Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear but could be more concise and natural. Avoid redundancy such as "I will also eat them as well" and try to use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, you could say "I usually eat snacks whenever I feel hungry or sometimes when I'm feeling sad, as it helps me feel happier and relieves stress."

例: I usually eat snacks whenever I feel hungry. Additionally, if I'm feeling sad, I might have some to cheer myself up and reduce stress.

提案: Your answer addresses both physical and mental health, which is good, but the sentence structure is a bit awkward and could be clearer. Use linking words like "however" to contrast ideas and avoid filler phrases like "I mean." For example, "It depends; physically, snacks are not very healthy because they often contain sugar and artificial ingredients. However, they can be beneficial for mental health as they make me feel happier."

例: It depends; physically, snacks are not very healthy because they often contain sugar and artificial ingredients. However, they can be beneficial for mental health as they make me feel happier.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Use past simple tense consistently and avoid repetition. Also, try to add linking words for coherence. For example, "When I was young, my mother was very strict and limited how many snacks I could eat each day, so I didn't often eat many snacks."

例: When I was young, my mother was very strict and limited how many snacks I could eat each day, so I didn't often eat many snacks.

提案: Your answer is unclear and lacks coherence. Try to organise your ideas logically and use specific vocabulary. Avoid vague phrases like "something more different" and clarify your preferences. For example, "I enjoy a variety of snacks throughout the year. Usually, I eat chocolate, snack bars, or sometimes healthier options like salad."

例: I enjoy a variety of snacks throughout the year. Usually, I eat chocolate, snack bars, or sometimes healthier options like salad.

× As long as I feel hungry I will just eat them or when I feel sad I will also eat them as well to make me feel happier or to relieve my stress.

✓ As long as I feel hungry, I will just eat them, or when I feel sad, I will also eat them to make myself feel happier or to relieve my stress.

The modal verb 'will' is correctly used to express future intention. However, the sentence needs commas for clarity and 'as well' is redundant when 'also' is used. Additionally, 'to make me feel happier' should be 'to make myself feel happier' to use the correct reflexive pronoun.

× surely is not really good for your health because it contains sugar or some non natural ingredients

✓ surely it is not really good for your health because it contains sugar or some non-natural ingredients

The sentence is missing the subject 'it' after 'surely'. The phrase 'non natural' should be hyphenated as 'non-natural' because it is a compound adjective before a noun.

× When I was young, I was being restricted for eating too much snacks, especially because of my mom.

✓ When I was young, I was restricted from eating too many snacks, especially because of my mom.

The past continuous passive 'was being restricted' is incorrect here; simple past passive 'was restricted' is appropriate. The preposition 'for' should be 'from' after 'restricted'. Also, 'too much snacks' is incorrect; 'too many snacks' is correct because 'snacks' is countable.

× She is a very strict person and she limits my consumption of snacks of each day.

✓ She is a very strict person and she limits my consumption of snacks each day.

The phrase 'of each day' is incorrect; 'each day' alone is sufficient and correct. The preposition 'of' is unnecessary here.

× I like different kinds of snacks, including some healthier or some. All the year it depends.

✓ I like different kinds of snacks, including some healthier ones. It depends on the time of year.

The sentence 'including some healthier or some' is incomplete and unclear. Adding 'ones' clarifies the meaning. 'All the year it depends' is awkward; 'It depends on the time of year' is clearer and grammatically correct.

× For snacks I usually eat chocolate or something more different.

✓ For snacks, I usually eat chocolate or something different.

'More different' is incorrect because 'different' is an absolute adjective and cannot be compared. Simply using 'different' is correct.

× When I was young, I was being restricted for eating too much snacks, especially because of my mom.

✓ When I was young, I was restricted from eating too many snacks, especially because of my mom.

'Too much' is used with uncountable nouns, but 'snacks' is countable, so 'too many' is correct.