Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer clearer and more natural by avoiding filler words and repeating phrases. Also, use correct grammar and be concise. For example, say when and why you eat snacks directly, and avoid unclear phrases like 'reduce package'.

例: I usually eat snacks when I have an extra class because it helps me recharge my energy and stay focused.

提案: Focus on clear and grammatically correct sentences. Avoid confusing phrases like 'green wine'. Use linking words to connect ideas logically and be specific about your opinion.

例: I think eating too many snacks is unhealthy because they contain a lot of sugar, which can lead to weight gain. Therefore, I try to limit how often I eat snacks.

提案: Use correct verb tenses and avoid filler words. Make your answer more coherent by structuring it with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Avoid unclear words like 'foreign dad'.

例: Yes, I often ate snacks when I was a child because they were delicious and sweet. I especially remember my mom buying snacks for me after school.

提案: Be clear and avoid confusing words like 'foreign' and 'squid'. Use linking words to connect your ideas and explain why you like certain snacks. Keep your sentences concise and grammatically correct.

例: I like to eat chocolate because it contains sugar that gives me energy. Also, eating chocolate helps me reduce stress after a busy study schedule.

× I usually eat snack when I have a extra class in order to help me help me reduce, uh, LA reduce package and I usually recharge my batteries.

✓ I usually eat snacks when I have an extra class in order to help me reduce, uh, LA reduce package and I usually recharge my batteries.

The word 'snack' should be plural 'snacks' because it refers to general instances of eating snacks, not a single snack. Also, 'a extra class' is incorrect because 'extra' starts with a vowel sound, so it should be 'an extra class'. These corrections improve grammatical accuracy and naturalness.

× I usually eat snack when I have a extra class in order to help me help me reduce, uh, LA reduce package and I usually recharge my batteries.

✓ I usually eat snacks when I have an extra class to help me reduce, uh, LA reduce package and I usually recharge my batteries.

The phrase 'in order to help me help me reduce' is redundant and awkward. Simplifying to 'to help me reduce' is clearer and grammatically correct. Also, 'help me reduce' is the correct prepositional phrase here.

× Oh well, I think it is unhealthy for me to consume too much snacks for that.

✓ Oh well, I think it is unhealthy for me to consume too many snacks for that.

'Much' is used with uncountable nouns, while 'many' is used with countable nouns like 'snacks'. Therefore, 'too many snacks' is correct instead of 'too much snacks'.

× Snacks contain more uh sugar, so that green wine is make me become fatter and obesity.

✓ Snacks contain more sugar, so that makes me become fatter and obese.

The phrase 'green wine is make me become fatter and obesity' is incorrect. It should be 'that makes me become fatter and obese.' Also, 'obesity' is a noun, but here an adjective 'obese' is needed to describe the state of becoming fatter.

× Therefore I will limit the time wake when I consume snack.

✓ Therefore, I will limit the time I eat snacks.

The phrase 'limit the time wake when I consume snack' is unclear and ungrammatical. It should be 'limit the time I eat snacks' to express restricting snack consumption time. Also, 'snack' should be plural 'snacks'.

× Uh, definitely, I usually eating snack when I were a child, umm, foreign dad, uh, snack contain many delicious and very sweet, so make me uh, unforgettable.

✓ Uh, definitely, I usually ate snacks when I was a child. Umm, foreign dad, uh, snacks contained many delicious and very sweet flavors, so they made me, uh, unforgettable.

The verb 'eating' should be past tense 'ate' to match the past time frame. 'I were' is incorrect; it should be 'I was' for singular first person. 'Snack contain' should be 'snacks contained' to agree in number and tense. 'Make me unforgettable' is unclear; likely intended to mean 'made me remember' or 'left unforgettable memories' but corrected to maintain original meaning as much as possible.

× Uh, so I, I remember the time my mom to buy snack for me after school.

✓ Uh, so I remember the time my mom bought snacks for me after school.

'To buy snack' is incorrect; it should be 'bought snacks' to use past tense and plural form. The infinitive 'to buy' is not appropriate here; past tense 'bought' fits the narrative.

× Umm, well there are lots of things that I need to, I want to consume, but if I had to pick up, I will pick up chocolate foreign that is contain many sugar and very squid.

✓ Umm, well, there are lots of things that I want to consume, but if I had to pick, I would pick chocolate, which contains a lot of sugar and is very sweet.

'Contain many sugar' is incorrect; 'contains a lot of sugar' is correct because 'sugar' is uncountable and 'contains' agrees with singular 'chocolate'. 'Very squid' is likely a mishearing or typo for 'very sweet'. Also, 'pick up' is better as 'pick' in this context.

× Umm, well there are lots of things that I need to, I want to consume, but if I had to pick up, I will pick up chocolate foreign that is contain many sugar and very squid.

✓ Umm, well, there are lots of things that I want to consume, but if I had to pick, I would pick chocolate, which contains a lot of sugar and is very sweet.

The conditional sentence requires 'would' instead of 'will' after 'if I had to pick' to correctly express the hypothetical situation.

× And on top of that, it is the way to help me reduce stress after an intense study schedule.

✓ And on top of that, it is a way to help me reduce stress after an intense study schedule.

The phrase 'the way' implies a specific known method, but here 'a way' is more appropriate as it introduces one of possibly many ways to reduce stress.