit sandwich' should be plural 'fruit sandwiches' to match the plural 'snacks'.